Getting through the days

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KatieNBoyd

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I was looking back over the posts I had made a year ago. It seems like yesterday but at the same time it feels like forever.

Next month will be one year. I am doing better today than I was say about a month ago.

Weird things with family and friends continue to happen in particular with Jon’s ex wife. I saw her the other day. She asked me how I was doing. Well, I told her. I was pretty blunt as that day was just one of those awful days that I occasionally have and well she did ASK. She mentioned to me that she is getting married the end of December. (No big secret in a small town), I told her I had heard about that. She the said “well you know who is doing the ceremony?” Not knowing the answer I said “No who?” Her response “Larry”

Well, Larry is Jon’s oldest brother. Yep, The brother that thought it was stupid for me to throw Jon his un birthday party just after the diagnosis. He is the one who I tried to plan my daughter’s wedding and Jon’s memorial service around this summer so he could come but he and his wife ended up saying it was too expensive to fly out and he had other things going on.

I was aghast with no answer to come out of my mouth.

So moving on I had figured with everything I probably wouldn't hear from Larry about coming but I received an email that talked about his recent trip to the Galápagos Islands and machu picchu, and by the way he is flying in on Dec 28 but would be available on the 29 to maybe meet for lunch if I’d like to catch up with he and his wife before they drive on to do the ceremony.

ARE YOU KIDDING! My brain can barely wrap itself around this. I told him “No I had other plans that day”.

Good things happening…. I have gotten into Jon’s shop and cleaned it from top to bottom. Found lost tools, lots of wood (many spiders and webs covered with sawdust) I have begun to refinishing furniture and such. I am also using my camera for some amazing photos. (I think I have attached one of my pictures of a Hawk.)

Something has “clicked” last week. Some change has taken place that I can’t describe. I look at our photos together and I can feel my heart hurt. I am still a puzzle missing my perfect piece.

I had to attend a funeral for one of our daughter’s classmates he was 17 and had Batten’s syndrome. The minister for the family said this: “Once I had asked a man who’s 8 year old son had died, if you knew that you would have only had the 8 years would you have still wanted that child? The father replied Yes, because we all have a time limit on our lives sometimes we just don’t know when the end will come and other times we do but it makes each of those days that we have with them so much more special.”

Today I am remembering each of those days I had with Jon. The fun, the laughter, the special looks and touch. He had just gone on ahead of me as he most always did, whether it be hiking, opening the door or such. I will join him when it is my time. And what a joy that will be. In the mean time I am still here for a reason. I am doing my best to figure out what that reason is.

I could not have made it this far with out the support of this group.

Love you all Katie
 

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KarenNWendyn

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Love your insight and love the hawk picture.
 

Lkaibel

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I am sorry your brother in law is like that. Sad indeed.

I am also sorry ALS hit like a freight train for you. I see your late husband was Dx’d in late 2015 and you have been widowed a year already. That has to be so hard.

Honestly, I fear how I will handle it when I am in your shoes. Wishing you peace and strength.
 

Narrowminded

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Katie - Hugs. I'm happy to hear you have found a way to move forward. I pray I will be able to do the same someday. Much love to you.

Hugs,

sue
 

affected

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So good to hear from you Katie. I'm glad you said no to meeting up with Larry because you are strong enough to know when to just stop and walk away.

Many hugs as you move through the ending of this first year, we are always here xx
 

soonerwife

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Hugs Katie! I am glad you have found some things you can enjoy like the beautiful you shared. Thank you so much for privately reaching out to me when I needed someone the most. FTD is the hardest thing I have encountered thus far and you taking your time and letting me vent meant so much!

I hope someday we can meet and talk about how things get better after some time has passed! I hope things continue to improve for you! You deserve it!
 

Larrytbm

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Katie,

Thank you for taking the time to share some of the good and the bad times. My wife was just diagnosed in May and it is thru such sharing that I and others can better deal with similar difficult times that we will face. Your photo is super. Your strength is very clear and I wish you the very best.
 

scaredwifetx

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Wow..Katie, I am so glad I logged in today and was able to read your post. I am so happy to read that you are moving forward. I am sure it takes time to recover from the ordeal. I often wonder how you are doing. Take care my friend and best of wishes for a better future in fact a wonderful future.
 

adrivtham

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Hi Katie,
Thank You for posting and sharing your journey.
I still cry a lot and haven't accomplished much I feel the emptiness swallowing me.
Hugs,
Adriana
 
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