Forum Follies Break the Wind

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irismarie

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Laughing out loud here - at five am. Must be a first!
Annie I just LOVE honahd; weeping with laughter here
Youa re all wonderful

I just wundah what starlett can be up to for FOUR HOURS, how many 20 minutes is that?
 

BarryG

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As Charlie and Starlett were now husband and wife (just like in the movie we kinda skipped over that detail) one would think that they be paying at least a little bit of attention to each other but no. Despite Charlie's honah and sugah he was still more interested in making loot than love and Starlett, well, her carnal ambitions seemed to involve absolutely everyone but him.

Frett, still riding Charlie's horse, made his way back to see if he could find out what was going on. As he passed an army camp he noticed soldiers furiously polishing their cannons while they watched a very well built woman have thin cucumber sandwiches and tea with the commanding officer, a major. But that wasn't just any woman, it was Starlett!

He turned his horse past the sentry and made his way to the tent and dismounted. He handed the reigns to a guard and said "Look after her for me son, and watch out, she likes cake".

He walked over to the table where Starlett and the major were seated and recognized as Phineas Zachariah Kennedy, a former Clayton County businessman who everyone knew was sweet on SueHelpful. "My, my, isn't this just the coziest sight, Starlett O'Plenty and PZ Kennedy, obviously plotting and scheming! Have you no care for your reputation at all madam? Oh no, I forgot, with enough courage you can do without a reputation" Frett said as he interrupted their lunch.

"Great balls of fire, it's Frett" cried Starlet as she leaped to her feet causing her ample bosom to heave which, in turn, cause a loud AAAAHHHHH from the cannon polishers. "Excuse me major, we'll have to continue this conversation later as I really have to get back to Twitcha and I'm afraid that my continued presence here is more than your company laundry can handle!"

With that she accompanied Frett out of the camp.
 

peter57

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Directors note:::

irismarie,
Travelling time will eat up at least 3 hours, horses are slow.
That leaves 1 hour, 3, 20 min blocks for her to do almost any thing :wink: :wink: at the army camp.

Now back to the story
 
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irismarie

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Don't stop; cried Iris
 

abbas child

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Packing had been accomplished at Twitcha (and my deah, Starlett did have a lot of boxes. There were at least fifteen just for her hats!), Melly returned to Twelve Tokes and packed for herself, still not sure if or where they were to go.

Paisley popped in from time to time, in between his gunrunning and soldierly duties. He and Charlie had finished a little talk about whayah the women would be out of the way of their schemes, and Paisley suggested they pack them off to Atlanta, sixty miles from the coast... and the activities aboard ships.

"Melly, I want you to go with Starlett to Atlanta and stay with your Aunt Pittypat. I'll visit You'uns when I'm able, deah." Melly recognized the wisdom of staying far away from the war, and had word sent to Starlett. Now, at Twicha, there was a young woman named Prissy. She may be remembered as the girl fanning the napping belles on the day of the great Nap... or the day of the barbecue. Prissy was to accompany Starlett and "do for her" in Atlanta and was just delighted, saying repeatedly, Yessum, I'll go and I'll do all for the Misses, yessum, ya'll can count on Prissy. She was lying through her teeth... which we might see later. Mammy, the wise house keeper and the one woman who had some control over Starlett, just muttered, "that Paisley Silkes gonna get hisself chased again. Ummm Ummmm, that chil' Starlett goins to ruin everthing ifin she's in Atlana." Starlett's mother believed no such thing, not knowing her daughter well at all, and helped Starlett out the door and into the covered buggy with two stories of boxes roped on top (mostly carrying hats).
 

BarryG

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At the coast, Charlie and Paisley were overseeing the unloading of the guns and ammunition from one of the ships.

"I've heard that some Yankee spies have been asking questions about you" said Paisley as a case marked "Wooden Legs - Springfield Model 1861" swung over their heads. Charles pondered what Paisley had said as he looked at a stack of crates marked "Marital Aids - produced with pride by Colt, Satisfaction or your money back".

"I have an idea" said Charles. Paisley was always a little worried when Charles had ideas so he said reluctantly "I'm listening"

"How about if I were to die? Not really die of course, but what if everyone thought that I had died, wouldn't that make it easier for both of us to do what we need to do and keep the Yankees of our backs?"

"It surely would do that, but what about Starlett? Aren't you a newlywed husband?" asked Paisley. "Well you know that is not a problem because both of us have mre important things on our minds than our marriage. And bedsides, it is really you that Starlett has always wanted so I doubt whether she will even notice" relpied Charles.

