Hi there.....Please do not be hard on yourself. I've been going through this with my sister going on 7 years, and I still don't understand it. New symptoms pop up all the time....it's horrible. As far as you feeling guilty, or feeling like a jerk, I have felt those feeling many times or the last 7 years. I remember at one point, I didn't even want to go out of the house in fear of having fun. I felt so guilty that my younger sister was going through this and I was so healthy. You, being on this forum and asking questions is proof enough that you are such a good person and care so much...don't ever doubt that. It's important to ask tons of questions and research as much as you can. For me, the more I understood about this awful disease, the calmer I felt....and thus was able to help my sister with much more patience and understanding. All the best....my prayers go with you......Laurie Staller