I can't stand this anymore!

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shelleynshaggy

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Tonight Jim came down stairs and our six year old was crying. I asked him why she was crying (he was just up there) he said no reason. Minutes later she came downstairs crying - daddy kicked her in the face (she is sleeping in a tent in the living room.) When I asked what happened he said she mouthed back to him so he shoved her - (like that is better.) However, my 9 year old tells the same story - daddy kicked the tent hitting her sister. I am at my wit's end when it comes to him. When I talk to him about it he stares straight ahead no reaction, no emotion, nothing. Just staring at the TV. I turned the tv off and tried again - he got up and went to bed instead. I really can't take this! School started yesterday and I found myself ready to start sleeping the days away again. I HATE being stuck home all day with just him. No conversation, nothing. He is still pretty self dependant - so I only have to do so much for him. I am basically here to watch him.

Yesterday I found out that he shattered the six year olds Kindle last week and convinced her not to tell me. I am so pissed - yeah, I'm mad it's broken - but it was an accident. What gets me is that no one told me. I saved for so long to get it for her birthday and there is no repairing it. Best part - his response "You can still see it -it's no big deal." it is shattered!

I started using my cpap last night - hoping it will help with some of my fatigue etc. (Sleep study was basically non-diagnostic, so not sure if this will help.) However, seeing as how I can already feel a shift in my depression with school starting I am not holding onto hope very well. Anyhow, I get all hooked up and not once but twice he all the sudden needs something. Once he woke me to give me the mail, the second time he wanted to take a shower -NOW. Nevermind that I had just tried to get him to shower - no he'd do it later he said.

Today I went to put up the blinds that "somehow" got pulled down - no one knows how of course. I find out that he threw away the brand new brackets I bought. I am so tired of him tossing things away - everything from checks, mortgage papers, kids homework, you name it. He won't put things away but is constantly moving MY stuff.
The next person who tells me how good he is doing or how good his "Rainman-like" memory is may get the wrath of Shelley unleashed upon them!

Just needed to b*tch - thanks for "listening!"
 

ottawa girl

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You are exhausted! No small wonder.

Shelley, I realize this may be a redundant comment - but can you somehow line up a couple of volunteers to give you and the kids a few hours of respite once or twice a week? I just cannot imagine how you do it! There is for sure, a special place in heaven reserved for folks like you.
 

shelleynshaggy

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The help I do have helps me during the weekends. I really don't know who else to turn to for help. Funds are beyond tight so paying someone is not an option. I do leave him/them alone at times for me time (which according to the FTD neuro is fine). Right now my BFF is out of state at least until September and she is my main get-away buddy. I am going to start to volunteer more at the school and maybe a local charity bookstore. However, I have learned that I am NOT dependable at stuff I don't HAVE to do. Baby steps I guess.
 

Nikki J

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Hi Shelley
I am so terribly sorry I am alarmed that your child was kicked! I realize you did not see it but from what you can learn was it an accident like he stumbled or an actual kick? If the latter you need to reevaluate having him at home. If he is becoming violent he is a danger to you and your children. Maybe he can have meds adjusted but if not the disease has reached point that you can't handle him at home. FTD is evil indeed. I worry that another time someone could be seriously injured
 

Katie C

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OK my dear... first of all I'm sorry I haven't been online. We'll chat later but I'm going to say here for the sake of others facing the same issues... I want you to start looking for a day care. They usually charge on a sliding scale. The one Glen went to even had scholarships. The girls need you.. and they need you sane. It doesn't have to be full time, just a couple times a week.
 

Barbie

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Shelley, I just want to give you a big hug and let you know you are not alone! :)
 

GregK

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Shelley,

I am sorry you are having these issues.

Does you medical coverage possibly include counselling for Jim? It sounds like he is having some issues which may respond to a third party listening and being involved.

Good luck to you!
 

pearshoot

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welcome outdoor man nc been on here since about jan/2011 we know each other from facebook and wdc
 

sadiemae

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Shel, Exactly what Katie said.
 

shelleynshaggy

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Does you medical coverage possibly include counselling for Jim? It sounds like he is having some issues which may respond to a third party listening and being involved.
I don't think any counseling will be helpful due to Jim's FTD issues. He thinks all is well - I doubt he even remembers doing it by now.
 

skipper66

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Hi Shelley,
Your post alarmed me. You need to desperately get your husband some counseling or possibly on some medication. I hate to say this but your kids safety and yours is definitely at risk. I know alot about anger issues personally and they won't clear up on their own. Listen to Katie and get help Now! Last but not least I'm sending you a hug. You have alot on your plate! Kim
 

Katie C

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OK, gonna step in here for a second... Shelley's Jim and my Glen travelled much the same road. He IS being treated by an FTD specialist. FTD does NOT respond to counselling. Counselling helps the client work through issues through a basic cause/effect model.. let's see where this anger is coming from, where this behavior is coming from... then let's find ways to change it. The FTD patient has no empathy and no executive brain function. They do not see cause/effect (I could give you some pretty gross examples but I won't.) They also simply do not care if something they are doing bothers someone else. Try to think about what it's like to try to reason with a 3 year old. This is exactly why Shelley is so frustrated. I honestly am in awe every day of the way she manages, with two fairly young kids to raise at the same time!
 

skipper66

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I see the point now on why counseling will not help much since he's a FTD patient. But, I worry about Shelley and the kids. Couldn't the kids or her be in danger of serious injury. Is there any other ways they can be helped out? This has to be terribly frustrating for Shelley. Do you have any family members Shelley that would give you some relief or support. Your post really makes me sad for your whole family. Wish I could do something to help. Kim
 

happygardener

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This is all so bad!Hugs!just when i think i have it soo bad i hear of someone else who has so many issues..we are all in this together!
 
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