Jrzygrl
Senior member
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2017
- Messages
- 751
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 08/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- NJ
- City
- X
Hmm, same question as before. I still don't know how to answer.
On Tuesday, it will be 3 months since my DH gained his wings. I think I miss him more as the days pass. Mornings and night are the hardest for me. I used to refer to those times as "the odds-and-ends" of my day. When everyone else was sleeping and I had the quiet house to myself. Time to think. Now, the house is empty and all I think about at those times is how I miss him and what ALS stole from us.
ALS stole from us financially - well into the 6 figures. But that doesn't matter. As I still am working on settling all the financial and legal matters out, we were comfortable. But the cruelest thing it stole was time. TIme to be "US" again. We had both worked hard and saved. The kids were growing up and would soon be off on their own to college or working. We were starting to talk about when we would retire. Relax. Reconnect. Then came the monster.
First, time was spent chasing a diagnosis. "You have a unique case", the doctors would say. Then, time was spent trying to eliminate all other possibilities. Once the other things were ruled out, it became that slow, downhill roll. At times it picked up or slowed down, but never stopped. Until the end.
Now, I have time. But it's so empty. I know he wouldn't want me to waste the life I have, but I don't know what to do or who I even am anymore. I question so many things I did or didn't do.
Friends and family have been great on checking in on me, but I still have this loneliness that is just indescribable. So how am I? I just don't know.
On Tuesday, it will be 3 months since my DH gained his wings. I think I miss him more as the days pass. Mornings and night are the hardest for me. I used to refer to those times as "the odds-and-ends" of my day. When everyone else was sleeping and I had the quiet house to myself. Time to think. Now, the house is empty and all I think about at those times is how I miss him and what ALS stole from us.
ALS stole from us financially - well into the 6 figures. But that doesn't matter. As I still am working on settling all the financial and legal matters out, we were comfortable. But the cruelest thing it stole was time. TIme to be "US" again. We had both worked hard and saved. The kids were growing up and would soon be off on their own to college or working. We were starting to talk about when we would retire. Relax. Reconnect. Then came the monster.
First, time was spent chasing a diagnosis. "You have a unique case", the doctors would say. Then, time was spent trying to eliminate all other possibilities. Once the other things were ruled out, it became that slow, downhill roll. At times it picked up or slowed down, but never stopped. Until the end.
Now, I have time. But it's so empty. I know he wouldn't want me to waste the life I have, but I don't know what to do or who I even am anymore. I question so many things I did or didn't do.
Friends and family have been great on checking in on me, but I still have this loneliness that is just indescribable. So how am I? I just don't know.