Help for depressed ALS patient

[Atsugi]

As usual, brooksea is right. Call APS.
(Why didn't I think of that?)

 

[TomsSIL]

Until this whole inheritance issue is cleared up, which may take until December, we have to watch our step. We absolutely do not want Ken to take any of our land. What happened is this: When my MIL married Ken, she had her will rewritten so that the 541 acres we live on was to be left to Tom and Jim (my hubby) only. Her husband wasn't supposed to have anything to do with it. However, when she died, we found out that as her husband, he has "marital interest" and can legally have one third of the property. Until the property is in our names, and the deed is filed with the courthouse, we have to be careful. Ken has a son who is a giant jerk, who would take advantage of anyone for anything. We definitely don't want him involved.

Ken and Tom's mom were married for only 7 years. There was some serious buyer's remorse on her part, but she married him for better or for worse and stuck by that. When she got sick last summer, Ken was rather complacent. When she had her stroke, I knew she was having a stroke, and he said, "Well, I have a call in at the doctor's office. I'll just wait for them to call back." I told him that she needed to go to the hospital NOW, not to wait. They finally did, but things could have been better if he hadn't been so clueless.

I think he has some dementia going on. I don't know if I should call the Office of the Aging or whatever to check on him. That might really tick his kid off and make him come after us. We have enough stress as it is without him breathing down our necks. As I said, until this property issue is sealed, I feel like we are stuck.

 

[brooksea]

OK. I'm not going to say what I really want to. But, I will ask you instead if you have sought legal council. In our state, certain terminally ill patients can consult a volunteer group of attorneys pro bono. ALS was included in our state and we have consulted once in the past. You could pretend you are taking your brother to a park or something and instead go to the attorney's office.

Your BIL WILL be starved to death if you do not resolve this. That seems clear, unless he has a full time caregiver and that was unclear to me in your original post, as to whether y'all were able to do that yourselves. At the very least, a nurse or patient rep that works with the ALSA should come out to help advise you about getting the benefits he apparently qualifies for. I don't know if you've gone that route yet, but it is worth a try. She may also be able to advise you how to better manipulate "Ken" into doing the right thing for his stepson. Usually these reps have seen it all.

 

[TomsSIL]

I have been in contact with a rep from ALSA, and she has been really helpful so far. I think I need to call her again and see if she has a list of lawyers who do this sort of work. Our lawyer thinks it's best to wait for the property issue to be settled.

We are Tom's full-time caregivers. I have five kids, four of whom are old enough to help. The dutifully and lovingly take Tom his meals every day. They make sure he has his Jevity and a clean tube. Tom can still do his tube feedings by himself. I make sure he gets his Rilutek in the morning, and he gets it by himself in the afternoon. He has seven very dedicated people looking out for him every day. Ken is the only wild card.