Christy,
I'm so sorry to hear about how things are going with you right now. There is nothing harder!
I read your post from the other day talking about how you feel you're blowing it and I have to comment. I have felt that way myself, in relation to friends, family, work, etc. and you know what? That's not totally the case. We all react differently to these types of situations and we do what we need to do to get through each day. Some days that feels impossible and we make choices we aren't proud of. However, the people who love you accept that and although they may be on the sidelines, they are just waiting for you to invite them in. They will be there for you when you are ready to let them. I've pushed my friends away and sometimes I feel all alone but it's my own doing and I know it's temporary. I pushed them because I don't want to spend every minute talking about my Dad's health... and when I'm not with him, most times it is much easier to just be alone. When he is gone, I will get to fall apart and if I let them, my friends will help pull me back together. Same goes for you! True friends won't let this keep them away, they are just giving you the space you've pushed for.
These are hard times and I don't have a great suggestion for how to get through them. Our loved ones are in very similar places right now and you know that I know how you feel. If you want to talk about it and share a drink over the phone, send me a message and we can arrange it. I could probably use it, could you? Although it is easier to isolate right now, there are times where that is damaging... but there really are no right ways to cope with what you're going through. There are many wrong ways though so be careful that you don't bring harm to yourself. Keep in mind what a support you have been to your husband through this and that no matter how imperfect you may feel, you alone have insured him the best quality of life possible. It's a big responsibility but you've done that and you should have no regrets. NONE. Pain yes, that's something you cannot escape.
Take care of yourself and know that my offer of a drink & friend to blow off some steam with are real.
Sandy