- Joined
- May 9, 2016
- Messages
- 1,529
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 06/2016
- Country
- US
- State
- MN
- City
- Minneapolis
I am crabby tonight. My husband is in pretty decent shape. A year out from diagnosis, he still walks with a can and can drive. I think that a walker and no more driving are coming up, I am encouraging these things now gently. Still we are I know fortunate. At a time when some PALS have already passed on or are much much more disabled, mine can still handle most ADL's.
My gripe tonight is friends who try to make it seem as if they want to get together, but really don't. A long term friend tonight had made plans with me, but when I texted her that I was looking forward to tonight, I found out she was going through squeeze me in before she saw someone else. Her excuse was that she "totally forgot" she was suppose to be cooking for her for some gathering. Then she tells me this person is getting divorced and having back surgery. My friend gets together with this person all the time, she does not work and is on disability. I am leaving town Wednesday and am off work until next Tuesday. Truth to me is she did not "forget" anything- she doesn't honestly want to see me particularly one on one but she wants to play off like she wants to see me. It makes her feel better about herself as a friend.
I think kind of the same goes for another friend who texted me that she was thinking of us and wanted to get together- then again found no time whatsoever during my vacation or even in the next few weeks to do so.
Dang it anyway, it's not as if I sit with my head in my hands announcing that my husband is terminal and sobbing. People literally fear the reality of what I face, what we face even as we throw it on the back burner for their benefit and just to get away a little fro. Our own stuff.
I also understand that getting divorced and having back surgery sucks, but did I really just hear a woman I have known for over a decade tell me how much this other friend is suffering and needs her? I am going to go ahead and be an incredibly selfish fill in the blank and say yes that does all stink, but at least no one is going to die behind it. At least she will be single by choice.
I am doing all this stuff I did not have to do before as Brian gets weaker, I work 50 hours a week, and sometimes I get to feeling so alone. We have a couple friends who have not been afraid of us, and wouldn't you know they were not the ones we would have described before as close. The close ones, with few exceptions have been the avoiders.
I know, I need to quit with the self pity and the anger. Tonight is just hard.
My gripe tonight is friends who try to make it seem as if they want to get together, but really don't. A long term friend tonight had made plans with me, but when I texted her that I was looking forward to tonight, I found out she was going through squeeze me in before she saw someone else. Her excuse was that she "totally forgot" she was suppose to be cooking for her for some gathering. Then she tells me this person is getting divorced and having back surgery. My friend gets together with this person all the time, she does not work and is on disability. I am leaving town Wednesday and am off work until next Tuesday. Truth to me is she did not "forget" anything- she doesn't honestly want to see me particularly one on one but she wants to play off like she wants to see me. It makes her feel better about herself as a friend.
I think kind of the same goes for another friend who texted me that she was thinking of us and wanted to get together- then again found no time whatsoever during my vacation or even in the next few weeks to do so.
Dang it anyway, it's not as if I sit with my head in my hands announcing that my husband is terminal and sobbing. People literally fear the reality of what I face, what we face even as we throw it on the back burner for their benefit and just to get away a little fro. Our own stuff.
I also understand that getting divorced and having back surgery sucks, but did I really just hear a woman I have known for over a decade tell me how much this other friend is suffering and needs her? I am going to go ahead and be an incredibly selfish fill in the blank and say yes that does all stink, but at least no one is going to die behind it. At least she will be single by choice.
I am doing all this stuff I did not have to do before as Brian gets weaker, I work 50 hours a week, and sometimes I get to feeling so alone. We have a couple friends who have not been afraid of us, and wouldn't you know they were not the ones we would have described before as close. The close ones, with few exceptions have been the avoiders.
I know, I need to quit with the self pity and the anger. Tonight is just hard.