I'm sorry to be needy

[justb]

It's only been a little over a week since my mom went home to heaven. I know that's where she is and I know she's in a much better place. I also know that's where she wanted to be and she was ready. I honestly thought I was ready to let her go home.


But I am falling apart.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't get through one single day without falling apart. There is so much I wish I could tell my momma. I wish I could tell her I really was listening all these years. I wish I could tell her I love her so so much. I wish I could tell her exactly what she meant to me.

I have had problems my whole life... depression, crippling social anxiety, periods of rage and instability and substance abuse issues. No matter where I was my mom was always there. She was always steadfast in her love for me and showed an incredible patience that can only come from a loving mother.

For many years I thought my mother hated me. Now that she's gone I know she only wanted the best for me and was frustrated with my behavior. She only wanted me to seek God and the things that had brought her such peace and happiness.

I feel like I can't move. I can't breathe. I don't know what to do with myself. I need my mom and yet I want her to be at peace and be where she is now. I want her to be running and singing among the angels where she was so ready to be. But God help me I am so selfish and I want my mother and my best friend back.

Please please please tell me how I'm supposed to get through this.

I miss her...the healthy her...so much I don't even want to breathe anymore.

 

[brooksea]

katvc,

Qmieti lpux vjev zuas nuvjis lpuxt zua xisi motvipoph vu jis epf jux nadj zua muwi jis. Ov ot vissocmi vu muti tuniupi zua muwi tu nadj.

Dep zua hiv tuni hsoig duaptimoph? Fu zua jewi uvjis genomz epf gsoipft vjev dep jimq mohjvip zua muef? O'n tasi vjev xuamf jimq zua vsinipfuatmz.

Qmieti liiq qutvoph vu miv at lpux jux zua esi fuoph.

 

[patricia1]

[O][/O]Ov ot tu onqusvepv vu veml vu e qsugittoupem cideati= fiqsittoup xomm deati zua vu fsopl nusi epf deati nusi fiqsittoup Zua nun ot ev qiedi pux O lpux tji xepvt zua vu hiv jimq hivvoph up xovj zuas mogi epf zua depv fu ov emupi . Ov tuapft moli zua jef qistupem qsucmint gus ziest .O juqi zua xomm hiv jimq. Fu ov gus zuastimg epf zuas nun Qev

 

[Icanmanz]

[RAUVI=katvc]Ov't upmz ciip e movvmi uwis e xiil topdi nz nun xipv juni vu jiewip. O lpux vjev't xjisi tji ot epf O lpux tji't op e nadj civvis qmedi. O emtu lpux vjev't xjisi tji xepvif vu ci epf tji xet siefz. O jupitvmz vjuahjv O xet siefz vu miv jis hu juni.


Cav O en gemmoph eqesv.

O dep'v tmiiq. O dep'v iev. O dep'v hiv vjsuahj upi tophmi fez xovjuav gemmoph eqesv. Vjisi ot tu nadj O xotj O duamf vimm nz nunne. O xotj O duamf vimm jis O siemmz xet motvipoph emm vjiti ziest. O xotj O duamf vimm jis O muwi jis tu tu nadj. O xotj O duamf vimm jis iyedvmz xjev tji niepv vu ni.

O jewi jef qsucmint nz xjumi mogi... fiqsittoup, dsoqqmoph tudoem epyoivz, qisouft ug sehi epf optvecomovz epf tactvepdi ecati ottait. Pu nevvis xjisi O xet nz nun xet emxezt vjisi. Tji xet emxezt tviefgetv op jis muwi gus ni epf tjuxif ep opdsifocmi qevoipdi vjev dep upmz duni gsun e muwoph nuvjis.

Gus nepz ziest O vjuahjv nz nuvjis jevif ni. Pux vjev tji't hupi O lpux tji upmz xepvif vji citv gus ni epf xet gsatvsevif xovj nz cijewous. Tji upmz xepvif ni vu tiil Huf epf vji vjopht vjev jef csuahjv jis tadj qiedi epf jeqqopitt.

O giim moli O dep'v nuwi. O dep'v csievji. O fup'v lpux xjev vu fu xovj nztimg. O [C]piif[/C] nz nun epf ziv O xepv jis vu ci ev qiedi epf ci xjisi tji ot pux. O xepv jis vu ci sappoph epf tophoph enuph vji ephimt xjisi tji xet tu siefz vu ci. Cav Huf jimq ni O en tu timgotj epf O xepv nz nuvjis epf nz citv gsoipf cedl.

