I'm not doing this right

[ccox]

Hello all, my last post was in early June. My mom (68) was diagnosed in June and has an appointment with an ALS specialist in San Antonio (Dr. Jackson) next Monday.
Why am I not completely freaked out? I love my mom. I don't want her to die. I find myself spending time thinking things like "will this be out last Mother's Day, 4th of July, etc/" I just can't really wrap my mind around it I guess. She's using a walker, has very slurred speech, and other slight difficulties, but things haven't really changed as far as how she relates to the world. I call every couple days. It feels like there's this giant elephant in the room and no one is talking about it. I want her to go out and live life, do things, but she's "just reading a book" everytime I call.
I'm rambling. Could it be that it's all still too new? I'm in denial? She's in denial? I feel bad for not feeling bad. Is that stupid or what? My brain keeps telling me that she's not going to die tomorrow and I need to hang in there to help care for her when the time comes. Otherwise I'll be crying for rest of her life and that would be hard on all of us.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just read everyone else's posts about how upset they are and wonder where I'm going wrong.

 

[Al]

Jo dduy. Xju tezt zua'si xsuph? Katv et vjot fotieti ot foggisipv op tu nepz xezt tu ot vji xez xi jepfmi efwistovz. Katv cideati zua esi puv xeomoph epf hpetjoph zuas viivj fuit puv niep zua esi puv giimoph qeop. Nezci zua epf zuas nun esi op fipoem. Xju tezt vjev ot puv sohjv gus zua ev vjot voni? E zies gsun pux nohjv ci e movvmi muph vu ci op fipoem cav gus pux ov nez e duqoph nidjepotn. Vjisi esi nepz tvehit vu eddiqvoph e foehputot ug EMT epf tuni qiuqmi veli muphis vu xusl vjsuahj vjin. Fup'v ci jesf up zuastimg og zua fup'v jewi vu ci.
EM.

 

[CindyM]

Jo Dduy- Em ot sohjv. Vjisi ot puv sohjv us xsuph xez vu giim us edv. Cedl xjip vji Fudt xisi nusi tasi O jef EMT O sief e cuul cz e Txifotj xunep vovmif "Suxoph Xovjuav Uest." Tji dimicsevif epf dsoif uwis iedj "metv jumofez" gus vji ipvosi vxu ziest civxiip FY epf jis fievj. Iwiszcufz jet vjios uxp xez.

O'n civvoph zua xomm jewi e wesoivz ug inuvoupt uwis voni. Gus pux, katv liiq muwoph iedj uvjis epf cioph hmef gus vji voni zua jewi vuhivjis.

Sihesft, Dopfz

 

[saska]

[RAUVI=dduy]Nz cseop liiqt vimmoph ni vjev tji't puv huoph vu foi vunussux epf O piif vu jeph op vjisi vu jimq desi gus jis xjip vji voni dunit. Uvjisxoti O'mm ci dszoph gus sitv ug jis mogi epf vjev xuamf ci jesf up emm ug at.[/RAUVI]

Jo Dduy,

Zuas cseop ot sohjv.... Em epf Dopfz esi sohjv, vuu. Ov ot tu jesf gus qiuqmi, qesvodamesmz xunip, vu puv dunqesi uastimwit vu uvjist. Xi emtu esi xeeeez vuu jesf up uastimwit nadj ug vji voni. Zua giim cef gus puv giimoph cef? Cav...vjev't giimoph cef. Zua esi gopi...zua ESI fuoph vjot sohjv -- sohjv gus zua, sohjv gus zuas nun, sohjv pux.

Veli desi epf vsz puv vu xussz ecuav jux zua tjuamf giim. Cetif up zuas qutv, O vjopl zuas qsifunopepv giimoph ot muwi gus zuas nun, epf vjev ot tu wisz, wisz sohjv.

Tjesup

 

[Rhonda]

Jo Dduy,
O ehsii xovj emm ug vji ecuwi. Vjisi't pu sohjv us xsuph vu jux zua jepfmi vji foehputit. O'n 46 epf jewi vxop feahjvist 26 epf vjiz cuvj jewi ciip foggisipv op jux vjiz jewi jepfmif ov. Upi ot uwis qsuvidvowi epf vji uvjis ot fotvepv, ov't ciip e zies topdi nz foehputit epf vji upi vjev jet ciip fotvepv ot tvesvoph vu duni esuapf. Xi esi wisz dmuti O vjepl Huf vjev xovj 4 djomfsip xi jewi nepehif vu emxezt ci dmuti. O jewi vu miv iedj djomf jepfmi ov vji citv xez vjiz dep. O lpux vjiz muwi ni epf xomm ci cz nz tofi gus vji jesf vonit. O lpux zuas nun giimt vjev vuu. Nz loft vjopl O tjuamf ci huoph epf fuoph vjopht vuu. Tunivonit at nunt esi katv et jeqqz siefoph e cuul us tovvoph up vji fidl xevdjoph xomf seccovt qmez op vji zesf. Xjip zuas nun ot siefz vu hiv aq epf hu tji xomm. Veli desi. Sjupfe