billygoatswife
New member
- Joined
- May 31, 2017
- Messages
- 4
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Country
- us
- State
- texas
- City
- tyler
I don't know where to turn. I have been grieving for 5 years now. The day my husband of 25 years was handed a death sentence with a diagnoses of bulbular onset als. My life has forever changed. I cannot function without medication. He passed away less that a year after diagnoses. It hurts just as bad as it did the day it happened, i can't understand, why us? My memory from 2012-2013 is so foggy. I was a widow at 47, he was only 54. We have 2 son's. They are my rock. I still have days that i have no control over my emotions and cry all day. It is less frequent. No one knows how truly bad by depression & anxiety are. I hide it as much as i can. Some days it just hits me like a ton of rocks where ever i am. Everyone tells me how strong i am. They don't see me falling apart behind closed doors. Am i crazy does anyone else have this hard of time after this length of time. Its like, no one can truly understand your pain. I don't any widows at my age. I have recently thought about therapy. But to me its like continually re-living the most tragic event in my life over and over. I still carry so much pain & i hurt for my kids. So much that their dad won't be here to share. Seems like my life has totally turned upsided down & the downward spiral is never ending. Please, i am open for advice for healing. I pray to god everyday to release the pain. I am so tired of hurting & hiding my emotions.