In memory of my Dad

[KeeKer]

Dear Sandy,
I can't email him, they shut down his email right away. I still think, oh I should tell him that! Every time I opened my email and didn't see a message it hurt. I miss him alot! Going to see my parents this weekend. They are in the early stages of Alzheimers and dementia. They knew what was happening with Wes, and my mom stopped to see him every day. He lived next door to them. He went to the hospice to give my sister in law a break for a few days. It took her a week to get up the nerve to go visit him. She waited until I came home and told her he wasn't that different. My sister would see him every few months and would be terrified with the change and then tell my mom. Every time they see me now they cry. It's hard. The funeral was really difficult. Had to hold up my dad at the grave.
Christmas wasn't too bad, didn't go back. My oldest son came out for Christmas. He's turning 18 on the 11th. He stayed out there to finish gr. 12. My husband got transfered last Feb. Just got into my new house, no floors or doors. Better than 1 bedroom apartment we were renting. Nothing else available here. I had Christmas for both sides last year. I was my brothers turn but wasn't well enough. Didn't know it would be my last out there. Usually had my parents for Christmas so that felt different. Think that is the last family one. Usually have to set the date around my sister's children, who are married and have children too. Gets rediculous! Last year we went with when my other brother wasn't working and when Wes could make it. They were very close. Dale was there every day. Think it was a good memory for them.
Good luck on your birthday. Think getting to a new place for this year would probably be a good idea. It helps a little to be in a different place. He wouldn't want you to be sad on your birthday. Look how hard he tried to make it special.
thanks for listening
Colleen

 

[mndireland]

Sandy, your story is so inspiring. I really am making a conscious effort these days not to give out or get stressed (sometimes so hard) and to make things happier for us. I am 5 months pregnant and my mom told me she is going to start my collection, its so funny as she was in the shops and seen Baby Wet Wipes, 2 for the price of 1 and bought 4 packs! We now have a baby press so as she is buying the little things they go into the press, I think she might just stick around to meet her new grandchild? Here's praying....

 

[CindyM]

Copngrats on the impending birth, MN. Can you enlighten us on this side of the pond as to what a "baby press" is? That is a new term to me...

 

[BethU]

Cindy, I bet it's a clothes press. That's what my mother (mam) used to call a standalone closet. But mother was Welsh, not Irish, so I may be wrong. (It's possible ... not likely, but possible.)

 

[KeeKer]

Know what you mean about a hug. The fountain idea is really neat too. How are you doing otherwise? Getting back to normal, if you can remember what normal was?

 

[califsand]

I'm trying to find a new normal because so much of my life before ALS is gone now. I have a different job that pays way less so now that I have time to see it, I see that my finances are a disaster! I am a student and had taken time off last year so now am back full swing and taking 2 classes instead of one. It is online schooling and one class is actually considered full time because it takes 10-20 hours per week to do... so 2 means that I am VERY busy!

My landlord called me Thursday to say that he needs to put the house on the market and that turned my world upside down! I freaked out for a variety of reasons but the first and primary reason is because he gave me one day warning that he wanted to bring a realtor over. Well when Dad was still here I hardly had time to clean and then when he passed I went into depression mode and would come home after work and climb right into bed. My house was a HUGE mess! My son moved out suddenly last month and left a HUGE pile of stuff in the middle of his floor and really, I just just kept the door shut hoping i would find the energy to deal with it. Well yesterday I called in sick and cleaned for 12 hours straight! I spent most of that on just the bedrooms and still need to clean up the living room & kitchen.... and the yards are a mess. I fired the gardener because he stole all of my avocados! Anyways, I warned the landlord that I have not been 100% lately and that he needs to understand that when he comes over. House is not spotless but now that I know it has to be kept much cleaner, I'll get it that way and keep it that way. Sigh. It is probably a good thing but NOT good about him trying to sell the house. Hope it takes him a year or two! The market is not good for sellers right now and I'm glad for that because it is so expensive in my city and I really can't afford to move right now.

Another big impact of Dad's illness on me is my social life. I really don't have one anymore. I had accepted early on that while being his primary caregiver I could not maintain relationships with men... or get to go hang out with friends really. Not a huge crisis because the gym was not an option while caring for Dad and I am in the worst physical shape I have been in my life! Anyways, a man asked me out this week and he is a guy I really felt a lot of instant chemistry with so I was pleased he asked but I had a complete meltdown at the same time! He invited me to have dinner with him in his town... and fortunately that gave me an out because it is an hour drive and I am too busy to head out of town for a dinner date. At the moment he was too busy to come here so no plan was made. Let's see if he asks again and asks to meet HERE. In the meantime it was the one thing I was waiting for I guess to start a diet lol. Today I will dust off my treadmill and start using it.

So there are good things and bad things and through it all I DEARLY miss my Dad... but I'm slowly feeling more human. I was hoping to have a break from major stress but with the house being put on the market soon I guess that is not going to happen. My landlord said he is going to try to find an investor that wants a home with a tenant in it... but we all know he can't promise that one or that if they do want me here that they won't raise my rent. I'm going to try to take it one day at a time until something happens... and in the meantime will get the house clean and keep it that way.

So much for the New Year starting off better than the last huh?

Sandy

 

[KeeKer]

Glad to hear that you are getting up and about and doing things. Soon it will become routine. Sorry to hear about the house situation, but you're right about things not selling now. So maybe it will take a while. Do you still want to be there? Maybe a change in location would be good too.
Hope the guy calls again for a date. Maybe you could suggest a half way point to meet. Would be nice just to get out and talk to someone about something that is for fun and about the future?
You'll slowly get back to the old life. Good luck on your courses. I'm going to take a bunch of computer courses. I'm going to get a job again, now that the house is here and we are finally in it.
My parents are taking this very hard. My dad is half the size he was and my mom is very angry right now. they are 83.
Take care and look forward to life, your dad would want it that way!
Colleen