I'm sorry.... your life is too crappy

[kmendsley]

These feelings kind of came up from a post today about spouses leaving each other when the other one got sick. I didn't want to start a whole thing on that thread so I came here to rant a little.

I had a friend- ex friend, I guess you could put it back in college that I considered one of my best friends. We worked through a lot of things together...and then one day, out of the blue, she said she wanted to see me. She sat across a picnic table and said ...'I am no longer able to be in your life, or your friend. You just have too much going on, and I am leaving.'

I sat there shocked. As she left the table. A week earlier I had in a bode of confidence and hope of support, told her that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Needless, to say after this incident, and the fact that the friends I did have in college I have contacted on more than one occassion, have seemingly taken me out of their life because they can't handle it. I do not force the stuff I go through on them...they have to practically beg me to tell them because I don't trust them and am freaking tired of people running away.

I am sorry I have had more people I love die than birthdays, I am sorry I was molested as a child by a close family member, I am sorry I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 21, I am sorry I already died once and came back from the dead, and I am so freakin' sorry that I have been diagnosed with ALS at 24! What the hell!

I didn't choose this life, it chose me. And I am more certain more and more everyday, that no one is able to handle the news so forget it. I give up on making friends. I give up on telling people more than 'I am fine..and then switching it back onto them so they can talk about their life instead of mine.' I am tired of people telling me how strong I am...it doesn't even mean anything anymore. ..I know I am strong...I have made it this far without anyone's help. It is more work to deal with a friendship than what it is worth. 'yes, friend I am sorry your roomate ate your cereal and it seems like the end of the world...however, excuse me for leaving during your sad time as I am off to chemo!'

Ugh, just frustrated, tired, and scared. No one likes to face life alone....but alas we ultimately do.

 

[vzandt]

Ill be your friend Kmendsley.

 

[notgivnup]

You Definately have me as you friend Kel!...I got your back and your hand.

 

[LizT]

Ok- so I get that you need to vent. Thats what this section is for... However- Im really offended by what you've said. You said you've made it this far without anyones help. REALLY?
Do you know how many times ppl on here have dropped their own issues to try to support you?
But youre right. You havent had any help.

 

[momap53]

I've run across that too, Kel. It really hurts to have lent an ear and a shoulder for this person for so many years and find out later that she just can't handle my diagnosis. One comment to me was that she guessed she would just have to get used to doing things by herself since I was no longer able to do them with her. Recently she's called when she needed something and it seemed as though it was an afterthought to ask how I was doing. She's right here in the neighborhood.
I'm fortunate that a couple of old friends have stepped up with phone calls, texts and visits and one even lives across the country, the other across the state.
We're here for you whenever you need to rage and vent.

 

[notgivnup]

Argggg!.......I hate being at the bottom of everybodys Priority list.... beach for them seems to be more important today, hope they have fun though...someday they can fit me in...ya right. I have urgent business that doesnt fit in thier plans.....This just sucks!.... Need to take some extra chill pills today! ! ! ! and call a cab, but no money to do that. I quess time to advertise for a personal attendant on call...oh sure to that one too!

 

[notgivnup]

Now off to mederation...see...not on priority list here either!

 

[marypat]

Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Act because you need to act
Paulo Coelho
.we all have people leave but you have found some very good friends here. we all have unconditional support and a place where ranting is allowed and people dont turn away when some talks about changing a diaper. if life were perfect,there would be no lessons...i think i read that here

 

[susanf]

Kel, people are strange. True friends don't walk. I told Bill last year we'll see who comes around. So far my yard guy and petsitter text me weekly to see if I need anything. He has cut my yard and she has watched the pups for free. Figure that.
Like Marypat said, don't expect anything back.
We are here for you. We understand.

 

[HelenL]

Isn't it a wonderful thing that we have this forum for support? I totally get you Kel, and also what you're saying Liz... but I think she means in her "real" life, not here. There is a saying about friends for a reason, friends for a season, etc. So true. I also had a friend that has sort of bailed out on me, when she was probably one of the only ones who knew my diagnosed except for my family. And many others who were not so close that have stepped up and helped me, and offered to help.

One thing I'd like to point out Kel... sometimes you have to learn how to ask or help. Then you'll see who your real friends are!

