Emails are a good way to put your true feelings in print but you don't have to face that person. You can be crying and writing at the same time. Sometimes I write or type away and then erase everything I wrote and just simply say Thanks for thinking of us and please pray for time. I probably received over 200 cards from friends and family. With each one I cried and thought about how good it felt that someone would take a few minutes and share their concern. It sparked me to send notes of sunshine to friends, family and community members. Maybe it was to thank them or send a clipping from the newspaper. My sister in law said it felt good to get something that didn't require money. I think it makes me feel better to make others feel good. At least you know that person is thinking maybe praying for you, they probably don't expect a lot in return. I feel that dark cloud every morning so I know what you are feeling! The best thing I can do is go to work! I am fortunate that my employer and co-workers accept me however I come. Some days it is in sunglasses and really messy hair. I can cry, scream and laugh and they will drag me along. The other day it was not going so well and a co-worker slipped me a note on lined paper that said Jeremiah 29:11. That verse could not have been more powerful that day or meant more. It just showed me I had made the right move to get out of bed even if I was worse for the wear. My husband use to help us get out of the door each morning. We have three wonderful children and he would wake each one up separately by talking with them, rubbing their back or sharing some of his thoughts. Then as they would come upstairs I would have breakfast made and we would all share in morning chatter. These days that is all on me and there are days I don't do so well. But every once in awhile we will be driving to school or waiting for the bus and one of our children will say "Good morning Mom" that is enough reason for me to keep going! One thing I want to say is that this is a fresh wound, don't ask to much of yourself. You will find a normalcy again, maybe not what you had, but something you can live with. I recommend reading "Until I say Goodbye" by Susan Spencer Wendel and Heavy times by Todd & Kristin Neva. I find myself being sad most of the time while my husband wants to live life to the fullest. It has taken me a long time to get there but I know it is the right thing to do. Our children need to remember us having a good time and not their Mom crying all the time! I hope what I say helps because by no means do I have the answers this is just how I muddle through!
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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