I have A Dilima

[vic0613]

My husband just got diagnosed about 6 months ago and before he got diagnosed we were having problems. To start off 2006 his daughter passed away and we also have a 20 month old daughter. Anyway my dilema is that he is having temper tantrums and has become violent. Not all the time just every now and then and I am wanting to move b/c I do not want to raise my daughter with the emotions of what is going on in the house. I still want to take care of him but I just cant live the fear that he might hurt our daughter one day. And I know he would not do it on purpose but I am confused If I should just hang it out our just leave.

 

[Mark]

Tantrum

Hi:

Is your husband willing to consider seeing a psychiatrist or other therapist? Seeing someone together could be helpful. If not, you might want to consider finding someone for yourself to help you with this. Are his tantrums of recent onset or were they going on before his diagnosis? Good luck!

Mark

 

[vic0613]

Dilima

He doesn't even want to go to the doctor and I have tried to get him to talk to someone and he doen't want any help from any one. They were an onsite about six months before he was diagnosed.

 

[sufernan]

Not easy

The road of ALS is never an easy one. I also raised a baby while taking care of my husband for 3 years. If you do not feel a deep love for your husband that pulls you to do anything in your power to help him, then you will not survive and it may be better for him also if there are other around.
We have talked in this forum before about abuse. Do not allow anyone to treat you without respect or love, that is the bottom line. is something your baby and yourself should always live with.
I sugest that you and your husband find lots of support and care-givers to help him out. Please remember that ALS is not an excuse to be abusived to your wife.
I am sorry you are in this situation, and I hope you will show your child strength and love for yourself first and others after.
I am thinking about you.
Sunny

 

[Jamiet]

There are reports of the disease affecting the brain, esp. emotions, and this may be the cause.

I would suggest that you require him to get some help and tell him the consequences of not, but make sure someone else is close by in case he "goes off".

I think an SSRI (Wellbutrin / Zoloft or something close) would work, but he needs to see a Phsych for them to determine what he needs.

Good luck

 

[vic0613]

Thank You

I would like to thank you for all your suggestion and comments I am working real hard to figure out what would be best for him and everyone else. All I can do is pray right now and I will find the right one. Thank You again

 

[CindyM]

Hi Vic. the kind of anger and acting out that you describe can happen for a variety of reasons, but the bottom line is that you and the baby need to be safe at all times. I agree you should be very clear with him about what you will tolerate, but this is a conversation that you should begin only after you have made sure you have a good safety plan in case he reacts badly. At the very least begin your discussion with hubby in the office of a trusted clergy or counselor.

Please do an online search for how to develop a safety plan for women and their children who want to gain some space. Your local domestic violence center's website will have lots of good tips. Take care, Cindy

 

[mlb]

Hi Vic

The injustice of it all! First the death of his daughter and now his diagnosis with an incurable disease. No wonder he is angry. His violent outbursts although unacceptable, are understandable in view of what he has faced and remains to face.
He hardly had time to grieve over his loss and now this... He needs a professional to help him deal with his feelings. You both need help. To leave him especially when he needs all the support and love to cope with his illness would be detrimental and a further injustice (in his eyes).
Try not to handle this situation on your own. You need to protect both yourself and your child but at the same time find a peaceful solution.

Anna

 

[vic0613]

Thank You

Just wanted to let everyone know I have decided to stay and he has agreeded to go to counsling or what ever he needs to do so we can make it thru this I love my husband dearly and I would do anything in the world for him and I want to be there by his side. And I think we can do this now that he knows why he is mad at the world and nothing is going his way. But u have to take life for what you are giving and go with it bad or good. And make the best for you and your family. We are going on vacation in about 3 to 4 weeks haven't finished planning yet but it will do us good to get away and doing something with baby. Thanks again for all your advice and will be talking soon.

Vickie:-D :-D :-D

 

[liz]

Vickie --

I'm glad to hear things are going better. It is no doubt you have challenges ahead, as do we all. For your daughter's sake and yours I hope he can refrain from any more abusive behavior. Best wishes to you.

Liz

 

[mlb]

Glad to see things are working out for the three of you.

Anna

 

[ellisa]

I hope everything works out for you. Just remember no matter what is going on in life be it good or bad, children were not asked to brought into this world so your daughter deserves to be loved unconditionally. Yes, your husband and you have been dealt a horrible hand at life(ALS) but on the other, he has been given a beautiful daughter, who he should be creating wonderful memories with so she is able to remember her Father for the caring and loving man he was and is, not the abusive man this disease has turned him into. Your family is in my prayers.

Happy memories or the best memories,
God Bless
Ellisa

 

[vic0613]

Life Lesson

I beleive we will be making beautiful memories now that things have settled down a little bit around my house to much stress with everything going on. Mom finally moved out and got her own place and things have been great since then. He is doing more with our daughter and me and we are figuring this out together. And he has a smile on his face every day now and I think he has relized alot of things since I told him I was going to leave that he does need me and he told that I was his heart and soul and he couldn't do this alone. I told him that when he gets angry talk about it our go outside and take it on something else. So I will keep everyone informed on progress and after Vacation I will share some pictures. Thanks to everyone for all your comments and I will keep everyone in my prayers will talk soon.

Vickie

 

[CindyM]

Good for you, Vickie. It is a smart person who decides to take control of the situations that this disease forces upon us and begin to learn more about living to the best of our abilities. Your hubby is smart to realize that his family will remember him as he presents himself now, so I am glad he made a decision to be niceer to you. Enjoy your vacation! Cindy