"Ok, so how will you arrange it?" asked Paisley, wondering if his friend and business partner could really pull it off.

"I was thinking of an explosion of some bad ammunition, we could get some poor stiff to wear my clothes and then we blow him up and pretend that is is me. No one would know the difference and I could disappear to Europe or Mexico or even to the North to arrange for more shipments"

"Lets do it" said Paisley although he did have reservations about how he would deal with Starlett as a merry widow. They went looking for an unlucky helper.
 
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abbas child

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Barry, you must have been reading my mind! Now, to keep Charlie alive and still have Starlett and Frett end up in the land of non-bliss. And along the same general line, did you have a typo four paragraphs up from the end, "And bedsides,? Or was that an intentional Freudian Nightshirt? ;-) Hmmm, perhaps checking on your readers. Such a Frett thang to do.
 

BarryG

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Bedsides was totally, completely and absolutely unintentional but it kinda works anyway don't it? I usually do a re-read before I post but missed that one.

BTW, Ah luv yo dialect, I need to go back to Southern 101 for some tutorin!
 

peter57

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With the guns and ammo successfully stored in the warehouse along with other supplies like spam and bully beef, Charlie and Paisley set about planning the deception.

Entering a seedy dock side tavern, they ordered a shot of rum each. Grimacing as it burnt its way down, they scanned the room, looking for likely “candidates” to be blown up. Finally after weighing up all the possibilities, they settled on a drunk, leaning on the wall who, surprisingly looked a bit like Charlie.

Heading over with a half of rum they offered him a drink if he would go outside with them. Now outside they gave him a drink and because they had some spare clothes, wondered if he would like them. Too right he mumbled, never one to knock back any thing.

He got changed into Charlie’s clothes and Paisley remarked he will do.

Giving him the rest of the rum, he sculled it down and promptly passed out.

Picking him up, they put him in the carriage and headed to the old warehouse that they had set up with some gun powder, old ammo and some faulty, rusty rifles that had become so on the boat due to salt water getting in a couple of crates.

After putting some of his papers, his wedding ring and fob watch on the still passed out drunk, they discussed how they were going to kill him. Nether of them had thought about this part of the plan and nether were keen to do it in cold blood just like that. They were in a bind.

Just then he woke up and staggered to his feet. Lurching towards the door he failed to see the hole in the floor, fell partly down it and hit his head on a blacksmiths anvil, killing him instantly.

Hearing the commotion behind them they spun around just in time to see him fall down. Going over they discovered that he was dead.

All that was left now was to run the gunpowder trail from the kegs to him and light it and get the “heck out of Dodge”.

When they rounded the corner they heard a loud explosion, turning around they saw the place go up in flames.

Now all they had to do was find somewhere Charlie could “vanish to”.

Frett, meanwhile was left at the estate, alone except for Winton and one house boy, which suited him nicely as he had plans to make.
 
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rose

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[aside] Barry, how did you know that black is Starlett's best color?

*******

While the privileged genteel folk making up the bulk of this story carried on with their secret plans, they were too wrapped up in how to carry out their schemes to notice much else outside their little world.

Winton, the one armed gardener, too had an agenda. His first cousin (on his mother's side) had been successfully growing hemp over in Missouri since '37. In the latest letter from Murray, he learned that in addition to hemp's other uses, Missouri had been using it to build temporary fortifications called breastworks, during battle. Missouri even used it for this purpose in their ongoing war with Kansas. Murray had furtively tried to do his own part in the war, (he sided with Kansas) as he fervently wished to see an end to slavery. Therefore, he had participated in clandestine hemp field burnings. He always felt so good about this! After a good night's burn, he was just so mellow! He'd written about this to Winton, as Winton had shared with him how the high spirited Miss Starlett & Co could be. One thing was for certain, the folks at Twitcha and Twelve Tokes could certainly use some mellowing out. Winton mulled this over. He'd witnessed Mel's twitching, and what ensued in the aftermath a good twitch session..... And, she wasn't the only one. Twitcha was rife with undulations and twitching. Maybe, crazy as it sounded, the smoke from hemp would settle all of this down for them? If only he could find a way to buy enough hemp seed to start his own hemp farm, why, he could perhaps have enough money from the sales of his crop to buy a prosthetic arm ( if they existed back then?) ... how to get enough money... ? funny thing about being part of "The Help" ... no one took much notice that he was around. Winton not only saw things, but he heard things....
 

abbas child

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Starlett and Mel hurried to the Post office in Atlanta to look at the new listing of casualties. The list was long and alphabetical. Mel saw Charles Hooligan listed before Starlett, because Starlett had skipped over her husband's name and simply went to the "S--es".

