Guilt is visiting

[marya]

I've been sidetracked by Lynn Kurland time travel books but I've heard so much about the Outlander series I'm going to download one the first of the series to my kindle and start on it tomorrow.... I'll time travel out of any guilt I might have had....

 

[sanderson]

you sure will, right back into Scotland, before Colloden...enjoy!

 

[Twinsmom]

I also highly recomend the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon!
Hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend
Susan

I think we should read the series again this summer and do a "virtual book club"...
I'll post in the book thread!
Sorry, Mary for highjacking your thread!
Love you!

 

[marya]

hijack away! I think it's all about the evolution of the thread anyway - plus it is definitely the best way to alleviate any guilt.
I'm all for the virtual book club.

 

[sanderson]

sorry, but where can I find the book thread? I have looked but I am not seeing it, but maybe I am just not looking ion the right direction?
Susan

 

[lisaann1170]

I think I'm going to take some quotes from this thread and turn them into signs to hang around my house. I helped take care of Dad for nine months before he passed and I'm swimming in guilt. I wish I could have done more for him. At the same time, I missed things in my son's life and my ability to function well at work slid in the ditch. And, I felt responsible for Mom's well-being (and do so even more now that Dad has passed). I don't have a fix and have no words of wisdom, but I know well that guilt and stress can make YOU sick. Others told me to take care of myself and I felt selfish and guilty taking time out for me. Now I feel like I'm in a position where I need to take care of myself or I will need a caregiver!

 

[indigosd]

whew! I spent a long time trying to find this thread so here it is!
https://www.alsforums.com/forum/stories-hope/9293-book-recommendations.html

Lisa, I sent you a visitor message :] Come visit with us and you will feel better! xo

 

[marya]

Lisa, it's always hard to feel that you "didn't do enough". With this disease there may not ever be enough. It is relentless. But you did what you could and cared so much for your father and other family members.... please try to let go of the guilt and focus on healing you again. Mary

 

[irismarie]

Lisa, dtance. PErhaps you could be nearer the truth than you think.
I tell you one practical way of helping if you have the time.....give a little of yourself to someone else who needs help, someone at a further emotional distance. Perhaps, if there is a school ofr handicapped or something like that enywhere near you, you could offer a little of your experience and a lot of your love from time to time. Looking outwards to where you are needed is ALWAYS the best cure for any personal problem And you will soon find peace again, I promise you..........Beating yourself up is a pointless and unfruitful exercise.. Use the energy is benevolence.
Lots and lots of love

 

[marya]

That's good advice, Irismarie. And it's amazing how those actions return as blessing to you eventually.

 

[pepsiman]

My kids, for all practical purposes, raised themselves last year. I felt guilt at the time, but now I've got kids that have some amazing skills and can be trusted.

I've also found that reaching outside of myself helps. Focusing on others allows me to stop focusing on my negative feelings, grief, guilt, etc. I do have to work at it though, by nature I turn inwards all too often.

 

[handinhand]

Mary, don't feel one bit guilty.. You should try and work as long as you possibly can.. That is what will keep you sane...rich is retired and has found a job that he loves..a cool cowBoy store.. He keeps asking me if he should quit and stay home with me? What in the world would I do with him hovering over me all day.. No way, work until I Can no longer drag myself to my puter we need our cals to be sane and strong...do what ever it takes! Hugs, Lin

 

[marya]

Thanks Lin - I think Marty feels the same way. The other day he said that I've always nagged him and he doesn't mind and has often appreciated it - there's always a "however" - and then he said , however, having me nag him and hover over him are mutually exclusive, so I had to pick one. As he knew I would - I picked nagging - why give that up after 17 years? So, I'm not supposed to hover.... but I told him I tricked him - I have Cathy our part time caregiver who promised me she would hover in my stead. He just about cracked up - then said he was the patient and Cathy had to do what he said - not what I said ---so there ya go - he got me there.

 

[Just J]

Mary, my work/life balance seems to mirror yours. I plan to continue working as long as practically possible because even after a normal weekend I need a break by going to work. Now we have a long weekend coming up. I'm sure I'll be glad to get back to work. Trouble is once at work I am not 100% focused. I suddenly feel like I have adult ADD, is that from juggling too many balls (both personal and professional)? I have task lists on top of task lists and I'm overwhelmed. I have resolved to "I can only do so much." I am finally ok not being superwoman.

 

[marya]

Judie, I think we are on the same road here. I notice your husband was diagnosed April 2010 - mine was diagnosed April 27th, 2010. I feel the same way bout adult a.d.d. - I've never "misplaced" more stuff in my life. I have something in my hand and 5 minutes later I'm looking for it and don't know where I put it down or whatever. I think it's just that I have so much on my mind maybe. I'm taking care of my job (yeah, right), taking care of my email, FB and phone calls, taking care of his email, FB and phone calls. Having to deal with all his medical stuff, all the insurance stuff, all the family and friends who want to see him, hosting visiting times and small dinner parties. I'm meeting myself coming and going.