Great truths that little children have learned:

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bkite

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Here a dose of humor for today.

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
 

ShiftKicker

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All good common sense!

#3 was one of the first things I taught my kid when he went to school. Sod's law dictates the kid who reciprocates is the one who'll get busted. Be smart and make sure no one is watching before you respond to the kid who starts it. It's totally fine to delay retribution till the perfect moment presents itself.
 

Clearwater AL

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When Mom said "NO!" there was still room for a little debate which often left it to all that all famous phrase, "Ask your father."

Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance but when Dad said "NO!"... it was decided. :-(
 

ShiftKicker

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Al, My husband and I had that worked out before our kid tried it on for the first time- the both of us are highly suspicious people apparently. Our standard response was "What did you mum/dad say?" Followed with "Are you sure? If I called mum/dad right now, what would they tell me?" He tried it twice and realized it wasn't worth his while. We may have screwed everything else up, parenting-wise, but this one we nailed.
 

Clearwater AL

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Mom's grip and her finger nails. Her left hand was like a mini alligator. When I was being marched into my room, or where ever I was being directed to... there was no getting free. :)

One time in church a man kneeling in the pew in front of us (we were sitting) farted... loud! I had my hand over my mouth not to laugh out loud, I was bouncing up and down trying to hold laughter inside, my legs were kicking out and then that left hand grabbed my leg, still couldn't stop laughing inside, the nails began to dig in.

About then the smell began to creep our way and a man sitting near us softly said, "Oh my God!", (really, a fitting place for that comment)... I lost it. That mini alligator went from leg to my shoulder and I was quickly directed to the vestibule where that left hand, and the other, became hand paddles used profusely about my head and shoulders. :)

Funny... I miss those nails.
 
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frankb

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Better than the Sunday Funnies ! !
 

Clearwater AL

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Frankb, we didn't go back into the church.... the ride home was a 20 minute lecture about self control and that sometimes people have problems they can't control. (Gee... I was having something like that too!)

The end of the story was that my older sister told me a few days later that when Mom told my Dad about it (Dad was not a church goer) and I was in my room, Dad began to chuckle. My sister told me even Mom cracked a smile. :)

Anywhooo... some may have seen this post as somewhat off color but if you notice under my bio after nearly 1000 posts I have only one little green square. :) I have never used a single cuss word, some didn't care for the way I used to challenge some new DIHALS and PLS posters, ask questions before snapping out the "Welcome Aboard!", maybe I'm too frank, maybe I get to the point too directly, for some too quickly. Whatever... I've let it go.

But, I have not cornered off colored... I think BigMark has that one! :)
 
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