You have two separate issues going on here. One is a lack of uninterrupted sleep and the other being a change in behavior.
Personality changes in PALS is quite common but I feel it's important to know where that change is coming from. Is it part of the disease itself, part of dealing with the disease, medication induced, a combination of the above or just being a hole of ass in general? Any of the above is possible.
I have not shared the details of my experience because our situation (as it pertains to meds) was pretty atypical and not in a good way, but I can tell you we were both put on antidepressants upon his dx and although the meds did exactly what they were designed to do, they also made us pretty (aka extremely) self absorbed, apathetic people who really couldn't stand each other. When meds are introduced or altered, I like to encourage folks to be on the lookout for personality changes in their PALS, as well as be mindful of their own personality changes. It's much easier to observe changes in others than it is to detect them in ourselves, so it never hurts to ask people if they've noticed a change in you. In my situation (med induced) I was able to reverse course but precious time was lost and I'm still very bitter. We were essentially robbed of the only thing we had any real control over - our behavior. Again, ours was atypical but not isolated.
It's also important to recognize that even without FTD or meds, a large percentage of PALS do experience some degree of change in personality. These changes are as individual as fingerprints, no two are alike. Truthfully, I don't really think it's possible to deal with this nightmare without personalities, perceptions and behavior changing to some degree.
Then there's just being crabby. Both PALS & CALS are equally at risk of acting like douchenozzles from time to time. The stress is enormous and compounded to the extreme due to the unrelenting progression & continual loss that comes with this horrendous disease. Really, it's just so traumatizing I don't know how anyone ever adjusts. But for PALS, there's such an overwhelming sense of loss of control. When faced with the reality there's nothing you can do stop or even slow the loss, it's only human nature to want to seize control of anything around you. My PALS once told me the only thing he had left was planning how he would face each day. That meant being able to control something as small as how many wet wipes (and which hand I used) to clean his rear end. Although not intentional, he lost sight of me as a person and began viewing me as an extension of himself. Dictating exactly when meds will be dispensed and in what fashion, how a shoe is to be tied, how hair is to be combed, barking orders, etc., these things aren't designed to make a CALS miserable, and, honestly it has nothing to do with us at all. It's about desperation and the fundamental need to retain SOME sense of control in a world hell bent on taking it all away.
For as much as a CALS understands this, it doesn't always (if ever) make being ordered to do something any easier. No one likes being told what to do and it's hard to want to do things for others when we feel unappreciated or taken advantage of. It does help to keep those lines of communication open at all times, though. And this applies to both sides. I think Blueandgold's thread really demonstrates the importance of ongoing communication, respectful dialogue and the need for physical affection. These are basic human needs and we should be really mindful of this and take full advantage it. When the goal post is moved, move with it. Don't give up or stop playing the game. Individual counseling was critical for me but it took a long time to find the right counselor. If contemplating this, try to find someone experienced in dealing with trauma/grief pertaining to illness & disease as opposed to folks specializing in divorce or generalized depression. It matters.
I also think 'me' time is essential to survival. You have to make time for you even when you don't want to. I never did and I can tell you I completely lost my sense of self and gained nothing but whole lot of bitterness. You are an individual, not just a CALS. CALS is what you do but don't let it become who you are. Don't confuse 'me' time with being selfish or being a bad spouse. You must take care of you and you need to treat it as seriously as you do taking care of those who depend on you. Caring for you makes caring for others possible. In the abstract, we can only care for others as well as we care for ourselves. *Period.
Lastly, sleep deprivation is serious business. I value my sleep because I know I'm a wretched hag without it. I'm pretty wretched regardless but that's a different story ;-) Even when my kids were infants I had to have my 6-8 and sleep trained them VERY early on. Why? Because I knew I would be a horrid mother during the day if I was up every 2-3 hours through the night. It was non negotiable. Obviously, caring for a PALS isn't the same as caring for babies and requires special consideration but it doesn't lessen the need for solid sleep. With my PALS, I didn't sleep solid every night but I did have a very small circle of family/friends that alternated duty & came one to two nights a week. It wasn't always regular or penciled in, but I made sure someone came when I knew I was at my breaking point (and I have a low threshold for sleep deprivation.) I can't tell you how I looked forward to those nights. They literally kept me going and I was so grateful for this basic luxury. I encourage anyone to exhaust every possible avenue for night relief, even if only once a month. Anything helps.
In short, there's no easy answer for how to navigate the common problems we all face. As much as we share the same disease, individual variables require us to customize solutions that work for US. The basic outline is; Identify the problem, mitigate & treat if possible, exercise self awareness, communication & affection, maintain independence through 'me' time and do not neglect the importance of sleep.
For everything else there's wine, a hidden pack of cigarettes and an online, alter ego when only a good Twitter rage will do