- Feb 14, 2017
- Lost a loved one
I also agree that what we went through was way more complicated and requires a different level of grief. One item in particular that pulls at me is that fact of losing the "spouse" mode to "caregiver mode". It's almost like we didn't get or at least I didn't get that spousal goodbye. I think sometimes that is what hurts the most. Just talking about it make me tear up.
You've put into words my biggest regret. I look back and wish that I had been able to turn off "caregiver mode" and stay in "spouse mode" more often.
People often remark what a good job I did taking care of Jim. I always say thank you, but secretly wonder if he needed me more as wife vs. caregiver. But how do you unwind the two?
I'm smack in the middle of year 2. One thing he made me promise him was that I'd be OK when he was gone. I'm trying, but still feel so unsettled. Like I'm just existing. COVID definitely has not helped. I'm hoping the light at the end of the tunnel is coming soon.
(Yes, today is the first time I've used our names. I was always afraid if I did before, he may have stumbled across one of my bad-day rants and figured out it was me.)