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lhagsjr said:
so many things for 10 months. Im spent. I have fought:

1.) The symptoms and watching my 28 years young body deterioate in front of my eyes. The last 2 weeks have been HORRIBLE because i have lost so much muscle just in the last 2 weeks its amazing.

2.) PAIN: My shoulders are KLLING ME 24/7 from being unstable. They pop in and out of the join3 and crackle ALL DAY long with any movement.

3.) The struggle with my family. They dont think Im crazy but they dont believe me that its as serious as it is...

4.) Financial worries. How the hell are we going to afford the mortgage when I cant work which is going to be very soon. I struggle VERY MUCH to get out of bed now.


I truely want to die.

lhaq----I have been reading your posts, and its responses. I wish there was a way we could be of some help. Als is such a horrible disease. I am totally out of words. All I can do is try, and be of a little help! I just lost my son, 38 yrs, 2 months ago, and believe me I saw the changes right before my eyes. Many a night I'd just lay in bed, not able to sleep, and ask myself, "Why do these things happen?" I cried soooo many tears, so many, that by the time my son's departure took place, I couldn't cry anymore. I felt numb. Even now, today, i get mad at myself, because I couldn't cry as much as I did during the time that my son was ill. My son lasted 15 months after diagnosed, those 15 mos. were pure torment for me. Als is so bad, it hurts so many people, and my son, poor baby, he was such an angel, he never complained. He just wanted for us to act normal, which I tried, but I was dying inside. His illness, and his departure changed me. I love my son so much, and miss him trribly. I talk to him every night when I am praying. I am just waiting for that moment when we meet again.

Now, let me ask you, didn't you say that your family don't believe that it is serious, or am I wrong? I am sure your family is sticking by you! Have you tried talking to your clergy? Or maybe, get your immediate family together, and share your thoughts, or whatever. Are you angry? If so, who are you angry at? I don't know why I am asking you such questions, I am sure it is a different ballgame, when you are the als sufferer. May God bless you, and give you the strength to endure this terrible illness. We will be praying for you. Keep us posted.

xoxoxo,
Irma
 
Lou:

Considering you have yet to be diagnosed, there is always hope that you may have a condition that is treatable. Your family loves you and wants you around as long as possible. It's possible you may not even have a life threatening illness. I would encourage you to talk with a counselor or another professional about your situation. It is vital that you deal with these feelings as soon as you can. I will keep you in my prayers and ask that you do the same as I struggle with my symptoms.
 
My Dad has a form of ALS.. We always thought he was Superman. Twice the age of most of my friend's fathers he could out run any of them without breaking a sweat. He was diagnosed about three and a half years ago. I watched his hands deteriorate his legs and eventually everything. He hates depending on people. I can see it. He hates the entire situation. But he is so strong and I am so proud of him.

I can't imagine what you're going through. I can only understand what the others around you are feeling. But please, do not think you are a burden on anyone. There are people who need you in their life and care about you so much.

As my Dad often says--

"It's not over until it's over"
 
lhagsjr said:
my muscles are shrinking at an unbelievable rate the last month or so. All my joints are popping and cracking whenever there is motion and this is due to the lack of muscle support. It is inevitable with twitching involved that I have ALS. Im just way to young to be thrown this curveball and my poor wife of 15 months definitely shouldnt have to care for me. Ive been praying to God lately that I would die in my sleep everynight before I go to bed. Could those on here please pray for my request.

Thank You

lhagsjr,

I am just like you, I want to die. I too, pray to God every night to let me just die. The pain and knowing it will just get worse, leaves
me hopeless.

Conrad
 
Lou and Conrad- Cornflower is right. There are people who care about you. Remember also that what we think about most of the time colors our wold and our emotions.

