How it happened-the end

[vzandt]

That's how my husband feels Elaine. Seems hes not quite sure yet.....

 

[panguinjen]

Mlox,
Sorry for your loss...and thank you for sharing your experience. Rog and I have had that conversation and it is in his health directive. No heroic measures but drugs to keep him comfortable...

Jen

 

[Georgia Peach]

I came home with a "comfort kit" from the VA Hospital when we came home after our 12 day stay in the Palliative Care wing. I administered the drugs and Hospice was only on board with us for 24 hours. They were not with us when he passed 5 months ago today. I thought I was prepared for the end of his life but I was WRONG.

 

[Judith Ann]

So sorry for your loss. Thanks for your post.

Judy

 

[MLOx]

Thank you all for your kind words, also Poppy I'm glad that you are having this conversation. My mom and I had the food and water conversation but were caught off guard by the med one, I didn't realize that for a lot of people that is how it happens. Any yes Elaine, I think you are right it's the leaving that hurts, and yes it takes time to think things through it's good that you can do this and have the ability to communicate it. I guess we also got caught off guard because the first nuro mom saw said that the majority of folks pass away in their sleep. So we hung onto that idea, what I'm learning is that for some it's very sudden and unexpected and others it is in their "sleep" but for many I'm guessing it's sleep induced via meds. Anyway --it was hard. Thank you again. Monica

 

[lovedbygoldens]

What a wonderful and helpful discussion. Not easy to have but so necessary. I am so sorry MLOx for your loss. One thing I would also add is to discuss with your PAL if they are on bi-pap, how they want this handled when the end is near. This was a point for my mother and her husband that was not discussed and it was left up to him to determine when to take it off since she was on it 24x7.

Again, not easy conversations but so important in order to make sure our PALs stay in control of their living and their dying.

 

[pmbenb83]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. Thank you for posting your experience. We are going through the exact same situation with Eric. I thought I was losing my mind. Our kids and I thought maybe we shouldn't be doing all the medications because they weren't working. We were somewhat on our own for a few days trying to medicate him ourselves trying to help him through this transition. The agitation was so upsetting, but we made a pact that we would follow his wishes and it is finally working for him.

Thank you again for your thread. It has put my mind at ease that we are doing the correct thing.

 

[notme]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Time really does heal, but please, let any guilt go. I have no doubt you did all you could to keep her comfortable.