Hello all, my last post was in early June. My mom (68) was diagnosed in June and has an appointment with an ALS specialist in San Antonio (Dr. Jackson) next Monday.
Why am I not completely freaked out? I love my mom. I don't want her to die. I find myself spending time thinking things like "will this be out last Mother's Day, 4th of July, etc/" I just can't really wrap my mind around it I guess. She's using a walker, has very slurred speech, and other slight difficulties, but things haven't really changed as far as how she relates to the world. I call every couple days. It feels like there's this giant elephant in the room and no one is talking about it. I want her to go out and live life, do things, but she's "just reading a book" everytime I call.
I'm rambling. Could it be that it's all still too new? I'm in denial? She's in denial? I feel bad for not feeling bad. Is that stupid or what? My brain keeps telling me that she's not going to die tomorrow and I need to hang in there to help care for her when the time comes. Otherwise I'll be crying for rest of her life and that would be hard on all of us.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just read everyone else's posts about how upset they are and wonder where I'm going wrong.
Why am I not completely freaked out? I love my mom. I don't want her to die. I find myself spending time thinking things like "will this be out last Mother's Day, 4th of July, etc/" I just can't really wrap my mind around it I guess. She's using a walker, has very slurred speech, and other slight difficulties, but things haven't really changed as far as how she relates to the world. I call every couple days. It feels like there's this giant elephant in the room and no one is talking about it. I want her to go out and live life, do things, but she's "just reading a book" everytime I call.
I'm rambling. Could it be that it's all still too new? I'm in denial? She's in denial? I feel bad for not feeling bad. Is that stupid or what? My brain keeps telling me that she's not going to die tomorrow and I need to hang in there to help care for her when the time comes. Otherwise I'll be crying for rest of her life and that would be hard on all of us.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just read everyone else's posts about how upset they are and wonder where I'm going wrong.