In memory of my Dad

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megs

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I only found this group last week after my Dad was admitted to hospital to have a P.E.G, sadly he never came home .....He developed cold sepsis at the site of the PEG and deteriorated very rapidly ......The hospital kept him comfortable with Morphine then he asked us to tell them to stop all antibiotic treatment , he had had enough ......we had no choice but to let him go ........He held on for 26 hours taking a breath every 20-30 seconds , he had lost so much weight before the PEG was inserted we somehow knew any infection would kill him

He was diagnosed 17 months ago and died on Sunday 12th november at 10am .....

So to my father ..Michael Gummer ...you were a beautiful man who didn't deserve such suffering ....Dad I love you

I would like to share a poem with you , that I had the good fortune of sharing with my Dad before he passed .......My Dad was a man of little religious faith , but hopefully this brought him some peace .

Look God I have never spoken to you ,
But now I want to say "How do you do"
You see god they told me you didn't exist.
And like a fool I believed all of this .

Last night from a shell hole I saw your sky .
I figured right then they had told me a lie
Had I taken time to see things you made,
I'd have known they weren't calling a spade a spade

I wonder ,god would you shake my hand.
Somehow I feel you will understand.
Funny I had to come to this hellishplace
Before I had time to see your face.

Well I guess there isn't much more to say ,
But I'm sure glad god , I met you today.
I guess the zero hour will soon be here ,
But I'm not afraid since I know you're near

The signal well God .I'll have to go .
I like you lot's and I want you to know.
Look , now this will be ahorrible fight
Who knows ,I may come to your house tonight.

Though I wasn't friendly to you before,
I wonder , God if you'd wait at the door.
Look I'm crying .Me shedding tears
I wish I'd known you these many years.

Well I have to go now ,God , Goodbye

Strange , since I met you I'm not afraid to die
 

Al

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A very touching poem for some of us that may have lost our faith along the way. Food for thought. This disease does bring you closer to God I think even if you weren't all that close before. So sorry for your loss Megs. Our deepest sympathies from the staff at the forum.
 
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liz

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Megs -

Condolences on the loss of your father. My father has been gone since 1999 but I still feel him with me in my heart, especially when I need guidance. In time, I hope you will become at peace with your loss and able to cherish the times you had.

Liz
 

CindyM

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Good morning Megs. I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. Hold onto the good memories and try to do something nice for yourself today. Keep in touch and thanks for sharing the poem!
 

autumn

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Sorry about your dad.

Megs, I'm sorry to hear that you're dad passed away. My mom passed last week on Nov. 8. I'm happy that she's not suffering anymore, but it's still hard. Take care & know that you're not alone. Corinne
 

Barbie4

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Megs

My thoughts are with you. thank you for sharing your poem.

Barbie
 

megs

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Thankyou so much for your kind words .....I was only telling AL last week how much I hoped my Dad could join this forum when he came home ....Sadly it wasn't meant to be .

His Funeral/cremation will take place next Tuesday , today was really hard taking his clothes to the funeral home .....My dad was a real ladies man so I sprayed his shirt collar with his favourite aftershave , which he had stopped wearing a year ago as he was following the "Eric is winning " book .

He had a really difficult time at the first hospital he was in last week , the staff forgot to put the cot rails up[my Dad had some frontal lobe dementia with his ALS ......don't know how common that is , his neurologist told us about 5 % of all cases are affected with some form of dementia] ....anyway he fell out of bed as he had lost the use of his arms and Broke his nose really good .........After the PEG went in , he had a load of pain which they refused to give anything stronger than paracetomol for .........Then we found out the nursing staff had failed to feed him any thickened foods the previous day as they were short staffed ..........needless to say he could ill afford to lose any more weight ...he was 6'1 and had dropped down to 53kgs .......as death took his hand , his appearance was much the same as someone who had died of AIDS

Some of my Dads final words were "Make them Pay" ........I am surely going to bring his appaling treatment to the attention of the hospital administrator and also the Health Minister ........I am so angry that a man who went in for a simple procedure never came home .

I also really want to share his experience of death with you ........I am a huge believer of life after death after what I witnessed Friday [keep in mind , his voice had just about gone , the dementia had set in , and the morphine was supposed to keep him dopey ] ......He talked non stop about the orifice , which I have since learned is the tunnel you pass through upon your death .......He also became frightened when we said we needed to go home for the evening , he replied "I will be as stiff as a board soon" ....and when we asked him if he wanted to return home to Kinross where he lived ....he said "yes in a coffin "..........How right was he ?

Autumn ...Hugs and Kisses to you .....How have you been coping ?........I am not too bad today , I have kept busy doing the kids ironing and not thinking too much ........I have written and have been asked to do my Dads eulogy at his funeral , everyone seems to think me the strongest .......I don't know how they think that , my tears have pretty much flowed non stop since sunday .......

