zoohouse
Senior member
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2013
- Messages
- 959
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 07/2012
- Country
- CA
- State
- B.C.
- City
- Salmon Arm
I am at my wits end and it has nothing to do with this disease.
After the scare we had with Tim's gallbladder and his increasing difficulty speaking and swallowing I decided I would arrange for all of his kids, and mine to come for Christmas. I contacted them all and told them that we would like to pay for the air fare for them and their significant others for Christmas. Because Christmas is a high season it would have to be from the 24th to the 31st so that we could afford it. His eldest son asked if he and his wife could come on the 26th instead, and we told him that it would mean over $300 more for each of them, and a second trip to the airport 60 miles away. His response was "well I don't know what to say." Nothing more, and was not willing to talk about it for the next couple of days. His youngest daughter asked if she could come a couple of days earlier and she would pay the difference. We said of course she could but that it would be $450 dollars more. She was not expecting it to be that much more and said to go ahead and book it for the original dates, and thank you very much.
His oldest daughter got back to us saying she thought that they could make it. She did ask who was coming, which didn't surprise us as she and her brother had been at odds over the last year or so. We told her that we had invited all her siblings, and her response was well count us in.
This is all sounding great, right? Two days later Tim's oldest son finally found time to Skype with him. He said he couldn't come on the 24th and 25th because we had taken his dog sitter and he had to work. Tim asked him why the other days were OK then, and it went down hill from there. I was doing the laundry and I started to hear a lot of disrespectful comments. I will be the first to admit to having a bad temper, especially when I see young people being disrespectful to their elders. Then Tim told him that he was sorry he couldn't make it because all of his sibling would be here. When he found out his older sister was coming he started to yell. When he started calling her filthy names, I had had enough and told him he had better check his attitude, and that he should not speak about his sister that way. I warned him that he would regret those words if anything happened to her and those were the last thing he had said about her.
OK I was yelling, I admit it, but in my defence I had to yell to be heard over his yelling. He hung up after a few more expletives. 15 min. later I get a call from my son that David had called him saying that I had the nerve to yell at him and I did not have the right.
It went down hill from there if that is possible. Apparently kids don't have to respect us unless we deserve it, and I should not have yelled at him. WHAT! We do no have the right as their parents to expect them not to scream and swear while speaking to us, when we have never behaved that way?
So, for Tim's sake and certainly by his request I texted his son and apologized for raising my voice to him. I told him that his father wanted to talk to him, and I promised him I would not be in the room or interfere. Skype was set up and the connection was made and I went into the office.
Tim is a soft spoken man who has the patience of Job, and does NOT use profanity. With in 2 minutes David was yelling at his father, ranting, screaming, because his sister deserves all of his contempt. He said there would be fighting, and it would be Jessica that would be the cause of it all. It went on and on, with Tim only able to get a few words in asking him to please stop yelling and swearing. This didn't improve anything, then his son stormed out leaving Tim staring at a blank screen. But Tim's wife stepped in and started yelling at Tim as well. When Tim did get to ask why David couldn't come on the 24th when the flight wasn't until 6:40 pm well after his work, she told him it was none of his business. She was willing to stay home and dog sit the dogs, and save the money on the fare, so David could come and if we had to make an extra trip to the airport, Oh well. Then David came back, and she stopped yelling and said, "I love you Tim." in a sweet voice. When Tim repeated the question to his son the screaming started again. In total his son yelled at Tim for 45 min, I had taken note of the time.
I feel that I had practised super human restraint staying in the office, but I was cracking. Then I heard Davids wife interupt and said "forget the 24th and 25th, if you want David there he will come on the 26th, we have made all the compromises that we are going to make. Tim tried to get David to answer his question, but she stopped him saying "enough! YES or NO!
I am screaming inside my head NO, NO, HELL NO!, and I heard a quiet calm "well then, no."
from Tim. At this I got up knowing that the yelling would continue, and it did. When David saw me walk with great resolution into the room, OK when he saw me stomp into the room, he said " Oh no you don't." and hung up. Tim was shaking, and I didn't know he had enough muscles left to do that. He started to cry saying he had failed his kids, that he had done a poor job and didn't know why he should continue to fight this disease. I reminded him that there were two parents involved in raising the kids, and he did not teach them that behaviour, where as his ex was famous for her foul language and tantrums. Three of his kids were coming and we would have a good Christmas. It would be Davids loss, and chances are that if he had come it would have been a disaster.
That was yesterday, and today we have been getting a berage of scathing texts from his ex-wife. She posted long sermons about burning bridges, and setting boundaries, and that she is a mother bear who will protect her young, on and on.
The only good thing I can say about Tim dying is that he will be free of this disease and we will be finally free of her. I will never have to even think about her again.
I am so sorry friends, I am emotionally drained. I thought I was doing something good and it turned out to be a nightmare. Please pray for me if you are so inclined. Pray that I have wisdom and patience. Pray that both of our eldest son's remember that this was not the way they were raised.