 

[kmendsley]

Yes, thank you Helen that is what I meant...clarification for my 'real' life...where people see you in person.

I have on more than one occassion expressed great gratitude for this forum. Without this support I don't know where I would be. Had I put this in the rant...it would no longer had been a rant!

Liz, you didn't have to read this post....so sorry it offended you but it is where I am right now and how I feel. Honestly, I feel like I am now having to justify writing in the rant section which I shouldn't have to do either...please don't judge....especially in this section. I have a family that could care less that I am sick. My grandmother is the only one who is helping me and she has been in the hospital all week- I am sure you can understand why I would be under considerable amount of stress. Don't feel that you have to drop your problems to take care of my own..I never asked for that, and never will. If you remember, I wrote on off-topic thread that you can skip my post if you don't want to read...I am not making anyone else do anything! We also all put our different problems on there, and I don't see you complaining about other people putting un-related ALS things on there. Honestly, I feel you have something against me. And I have dropped my own things constantly as well to help out others on this forum...even the newbies whose worries are unfounded. There are MANY things I do not write on the forum that I keep to myself...so please don't even begin to think I am unloading all my woes on here.

One of my biggest fears in life is that I am making people 'worry' about me or 'have to go out of their way' to do something for me. I don't want that. It doesn't work. Friendships have not, and will never work out when it is based off of this. I was not looking for comments, sympathy, or judgement. I simply want to write a rant because of a topic that got me stirred up. I would have written it to myself, but I thought it might help out some people relate and get out some frustrations too.

Don't judge on this thread! We ARE here to support each other...not 'kick a man when he's down'.

 

[rachelg]

Kel, I have reread your post over and over again this morning before posting back. I am not brilliant with words so hope this makes sense.

In a way I admire your "friends" honesty - I dont like what she has done to you at all but in saying that she told you her truth. As a caregiver for my husband, I can't stand friends who text me saying sorry they havent been round and come up with one excuse or another when the truth of the matter is they just can't handle it, they don't want to see it, they are frightened by it, they would rather ignore it.

A thread about friends was started on another forum and one PALS wrote "Friends" They must be the people who cross the road when they see me coming as they cannot handle the situation.

This forum offers more "friendliness" than real life so thank goodness for it being here.

 

[ScarlettK]

I do understand what is felt here. Sis told me that if her friends and loved ones don't have time to come and see her NOW when she is able to talk to them and visit and share; then when she is unable to do these things and passes...she does not want them there then.

We had a brother who was so "sick" that he was unable to visit our Mother or come when she was dying. He could call her on the phone, but physically he could not face that she was leaving us. He had a mental disorder and has passed away as well.

In light of what is being said, I want to say that when Mother passed away I lost my best friend. But then I found that God had never left me, but continued to make His presence known to me and still does to this day giving me comfort and support. That manifests itself in people here in this forum, or a client who walks in the door and shares with me making me smile, or my spouse who brings me supper home instead of cooking. I am blessed by God each day I get up and breathe one more time. I am so blessed.

I pray for this forum to continue to be your outlet and for you to find comfort and forgiveness here and in your hearts. Were it that I were closer, I would be one of those friends who STAY and listen and HELP. I pray for each of you in your journeys with ALS and in life in general.

Kaye

 

[tammyg]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I also found that "Friends" are over rated sometimes. When you need them the most they don't have time or something better to do. You bend over backwards to drop everything to help them out, and when you need something they can't be bothered. They say some are gold and some are silver, i have not even found a copper one that is true.
My longest childhood friend went through hard times, I took bags of groceries to her and kids, paid her mortage, babysat her kids so she could work, never asked for anything back. Then she got a new boyfriend and could not even come to my dad's funeral that was 2 blocks from her house, really?She already had plans, really?
Except on this forum , the best friends I have never not meet. People are real here, don't beat around the bush, tell you how it is, good or bad. Your ex-friends are in for a rude awaking called life, it will through them a curve one day too. Karma. You have alot of friend here, that are here 24/7. Vent away, get it out. They won't disappear when the going gets tough, they just get the tough going in a more positive way. You have another friend right here.. Love Tammy

 

[vzandt]

My Dad told me once if you have one real friend in life you are a very lucky person.