I hope and pray they find a cure for this terrible disease ......no-one deserves to suffer like that .....take care all of you .......and enjoy today xxxxxx
 

GinaD

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Megs, I'm so very sorry about the passing of your dad. The "simple procedure" of the peg tube about whipped my dad too. He had one installed 5 weeks ago, it became abscessed within a week. It had to be pulled out and then another one installed the next week. He has lost 13 pounds and seems the ALS has been kicked into overdrive. Things are not looking good. Anyway, from one daughter to another, I'm sending a hug your way! (Autumn: I'm also including you in my "daughter" hug!)
 

SoniaT

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Meg's Dad

Hi Meg,

I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about the loss of your father to this terrible disease.

I can relate to your story of bringing your dad's things to the funeral home. I remember very clearly doing the same thing for my mom, I even brought her high heeled shoes that she hadn't been able to wear in years, but wished everyday that she could still wear them, she was very fashionable!

I hope that you will be kind to yourself during this phase of your life. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

I know it's so very hard now and I do believe it will get a bit better as time passes. My mom's anniversary date November 8th just passed and it's been 3 years already. My loved ones keep telling me time heals all things, I'm still waiting!:-?

Hang in there, God bless.

SoniaT
Vancouver, BC
 

ellisa

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Meg,
I am sorry about the loss of your father. Remember he will always be with you no matter what your doing are where your going. Take care of yourself and be strong.

Ellisa
 

megs

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I appreciate your comforting words , more than you could know ..and sorry it has taken me so long to reply .......
The Funeral was yesterday , and thankfully I held up pretty well ...I was able to say what I needed to say without breaking down , my two sisters were not so fortunate and had their husbands take over for them .....

I was especially proud of my my eldest son who helped carry my Dads casket into the crematorium .......My kids and my sisters kids all took an item of Dads which was very special to him and placed it alongside the casket , it was a very powerful moment without a word being spoken .......They included his cricket bat , his Bristol city goalie guernsey , his soccer boots , his tennis racquet and ball and a picture of his mother .

The hardest part was the commital when they lowered the casket to be cremated ...Upon our return home a lovely surprise awaited us , the funeral place had taken four locks of hair from my Dad and had placed them inside a beautiful velvet keepsake pouch .

My Mum and Dad remarried each other 3 years ago after a really messy ugly divorce in 1990 ...they hated each other with a passion for more than a decade .........untill 3 years ago they somehow found each other again .

Mum said to me shortly after Dads death , that these past 3 years she loved my Dad more than the 26 years they were together before ......Mum asked me why I thought he was brought back into her life ........I believe they both needed to experience unconditional love ......and that is what these last couple of years have been ...no strings attached .

My Dad during life was a stooge ..he horded his money for a brilliant retirement .....He was a health freak , he didn't expect to suffer an early demise .....neither did any of us ....he was only 65........So please if you are saving for that rainy day , dont.....live life for today ...If you want to travel , do it ..........you want a swimming pool , get one ........

My Dad slogged his arse out all of his life , accepting as much overtime as he could ..........and for what ?

I believe we can learn a load from those who are dying ........his one regret when he was in hospital was working so much and giving up precious family time .

At the end of the day .......There are no rich men in heaven

So please , next time that phone rings for overtime , say No and give those hours to your family .

My Mum has given a $5,000 donation to Motor Neurone Research ...she is hoping to get the same test available for Lymes disease , which is available in America..... here ....

Lyme Disease can mimic MND symptoms ....except if treated with Antibiotics early it can be halted unlike MND ........it is estimated that some 5% of MND patients in Australia had actually contracted Lymes during travel outside of Australia......My Dad was in the Caribbean where Lyme is rife , just 5 years ago

Doctors here in Australia can only offer one test which isn't indepth enough ......My Dads results came back "inconclusive "......so we will never actually know if it was Lyme disease which claimed his life or MND ........

I will miss him ........and it looks like I will try finishing a book he had been secretely writing .......20 hours before he died , he kept on saying chapter 10 ...chapter 10 ......We thought he meant the bible , till one of his tennis buddies asked us yesterday if he had got past chapter 10 on his book .......he was going to surprise us and hopefully have it published ........

.........I believe suffering of any kind only makes us stronger and able to give and recieve love more freely ........
 

Al

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Hi megs. Like your poem, a very moving piece. Once again my deepest sympathy. AL.
 

CindyM

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Hello Megs. My sympathy on the loss of your Dad. Warmest wishes to you and your family in this time of great loss. Cindy
 

SoniaT

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Hi Megs,

I just finished reading about your dad's service on Tuesday...it sounds like it was full of love from all who attended. I love the part about your family putting your dad's favorite things into his casket! I thought the gift of the locks of his hair was very touching.

I hope you will remember to take care of You! I wish you and your family well. Your story has touched my heart and the poem broke my heart (but in a good way!)

Take care,

Hugs,

SoniaT
Vancouver, BC
 
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