It's only been a little over a week since my mom went home to heaven. I know that's where she is and I know she's in a much better place. I also know that's where she wanted to be and she was ready. I honestly thought I was ready to let her go home.
But I am falling apart.
I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't get through one single day without falling apart. There is so much I wish I could tell my momma. I wish I could tell her I really was listening all these years. I wish I could tell her I love her so so much. I wish I could tell her exactly what she meant to me.
I have had problems my whole life... depression, crippling social anxiety, periods of rage and instability and substance abuse issues. No matter where I was my mom was always there. She was always steadfast in her love for me and showed an incredible patience that can only come from a loving mother.
For many years I thought my mother hated me. Now that she's gone I know she only wanted the best for me and was frustrated with my behavior. She only wanted me to seek God and the things that had brought her such peace and happiness.
I feel like I can't move. I can't breathe. I don't know what to do with myself. I need my mom and yet I want her to be at peace and be where she is now. I want her to be running and singing among the angels where she was so ready to be. But God help me I am so selfish and I want my mother and my best friend back.
Please please please tell me how I'm supposed to get through this.
I miss her...the healthy her...so much I don't even want to breathe anymore.
But I am falling apart.
I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't get through one single day without falling apart. There is so much I wish I could tell my momma. I wish I could tell her I really was listening all these years. I wish I could tell her I love her so so much. I wish I could tell her exactly what she meant to me.
I have had problems my whole life... depression, crippling social anxiety, periods of rage and instability and substance abuse issues. No matter where I was my mom was always there. She was always steadfast in her love for me and showed an incredible patience that can only come from a loving mother.
For many years I thought my mother hated me. Now that she's gone I know she only wanted the best for me and was frustrated with my behavior. She only wanted me to seek God and the things that had brought her such peace and happiness.
I feel like I can't move. I can't breathe. I don't know what to do with myself. I need my mom and yet I want her to be at peace and be where she is now. I want her to be running and singing among the angels where she was so ready to be. But God help me I am so selfish and I want my mother and my best friend back.
Please please please tell me how I'm supposed to get through this.
I miss her...the healthy her...so much I don't even want to breathe anymore.