"Oh, Dahing Starlett, I am so verah, verah sorra for you'ins" said Melly with tears running down her face. Starlett ignored her. Ahh, no "Silkes" listed.

"And, why ah you sorra?" she asked happily. As Melly pointed to Starlett's "Charlie" in the list of dead soldiers, Starlett bit her lip. "Oh, Phooey, I have to weah black like an ol crow. I look terrible in black. Well, lets us do some shoppin, Melly, and we'll try the hat stoah first. I suppose I have to weah black, but underneath, my shimmy and petticoat ah gonna be red." Melly looked at her.

"Starlett, my dahling Starlett, I am so verah sorra. We mustn't stay heah any longah as the othas need to see the lists. Come, Deah."

And when they were in the Millinery Store (that's a hat shop), Starlett found a beautiful red hat and took it to the counter. Then Melly smiled sadly, shook her head and said, "Deah Haht, you must be brave. You ahh strong, find a black hat."

After much nonsense and pitiful whining, the two made it home without any package. The new clothes were delivered later that afternoon. Starlett now had to wear her black (with red underneath for fun).
 

tomby

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...and cousin Murray woke up after one raid and said to his friends, " I had the strangest dream, and you were there, and you, and you, and even you, and parts of it were nice and parts were not so nice, and I kept thinking the whole time that I just want to get home to Kansas. And now my head hurts, but I'm really hungry. Anybody got any chips?" (if they had them back then)...
 

peter57

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Charlie, having seen his name on the list of casualties and his beard had grown enough to disguise him, worked on his import business with vigour.

Paisley had taken off to Atlanta on the pretext of sourcing some horses but mainly to see his wife, Mell.

Back at Twitcher, Frett was at a loss to find a money spinning scheme that he could do, so he spent all of the day sitting on the porch, drinking bourbon and watching Wilton doing the garden.

What would it be, to be like that, he thought. Not a care in the world, 2 square meals a day, a roof over his head, he has to share with the house boy, the one roomed shed but it did have a door though. Speaking of the house boy, bring me another bourbon and don’t spill any or you will feel the bite of the strap, he shouted.

Wilton took all this in while tending to the roses in the front yard. One day he thought, one day I will have enough money to get my arm and perhaps even move away from here.
He turned around and started to sing as he walked slowly back to the barn.

Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming for to carry me home..

I looked over Jordan and what did I see
Coming for to carry me home
A band of angels coming after me
Coming for to carry me home

If you get there before I do
Coming for to carry me home
Tell all my friends I'm coming to
Coming for to carry me home.

He knew this irritated Flett, so he only sung softly, but loud enough for him to hear though, until he was around the corner.

In Atlanta, Starlett had worn black for two days and decided that It was time to move on, so that morning she put on her best red dress and said to Melly, we are going shopping and bounced out the door.

Melly followed, shaking her head at Starletts actions.
 

brooksea

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Y'all are killin me! Margie would be proud!? (he only sung softly - GREAT)

"Atlanta native Margaret Mitchell’s 1936 novel, Gone With the Wind, occupies an important place in American literature. After breaking publishing records with one million copies sold within six months, the novel was awarded the Pulitzer Prize, has been translated into over forty languages, and remains one of the best-selling novels of all time."
 

BarryG

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Frett had decided that he had had enough of sitting on the veranda sipping bourbon and listening to that damn song. Wilton had successfully planted an ear worm in Frett and only a hard ride on a fast horse would clear it out.

As he galloped out of the gate Wilton looked at him and muttered to himself "Good riddance to bad rubbish" but he knew that like the other bane of his existence, Starlett, Frett would be back soon.

Starlett and Melly were busy power shopping even though Starlett knew that she didn't have the money to spend until Charlie's life insurance paid off. "Ah just luv ma Confederate Express card!" cried Starlett as she tried on one outfit after another.

Melancholy Ann felt decidedly dowdy in her plain dress and white bonnet but unlike Starlett, she was willing to sacrifice for the South. Her Paisley was still alive and he loved her and she had just discovered that she was going to have his baby. At least she was pretty sure that she was going to have his baby, after the SueHelpful episode she wasn't completely sure of anything. "That looks lovely dear" she said to Starlett as her mind was elsewhere.
 
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