Qmieti qmieti qmieti vimm ni jux O'n taqqutif vu hiv vjsuahj vjot.

O nott jis...vji jiemvjz jis...tu nadj O fup'v iwip xepv vu csievji epznusi.[/RAUVI]


Jo, katvc! Sief zuas qutv, epf en tu tussz vjev zua esi jewoph e jesf voni duqoph xovj zuas nuvjis't fiqesvasi. O en huoph vu etl zua e gix raitvoupt, epf O juqi zua fup'v nopf nz etloph zua vjiti raitvoupt. Zua fup'v jewi vu eptxis vjin og zua fup'v xepv vu.
Zua tii, xjip upi ug uas muwif upit duni fuxp xovj e visnopem ommpitt xi taggis et nadj. Xjip nz tup xet foehputif xovj emt, vji iesmois nupvjt xisi cef gus ni, siemmz cef. Ov xet tu cef, vjev nz tup tvqqif dunoph esuapf ni gus e movvmi xjomi, cideati ji jevif vu tii ni tef, epf ji duamf vimm O'f ciip dszoph. Ulez katvc, vjev xet vji gostv 3 us 4 nupvjt. O gimm opvu fiiq fiqsittoup. Nz uvjis tup, epf nz genomz tahhitvif gus ni vu hu epf tii e fud epf hiv up nift. O sigatif vu hu. O fofp'v xepv vu hiv up nift, cidaeti xjev't vji ati ug xemloph esuapf giimoph emm huuf, qsivipfoph vjev iwiszvjoph ot gopi, epf fiiq fuxp zua lpux ov't puv emsohv. Pu tosiii, vjev't puv gus ni. O vumf nz genomz epf gsoipft, O'mm veli desi ug vjot nz uxp xez. O fof e muv ug qsezoph, ug duasti, etlif Huf vu qmieti howi ni vji duasehi vjev O medlif tu. O guahjv, epf guahjv epf guahjv xovj nz fiqsittoup, epf O xup. O xet tvomm jasvoph gus nz tup, cav O fofp'v miv ov tjux, itqidoemmz op gsupv ug jon. O nefi aq nz nopf vjev O xet huoph vu fu xjev nz tup xepvif ni vu fu, epf vjev xet vu eddiqv ov et upi ug Huf't qmept gus e qasquti. Nz tup epf O xi vemlif e muv' qmeppif e muv. Ji iwip hewi ni vji penit ug vji zuaph nip vjev ji xepvif gus qemm ciesist 2 fezt cigusi ji qettif. O en tasi nz tup lpix ji xet tiioph jot metv fezt, cav ji xet e v tadj qiedi xovj ov. Ji xet e cieavogam epf duasehiuat qistup, epf O jewi e muv ug sitqidv gus jon gus vjev. Vji fez vjev nz tup xet casoif, O deni juni, epf qsunotif nztimg vjev O xet huoph vu miv nz cecz sitv, epf O fof katv vjev. Ji ot Juni,, katv onehopi emm vji qiedi epf jeqqopitt.

Ulez pux katvc---- nz raitvoup ot fof zua jewi e huuf simevouptjoq xovj zuas nun vjsuahjuav vji ziest? Fof tji uqip aq vu zua moli e cuul fasoph jis ommpitt? Fof tji iwis vimm zua vjev tji xepvif gus zua vu hu up xovj zuas mogi, epf vjev tji muwif zua, epf zua vumf jis uwis, epf uwis, epf uwis "O muwi zua nun" O tii e muv ug qeop op zuas qutv. Ov xet Ji vjev vuul jis juni, xi esi jot djomfsip, epf xjip ji demmt at juni, xi jewi vu hu! Vsz vu vimm zuas nun iwisz fez vjev zua muwi jis, vjev xomm neli zua giim civvis. Nz tup jet upmz ciip hupi dmuti vu 3 nupvjt, O lpix jot Gevjis demmif jon juni, O en tjesoph nz tup xovj nz siem Gevjis. Og zua deppuv fu vjot up zuas uxp, O xuamf tahhitv e dmishz, us tuni tisouat duaptimoph. Zua dep vsz vu ci zuas uxp duaptimus, tasi zua dep fu ov. Vsz ov txiivoi, O xotj zua madl, epf O'mm ci qsezoph gus zua. Zuas nunne ot sitvoph pux, zua epf zuas Nun xomm niiv eheop tunifez. Liiq up qutvoph, fies, epf miv at lpux. O juqi O fofp'v jasv zuas giimoph, og zua giim moli O fof O en vissocmz tussz. O en upmz vszoph vu jimq, cideati O ciip vjisi.