I know that this is turning into a book, but I had to get it out. I am open to advice, even if it is to say that we handled it poorly. I know that it will be said with no bias, and I admit that I certainly could be wrong.
Paulette
After the scare we had with Tim's gallbladder and his increasing difficulty speaking and swallowing I decided I would arrange for all of his kids, and mine to come for Christmas. I contacted them all and told them that we would like to pay for the air fare for them and their significant others for Christmas. Because Christmas is a high season it would have to be from the 24th to the 31st so that we could afford it. His eldest son asked if he and his wife could come on the 26th instead, and we told him that it would mean over $300 more for each of them, and a second trip to the airport 60 miles away. His response was "well I don't know what to say." Nothing more, and was not willing to talk about it for the next couple of days. His youngest daughter asked if she could come a couple of days earlier and she would pay the difference. We said of course she could but that it would be $450 dollars more. She was not expecting it to be that much more and said to go ahead and book it for the original dates, and thank you very much.
His oldest daughter got back to us saying she thought that they could make it. She did ask who was coming, which didn't surprise us as she and her brother had been at odds over the last year or so. We told her that we had invited all her siblings, and her response was well count us in.
This is all sounding great, right? Two days later Tim's oldest son finally found time to Skype with him. He said he couldn't come on the 24th and 25th because we had taken his dog sitter and he had to work. Tim asked him why the other days were OK then, and it went down hill from there. I was doing the laundry and I started to hear a lot of disrespectful comments. I will be the first to admit to having a bad temper, especially when I see young people being disrespectful to their elders. Then Tim told him that he was sorry he couldn't make it because all of his sibling would be here. When he found out his older sister was coming he started to yell. When he started calling her filthy names, I had had enough and told him he had better check his attitude, and that he should not speak about his sister that way. I warned him that he would regret those words if anything happened to her and those were the last thing he had said about her.
OK I was yelling, I admit it, but in my defence I had to yell to be heard over his yelling. He hung up after a few more expletives. 15 min. later I get a call from my son that David had called him saying that I had the nerve to yell at him and I did not have the right.
It went down hill from there if that is possible. Apparently kids don't have to respect us unless we deserve it, and I should not have yelled at him. WHAT! We do no have the right as their parents to expect them not to scream and swear while speaking to us, when we have never behaved that way?
So, for Tim's sake and certainly by his request I texted his son and apologized for raising my voice to him. I told him that his father wanted to talk to him, and I promised him I would not be in the room or interfere. Skype was set up and the connection was made and I went into the office.
Tim is a soft spoken man who has the patience of Job, and does NOT use profanity. With in 2 minutes David was yelling at his father, ranting, screaming, because his sister deserves all of his contempt. He said there would be fighting, and it would be Jessica that would be the cause of it all. It went on and on, with Tim only able to get a few words in asking him to please stop yelling and swearing. This didn't improve anything, then his son stormed out leaving Tim staring at a blank screen. But Tim's wife stepped in and started yelling at Tim as well. When Tim did get to ask why David couldn't come on the 24th when the flight wasn't until 6:40 pm well after his work, she told him it was none of his business. She was willing to stay home and dog sit the dogs, and save the money on the fare, so David could come and if we had to make an extra trip to the airport, Oh well. Then David came back, and she stopped yelling and said, "I love you Tim." in a sweet voice. When Tim repeated the question to his son the screaming started again. In total his son yelled at Tim for 45 min, I had taken note of the time.
I feel that I had practised super human restraint staying in the office, but I was cracking. Then I heard Davids wife interupt and said "forget the 24th and 25th, if you want David there he will come on the 26th, we have made all the compromises that we are going to make. Tim tried to get David to answer his question, but she stopped him saying "enough! YES or NO!
I am screaming inside my head NO, NO, HELL NO!, and I heard a quiet calm "well then, no."
from Tim. At this I got up knowing that the yelling would continue, and it did. When David saw me walk with great resolution into the room, OK when he saw me stomp into the room, he said " Oh no you don't." and hung up. Tim was shaking, and I didn't know he had enough muscles left to do that. He started to cry saying he had failed his kids, that he had done a poor job and didn't know why he should continue to fight this disease. I reminded him that there were two parents involved in raising the kids, and he did not teach them that behaviour, where as his ex was famous for her foul language and tantrums. Three of his kids were coming and we would have a good Christmas. It would be Davids loss, and chances are that if he had come it would have been a disaster.
That was yesterday, and today we have been getting a berage of scathing texts from his ex-wife. She posted long sermons about burning bridges, and setting boundaries, and that she is a mother bear who will protect her young, on and on.
The only good thing I can say about Tim dying is that he will be free of this disease and we will be finally free of her. I will never have to even think about her again.
I am so sorry friends, I am emotionally drained. I thought I was doing something good and it turned out to be a nightmare. Please pray for me if you are so inclined. Pray that I have wisdom and patience. Pray that both of our eldest son's remember that this was not the way they were raised.
I know that this is turning into a book, but I had to get it out. I am open to advice, even if it is to say that we handled it poorly. I know that it will be said with no bias, and I admit that I certainly could be wrong.
Paulette