Guilt is Growing as Re-Marriage comes closer

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Staying strong

Active member
Joined
Nov 20, 2014
Messages
78
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
5/2011
Country
US
State
ct
City
danbury
Yes.. as my wedding day grows closer the guilt inside Me is becoming a Monster. Never in Million years did I think I would have ended up a " CALS" and never in a Billion years would I've of thought I would re-marry after such a Rollercoaster of 5 years living the ALS life. This is what Liz wanted for Me ( yes we spoke about it about 2 years into her battle) but knowing that doesn't change the Demons in My head telling me I'm a Horrible person for Having a new Life.
 
There is no betrayal in continuing your life.......it might even help crush the demons in time.

Don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy!!
 
Oh staying strong....it made me so sad to read your post. Having just lost my brother to the beast I can say with certainty that you deserve to move and and be happy. Being a caregiver for someone with ALS is such a tough and emotional ride that if you can find happiness after that then take it. You soooo deserve it. Do not feel guilty. As much as we miss our PALS life does indeed continue on.

It was nice to see a post from you bigmark. Seems I haven't seen much of you lately but then again I skipped coming here for several weeks after my brother passed away.
 
Do you talk deeply with your fiance about all these feelings of guilt?

Why are you getting married? Is there any reason you can't just live together and enjoy that as it seems you are pushing yourself while in such a conflict. Can you just relax and be with this person without all this pressure?
 
My Fiancé is well aware and understanding about my feelings.. You've left me feeling a bit judged.. first time ever have I gotten that feeling here.. goodbye All.. Not a safe place to share for Me anymore. My Therapist warned Me that I would encounter people that would question my choices. Didn't expect it here. Once again thanks to Everyone that listened and helped the last 6 years. All things good and bad sometimes must come to an end.
 
Strong, no one is judging. People are just offering suggestions that they think might help with your stress
 
Dear Strong,

My heart goes out to you after reading this post. I then read through some of your previous posts on this sub forum. There is no question how much you loved Liz and that you were an outstanding CALS. You still love Liz. You’re still grieving. It’s ok. You need to feel what you feel. No one is judging — just trying to help and provide emotional support. I’m glad Liz gave you her blessing to embrace new love if it came your way in the future. It’s a great gift she gave you. I would want the same for my CALS.
 
If I remember the vow you took was till death do you part. You have fulfilled your obligation. I feel bad enough dragging my wife through the living hell that is ALS. To think she would be alone the rest of her life after is equally depressing. We have had a strong marriage, we lean on each other. I would hope she can find someone to love after me.
Vincent
 
Thank you All for the support. And a special thanks to "Tillie" for the private message. I'd like to publicly apologize for typing before I really thought about what I was saying.. especially to someone that has been nothing but thoughtful and supportive all these years. Happy Friday to All.
 
If you have a chance browse through a blog called the difference of a day. The author, Bo stern, lost her husband to ALS a few years ago and speaks very eloquently about loving and continuing to love two men—the new man in her life and her late husband.
 
I think I can safely say that if the shoes were reversed and I had ALS, I would want nothing more for my husband than to find love again. Best wishes on your wedding and new life.
 
Hope you have a beautiful day of celebration, and happy, healthy lives together.

Best,
Laurie
 
I, too, wish you well. Let me add to that.

Guilt is the most useless emotion of all. Fear is useful for keeping one out of danger. Embarassment is useful for learning what not to do or say. But guilt--it eats you up and never helps anyone.

I suggest getting therapy for that guilt. You deserve a happy, guilt-free life.
 
As stated, you do not need to feel guilty about anything. If you had love before, you need to find it again. It's not disrespect. There are 4 tasks to mourning. 1 you need to acknowledge the loss, the funeral helps with this. 2 You need to work through the emotions, this takes time and events. 3 You need to reorganize your life without the person, seems disloyal but they aren't coming back. 4 You need to reinvest yourself in life. This doesn't happen in order or on a time table, it takes as long as it takes. It sounds like a lot of work, and it is and more. You will get through it. And always remember guilt is alcohol soluble. Enjoy your wedding and a new beginning!
Vincent
 
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