hboyajian
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2006
- Messages
- 267
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Country
- US
- State
- Washington
- City
- Vashon
Dear Buf68, I am so sorry about this incredible loss in your life. The pain is huge right now, and for a long time you may re-live the painful events around his death, as his life meant so much to you. I also experienced this (as well as some insensitive medical personnel, though thankfully there were really helpful ones too). In time, the memories of the more difficult physical and psychological aspects of my father's passing have faded for me while the precious moments of love that we shared close to the end have remained strong in my memory. At first, I could hardly stand the anger and confusion I felt about some of the things that happened at the hospital. I found a counselor to talk to about it, which helped me considerably. You may want to do this or find a support group. I sincerely hope you have the time in your life to grieve and that you can find support from friends, and eventually your family as well when they are able.
I find that the grieving has been different than I thought. At first, I was so numb that I couldn't cry or seem to feel anything but emptiness and a huge hole in my heart. If this is happening for you, other people may misinterpret it as "strength". Then after a few weeks I went through episodes of crying and shaking so hard, waking up in the night. Whatever happens for you, be good to yourself and let yourself experience this bottomless grief however you need to. Your dad's love surrounds you even now. Sincerely, Holly
I find that the grieving has been different than I thought. At first, I was so numb that I couldn't cry or seem to feel anything but emptiness and a huge hole in my heart. If this is happening for you, other people may misinterpret it as "strength". Then after a few weeks I went through episodes of crying and shaking so hard, waking up in the night. Whatever happens for you, be good to yourself and let yourself experience this bottomless grief however you need to. Your dad's love surrounds you even now. Sincerely, Holly