cradford
New member
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2008
- Messages
- 1
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Country
- CA
- State
- Ontario
- City
- Ottawa
Hi my name is Carl Radford. For me this has been a long time coming. I was 9 I believe when my father was diagnosed with ALS. At first I did not understand what was going on. I noticed though that for about 4 months before he was diagnosed he had lost the ability to really move his head very much, and he was always looking down. It was not until his lung collapsed and he was admitted to the hospital permantley, that it really started setting in. The next 4 years were hell for me. I remember at one point a misinformed doctor had told my stepmom and my dad that he was getting better and that he would be out in a couple of weeks maybe a month tops, only to have a doctor tell them and then me that this was simply not the case and that this disease was fatal. Watching my father waste away to almost nothing is something I cannot describe in words. I was only a child watching this but it still effected me alot. Sadly the older I get the more I miss having my father in my life and a good male role model. The drain on me was one thing, but the for the rest of my family who were much older then I and thus able to understand what was goin on better it was devastating. My mother felt terrible knowing that I was loosing my father at such a young age, my step mother who my dad had reunited with b4 being diagnosed or even showing symptoms was always taking care of him. She literally would work all day go to the hospital until visiting hours were over, then go home to sleep and start the day all over again. My fathers family who live in the US would frequently make trips up to come see him. This disease not only sucked the life out of my dad slowly but watching him die sucked the life out of all those who loved him. Sadly my stepmother who had, had cancer before but was in remission was diagnosed with it while my father was still living a passed away a year later. When my father passed away I was 13. I can remember my mother telling me and I did not even know what to feel. At that age I understood what had happened but it was almost like I had shut down and detached emotionally a couple of years before. The older I get as I said before the more I miss him. For me though I ask people that new him well about him and try and re-live the positive memories I have about him. He was a very warm man. He was involved in social activism from an early age and had the privaledge to march with men like Martin Luther King jr and Jesse Jackson. He was a peace activist and believed in racial equality. I am 21 years old now and am in my second year of university at carleton in Ottawa, eventhough it has been 8 years since he passed away and nine since my stepmother passed the memories seem very vivid and the pain can still seem so raw. I am writing this one because I cannot sleep and two because I have never wrote about this part of my life in a open forum, in a wierd sense I felt guilt and shame about it like I was totally alone in this pain. I think its time I do more then just visit thier gravesite, I figure I should start talking about, this seems like a good first step, hen maybe one day ill join a group and meet face to face with people or seek one on one counselling anyone who has a suggestion or would like to talk is more then welcome to reply to this I am grateful a site like this exists
