Handling family input

ARCG

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How do you all handle managing family input in caring for your pals when it conflicts with your pals wishes. Some of our family are concerned that my pals decisions about end of life care are negatively impacting my health and don’t agree with them.

I appreciate the concern, however, I am going to honor my pals wishes. Has anyone else run into this? My family is loving and supportive and I know their intentions are well meaning but unless you are in this pals/cals relationship, I don’t think you can understand.
 

lgelb

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We handled it a little differently -- by not telling anyone anything about end of life plans. The last week of his life, my husband chose whom he wanted to say goodbye to, but in those chats, he didn't actually tell anyone goodbye. I called/emailed afterwards.

No, they can't understand. If anyone had said anything, I would probably have said, "I understand that you can't understand." Then I would have talked about the weather. In your case, maybe it's something like, "I appreciate your love and support but this is between [name] and I."

As for your health, that's yours to manage as well. We live with what we did and didn't do for our PALS, not for ourselves, over those years.

Best,
Laurie
 

affected

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I think everyone seems to have different places they would 'draw the line' and don't always realise how personal a decision this is. I know what I feel, but wouldn't tell someone else they should draw it where I would. Yet as PALS and CALS we find people seem to think they should weigh in on this - whether they would draw it closer or further away.

It is hard to say it, but you do need to thank them for caring and then say it really is your decision together and you don't wish to discuss it in detail. It's easy to offer some words in text, but it's often a matter of finding the right ones suddenly in a situation I know.
 

ARCG

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Thank you for your input, you are both right, of course.

Annie
 
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