mrstadpole
Member
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2007
- Messages
- 28
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Country
- US
- State
- California
- City
- Cathderal City
Hi all,
It has been a couple of months since my last post or even a "hi, how you doin'?" and I apologize for that. Since my dad moved in 2 months ago there hasn't been much time for anything other than him... which I knew would be the case, so no problem there. The reason for my post today is that I am amazed at the fact that I was able to step up to the plate and handle the physical aspects of taking care of him.. like, the bathing and cleaning up after he uses the restroom. What is breaking me down is his negativity and what I am almost tempted to call verbal abuse. I don't know if I can take that much longer. He is so defiant and has no respect for the rules we have in our home or the simple fact that we are trying to help him. He breaks promises that he makes (like quitting smoking) and then tells me that he is dying anyway so what is the big deal? He won't bathe on a regular basis, leaves his trash everywhere he wants to and thinks it's no big deal. His feet are a horrible shade of purple and he will refuse to elevate them. I have gone to bed crying more nights than I care to admit because I am so frustrated. When we talk about things he gets extremely mad, yells at me (as best he can, since the disease has taken his speach) and will just drive off in that damn chair of his. Since he is my dad, it's harder for me to stand up to him and I often feel just like telling him off. Last night I was explaining that I was really upset that he lied to me and bought another pack of cigarettes... after he had been pretending that he hadn't smoked in 5 days and was singing his praises. He began to tell me that he is living his live for himself and no one else and I then had to remind him that isn't fair since he has his grandkids living in the same house as him and if there are things that he can prohibit them from seeing then he should do so.. like choking to death because his smoking is causing him great problems. He had the nerve to tell me "then I guess I shouldn't be here". With than comment, I couldn't help but ask myself what in the heck I've been working so hard for if he really doesn't care about living or dying. It's little comments like that or when he tells me to just wait until the money comes in from the county for taking care of him.. because that's the only way he can contribute to his family. Um, heeeellllooooo? He's not here for the check.. he's here because we love him and want to be with him. What part of that doesn't he get? He's been here for 2 months and I haven't received a red cent for taking care of him.. but I'm flat broke now.. he'll never know that, though.. he doesn't need to worry about me. I'm sorry to vent, guys.. but I know that you all are the only ones who truly get what is going on.. with him and with me. Does anyone have any suggestions about getting through to him or at least how I can deal with my frustrations? I am really beginning to think he isn't in the best place.. that maybe he does need to be in a home where people aren't partial.. where they aren't related to him.. and it really is just a job.. maybe I am too emotionally attached?!? :-?
It has been a couple of months since my last post or even a "hi, how you doin'?" and I apologize for that. Since my dad moved in 2 months ago there hasn't been much time for anything other than him... which I knew would be the case, so no problem there. The reason for my post today is that I am amazed at the fact that I was able to step up to the plate and handle the physical aspects of taking care of him.. like, the bathing and cleaning up after he uses the restroom. What is breaking me down is his negativity and what I am almost tempted to call verbal abuse. I don't know if I can take that much longer. He is so defiant and has no respect for the rules we have in our home or the simple fact that we are trying to help him. He breaks promises that he makes (like quitting smoking) and then tells me that he is dying anyway so what is the big deal? He won't bathe on a regular basis, leaves his trash everywhere he wants to and thinks it's no big deal. His feet are a horrible shade of purple and he will refuse to elevate them. I have gone to bed crying more nights than I care to admit because I am so frustrated. When we talk about things he gets extremely mad, yells at me (as best he can, since the disease has taken his speach) and will just drive off in that damn chair of his. Since he is my dad, it's harder for me to stand up to him and I often feel just like telling him off. Last night I was explaining that I was really upset that he lied to me and bought another pack of cigarettes... after he had been pretending that he hadn't smoked in 5 days and was singing his praises. He began to tell me that he is living his live for himself and no one else and I then had to remind him that isn't fair since he has his grandkids living in the same house as him and if there are things that he can prohibit them from seeing then he should do so.. like choking to death because his smoking is causing him great problems. He had the nerve to tell me "then I guess I shouldn't be here". With than comment, I couldn't help but ask myself what in the heck I've been working so hard for if he really doesn't care about living or dying. It's little comments like that or when he tells me to just wait until the money comes in from the county for taking care of him.. because that's the only way he can contribute to his family. Um, heeeellllooooo? He's not here for the check.. he's here because we love him and want to be with him. What part of that doesn't he get? He's been here for 2 months and I haven't received a red cent for taking care of him.. but I'm flat broke now.. he'll never know that, though.. he doesn't need to worry about me. I'm sorry to vent, guys.. but I know that you all are the only ones who truly get what is going on.. with him and with me. Does anyone have any suggestions about getting through to him or at least how I can deal with my frustrations? I am really beginning to think he isn't in the best place.. that maybe he does need to be in a home where people aren't partial.. where they aren't related to him.. and it really is just a job.. maybe I am too emotionally attached?!? :-?