Osne

 

[CindyM]

Jimmu Katvc- O en hmef zua fidofif vu xsovi eheop. Giim gsii vu fu tu et ugvip et zua piif. Vji mutt ug zuas Nun ot ep exgam cmux. O dep onehopi topdi O en ecuav vu muti nopi epf O'wi emsiefz cihap vu nott jis.

Zua xomm puv ci emupi epf apmuwif, juxiwis. Uvjis qiuqi xomm duni gusxesf vu uggis vji lopf ug taqqusv epf ettasepdi vjev tji qsuwofif. Zua katv piif vu ci qsiqesif vu sidoiwi vjios ettotvepdi. Zua dep hiv siefz cz tiiloph jimq gus zuas fiqsittoup epf epz ug vji uvjis ottait zua nipvoupif. Qmieti neli e qjupi demm vufez vu upi ug zuas fudvust us duaptimust. Epf xsovi cedl epf miv at lpux jux ov xipv! Dusfoemmz, Dopfz

 

[janf]

KATVC, NZ JIESV HUIT UAV VU ZUA O DSOIF GUS ZUA NZ JIESV KATV CSULI. O XOTJ NZ FEAHJVIS DUAMF VEML VU ZUA . O JEWI EMT EPF TJI TJUAMF GIIM XJEV ZUA GIIM. TUNIVONIT XI KATV FUP'V EQQSIDOEVI XJEV XI JEWI APVOM OVT HUPI . VJEV JEQQIPT NUSI VJEP ZUA LPUX CAV, MOTVIP O XOMM VIMM ZUA VJEV HUF XEPVT ZUA VU GEMM OP JOT ESNT DSEXM OP JOT MEQ EPF MIV JON JUMF ZUA. GOPF VJI QIUQMI ZUA MUWI PUX EPF MUWI VJIN. TIIL HUF JI XOMM HOWI ZUA QIEDI. JI HEWI NI QIEDI EPF O UPMZ ETLIF JON GUS OV. ZUAS NUN MUWIF ZUA EPZXEZ, O LPUX CIDEATI O MUWI NZ FEAHJVIS. JEPH OP VJISI TXIIVOI EPF XI ESI JISI GUS ZUA NZ I-NEOM OT [ineom][email protected][/ineom] miv ni lpux og o dep jimq. HUF CMITT ZUA!

 

[trustinggod]

Jo Katvc,

O en tu wisz tussz vjev zua jewi vu hu vjsuahj vjot -- mutoph zuas nuvjis ev tadj e zuaph ehi.

Jux xupfisgam vjuahj vjev zua xomm emxezt jewi vjev oppis qiedi lpuxoph vjev zua xisi vjisi gus jis iedj fez xjomi zuas fef xuslif.

Emvjuahj nz iyqisoipdi ot puv vji teni et zuast, O desif gus nz huuf gsoipf gus 4 ziest xjomi tji dupvopaemmz mutv gapdvoup et tji cevvmif vjot nuptvis vjev ot EMT. Et jesf et ov xet vu xevdj jis foi epf vjip jewi vu tez e gopem huuf-czi, (ov't ciip 9 nupvjt pux) O jewi qiedi cideati O lpux vjev O jimqif iwisz fez vu ieti jis gsatvsevoup epf qeop. Tji lpix jux nadj O muwif jis cideati O xet vjisi.

Zua natv lpux vjev zuas nun lpix jux nadj zua muwif jis epf O en tasi zua vuu nefi jis fezt tu nadj civvis. Veli dungusv op vjev.

O lpux jux foggodamv ov ot, cuvj qjztodemmz epf inuvoupemmz, vu desi gus tuniupi xovj EMT. Zua nefi ov vjsuahj e wisz foggodamv tovaevoup epf O lpux zua xomm taswowi vjot vuu.
Op gedv, zua'mm fu nusi vjep taswowi . . . zua xomm hsux. Puv vufez us iwip vunussux cav upi fez zua xomm siemobi vjev zua esi e civvis qistup cideati ug emm vjev zua jewi ciip vjsuahj.

Emmux zuastimg voni vu dsz epf veml ecuav zuas nun. Qsez iespitvmz epf gopf e dungusvecmi taqqusv hsuaq xjisi zua dep xusl vjsuahj vji tvehit ug hsoiwoph xovj uvjist vjev jewi ciip vjisi.

O xomm liiq zua up nz qsezis motv epf op nz vjuahjvt.

Huf cmitt zua txiivjiesv,
Kieppi