i'm so scared

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myownself

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Joined
Oct 1, 2014
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15
Reason
CALS
Country
US
State
wa
City
bellingham
what we used to do together is never again. he has finally decided to go to a doctor for a firm diagnosis. i watch him suffer and deteriorate i know it is killing him so how do i deal with watching my darling fall into .... i don't want to think i don't want to know how do i get out of this? please let me go.

i maybe shouldn't start a thread every time i'm scared help me please with correct manners. i cry your mercy.
 
>i don't want to think i don't want to know how do i get out of this?

there is no way out ... IIWII ("It Is What It Is!") ... so acceppt what is and ,ake the best of it. Someone else always has it worse.
 
how do you?
with a deep breath every new day, we wake up and say "Here is today"....... and sometimes by the hour or minuet.


and don't worries, no manners needed, we understand
 
I should have you speak with my fiancé - maybe you two could meet? She would be glad to talk with you. We don't live together and won't till after the wedding but we're together all the time. Ironically, she may end up working near you - transfer from Mt. Vernon to the new Safeway here opening in January.
 
myownself, the fear you are feeling is perfectly normal. The trick is not to let it overwhelm and consume you.

When will he get a final diagnosis?

Have you gone to your doctor yet and talked about anti depressant medications? You need to do this immediately - get advice from him on what medications will help you and work with any MS meds you take, and then get a counsellor sorted out to see.

I used both meds and counsellor while caring for Chris and still see the counsellor, it made all the difference in not being overwhelmed.
 
myownself,
You can blog here instead of post if that helps.
Once he knows for sure, you may be surprised how he responds. I think it's safe to say most people don't freak out in the way you are fearing. His family history, as I'm sure Nikki can attest, is probably really scary but often it is the unknown rather than the known that scares us the most. He knows how it ends. What is in between is not yet written.
 
I'm taking medicine for bipolar II and anxiety. It's working better than anything else we've tried. I see a therapist as often as I can afford to. I don't know how to find the time to talk to anyone. I have so much fall stuff to do and then comes winter stuff and he can't do it now. I can't afford help. Somehow I have to find time to do it all and still help him with doctor stuff. Not enough medicine in the world.
 
Myownself, like you, we dont have the extra money to hire people to do.seasonal jobs around our house. I keep a.running list of the things to be done. That way, if someone comes and says" what can I do to help?" I put them to work with my list. It may not be a professional job but people are grateful for having been able to help in a meaningful way. If they cant do the labor, I have them spend time with my husband so I can get it done. Dont be shy about accepting help. I would never have done it before but this disease takes as many helping hands as you can find to provide all the care needed for you, your pals , and home.
 
my wife has been doing it all for me. i dont know what shes going through. she dont what to take about it to me. i tried to get her on here so she can get with more thats going through this.. i know she is scared and dont know what to do, i always done it for her. i dont want her or anyone feeling bad for me i lived my life......... this is a good place to talk about.
 
Davbo, you are so right. My hubby says what you've said about no pity, because he's lived his life. Think your wife is doing what all of us CALS are doing - trying to put on a happy face because we love our pals and never want them to feel like a burden. Please tell her for us that there is much solace for us CALS in talking to others who are as scared, frustrated and sad as we are. I am finding this forum is my lifeline because even my best friends and family don't really understand what it is to watch your loved one wasting away. Hugs to you both, as you fight this demon together.
 
I read your post Myownself. I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder which recently the doctor changed to borderline personality on top of it. I is a condition that is very hard to control. Please keep on top of it because it can really gang up on you in a hurry. Is there any support groups you could join in your area? I understand too how much counseling costs.
Please get yourself some help even if it is for just a few hours break. Take it one moment at a time. Do you belong to any church in which you can talk to clergy for support. Also, it might be impossible for you being a caregiver but if you can try to stay on a steady sleep cycle. It is so important in managing bipolar. Try to get to bed and get up at the same time everyday.
You still have some good days ahead for the both of you. Make the most of every minute. Also, I do think blogging on here would do you alot of good. Just organizing your thoughts and letting all your fears out will help you. Sending you a big hug. I'm not a expert on the ALS thing because I'm not my dad's caregiver but if I can be of any support let me know. Kim
 
Someone else always has it worse. Sad but true, I was diagnosed June 2013 and I'm still here, just take it one day at a time.

Janie
 
my wife has been doing it all for me. i dont know what shes going through. she dont what to take about it to me. i tried to get her on here so she can get with more thats going through this.. i know she is scared and dont know what to do, i always done it for her. i dont want her or anyone feeling bad for me i lived my life......... this is a good place to talk about.
Know that if she is doing it for you she loves you. I keep telling my husband that even if he feels guilty that he can't do what he used to do it doesn't matter because I love him. I do a lot of what he used to but I love him. I feel overwhelmed but he is the love of my life. That's what keeps me going.
 
Myownself, like you, we dont have the extra money to hire people to do.seasonal jobs around our house. I keep a.running list of the things to be done. That way, if someone comes and says" what can I do to help?" I put them to work with my list. It may not be a professional job but people are grateful for having been able to help in a meaningful way. If they cant do the labor, I have them spend time with my husband so I can get it done. Dont be shy about accepting help. I would never have done it before but this disease takes as many helping hands as you can find to provide all the care needed for you, your pals , and home.
So how does a person get help when we know hardly anyone. It's weird we've live in Whatcom County for 30 years and have so few friends. No one I know to go to in a crisis. The people I know are the people I work with. I play music with a group of people who care for me but we don't have time to be friends, we all work full time. A support group in my area is great but I work the times they meet. I hardly have time to take a shower he's asleep now or I wouldn't be here and I have to go check on him. I'm so lost
 
I think its so great that you can express your love for husband in your actions! Even if you can't get to the local support meetings here in B'ham for your own sanity you should still call the local ALS Assoc. care services coordinator Oliver Ross 360-733-5222. He came by my house the other day (He comes to town on Thursdays) and dropped off some apparatus for me. But better yet he can calm a lot of your fears and provide a sympathetic ear.
 
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