When thinking about the symptoms we all share, it is clear that one of only 3 things can happen. We can either get better, stay the same, or get worse. If the worse happens, all the dread in the world won't stave it off. We'll just end up sick AND misreable. Best to ejoy all we can, while we can. JMO. Cindy
 
I know the feeling

I pray the same thing for my wife every night. She doesn't need to be put thru any more of this. The dementia has affected her mind so much, she doesn't know what's going on around her. I pray that God will spare her anymore suffering. We've only been married 3 yrs., so like you we're newlyweds. I just wish I had her at home with me.
 
Hi Guys We have to give each other hope and incouagement this is terrible the way you guys talk Your love ones want and need you no matter what. you have to believe that Everyone is dying we just know from what >And guess what we may die of something else so please keep the faith and pray for a cure,and not to die There are alot of people that love and need you. Pat
 
Please remember that how you are feeling and what you are thinking has been and is being thought and felt by thousands of people right now...... Whether it is ALS, Cancer or a serious addiction...... Becareful what you ask for because you just might get it, i was suicidal as a teen and got through it and i now i feel in some sick way i got what i had prayed for way back then..... Never pray for death, pray for STRENGTH....... Death comes to all eventually, so that is ONE thing you need not worry about... All these replies have great advice, a therapist will be able to help you with all your worries and show you how to work through them. Love, Sammantha ps...My family and co-workers where the same way and i had to say F--k it, i know how i am feeling, i know whats wrong with me so what they think or say is going to be their guilt someday, not mine!
 
Hi Pat,

Did you start out at Drexel with Dr Terry Heiman Patterson. Did she give you your diagnosed. or did you go to her to confirm it? I here she is excellent...
When i called there in June I was told she was booked until February and that she wasn't seeing any new patients. They said you have to see one of her associates first.

thanks,
crystalkk
 
Fear Not, God Is With You

FEAR NOT FOR GOD IS WITH YOU

Beneath Gods watchful loving eye
Small and weak we stand, you and I.
But we need not fear the perils around
When beneath Gods wings we're found

When troubles and sorrows come our way
God will work them out if we pray.
Just trust Him, He'll guide you ore
And help you stand, with His mighty hand.

Remember it's darkest before the dawn
Don't be discouraged, keep going on.
Soon the light will break through
And His love will surround you.

Into each life some rain must fall
There's mountains for us all.
There's always another cross to bare
But remember Christ will always be there.

I just want you to know, That through this time, Please remember your not alone..

You are in my prayers....
 
I have said a prayer that you will seek help for your anxiety and depression. You DO NOT have to feel this way, and you need help. When you are praying for death, I think you need to worry about your mental health first, and then you can address your diagnosis.

As a side note, you can't possibly be eating properly, are you? I mean, most people who experience this level of anxiety and don't get it treated end up suffering from malnutrition, which can cause wasting and all sorts of aweful things. I am not trying to be rude, and I know nothing of your situation, but please take care of your brain and body. Force yourself to move forward and take it one step at a time. I wish I could PM you, but I've had that ability pulled.

You don't have to go through this like this. You can be helped.
 
lhagsjr,

Please listen to Samantha. Pray for STRENGTH and pray with GRATITUDE. There are many stories - tragic stories of hard hard life and hard death. You have a wife - my sister died at 22 - car accident = instant death. She did not get to marry her almost fiance and she really wanted to. She got her degree and elementary teacher certification but postumously. At first, in my grief, I was 28. I thought that was stupid - to award her degree after she died. It was NOT - she earned it. It was wonderful. She was my best friend and I celebrate her. It was a long time ago 1976. She is one of the joys of my life. Be a hero -be strong - love your wife and be grateful.

Today at cards, I heard a lady say, "I woke up this morning - it's a great day." I have heard that before. But today it really rang true and it was great to hear. And then I read your post. I think that is a great coincidence. Believe me it's a great day because you got up this morning and each morning you do get up is a great blessing. Please count your blessings. I will pray for you and the others that share your sadness this day. But please get some help to focus on the good stuff. Sincerely, Peg
 
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