Forum Follies Break the Wind

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CAHPAH

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Frett had plans of his own. He knew there was money in secrets and war so he know there was even more money in war secrets and he had an idea that the map Paisley had hidden was a war secret worth trying to get ahold of.

With all their talk of cannons, Frett knew that it doesn't matter how big your cannon is if you don't have the balls to load them. He also knew that the south was in desprite need of ammunition and he had a sneeky idea that the map Paisley was garding so close was the key to locating a secret Union ammunition dump. Frett figured if he could get ahold of all that ammo it would be worth a fortune. But how to get it, thta was the question. Then an idea came to him.....
 

brooksea

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Mammy was screaming, "Woe! We cain't have no woe!" She was wondering what she would do with her "cure" she'd put up. (that means she canned stuff in jars by a laborious process of blanching ingredients and boiling precious glass jars...blah, blah, blah)

Starlett came to calm Mammy. "Don't you worry none, now Mammy. We will find a way tomorrow to figuh all this out. Ah will fight foh our cure til the end!"
 

peter57

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Charlie had made it back to the library undetected and found the map he wanted was missing, Paisley the old dog had grabbed it. On his way back to the smoking room, he heard that war was declared.

Mmmm he thought this might put a dampener on my plans, we will have to see what eventuates.

When he entered the room, Frett came up to him and said quietly, did you know that map you were looking at, you know the one in the library, well I think Paisley has it and with war declared it might be a valuable map for both of us if you get my drift old boy.
Charlie thought, why would a map of the harbor of Brunswick and surrounds be an interest to Frett, but would go along with him to find out just what he was up too.

Whats the plan Frett, well tonight it’s the ball, if you and me were to stay back a bit we can search for the map when he takes Scarlett to the ball, then I have 2 fast horses we can catch them up and none will be the wiser.

Sounds like a plan said Charlie, lets start to get the horses ready for the ride later.
 

BarryG

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As they groomed and saddled the horses Frett was running through his geographic knowledge trying to figure out which Brunswick that the missing map might refer to. He knew, because he was a travelled man, that the name Brunswick was common in geography appearing on the maps of England, the United States, Australia and there was even a new one in Canada. So which one was it? Much depended on it and he was determined to get Charlie to tell him before he wasted much more time on the pursuit of Paisley.

In the stable Frett noticed a beautiful mare in one of the stalls. She was looking at him and he thought to himself "I wonder who she belongs to what she is thinking about all of this" Shaking his head and coming back to reality he noticed that there was a strange figure standing in the dark in the stall and the person, whoever it was, had a pistol trained at his head.

The figure moved into the light and Frett saw that it was Starlett! She had a mean look on her face and said "Don't move, I can shoot strait, if I don't have to shoot too far!" Just then the mare stepped on Starlett's dainty foot and she screamed in pain and dropped the pistol. Frett scooped up the pistol and pointed it at Scarlett.

"You sir, are no gentleman" said Starlett, "And you miss, are no lady" replied Frett as Charlie came into the stable to saddle his horse which just happened to be the oh so helpful mare that had saved Frett.
 

abbas child

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While watching Charles saddle his mare, Frett asked with great nonchalance if there was a "Brunswick" nearby. "In Geogia, there is indeed a Brunswick out between Savanah and the channel islands, on the Rivah. Why, sir do you ask?" Charles looked at him with raised brow.

"Oh, no great reason. I'd heard it mentioned somewhere, and as I was just wondering as you came into the stable, I thought to ask. Beautiful Bay, by the way. The mare, I mean of course."

Starlett was confused. This fellow had said she wasn't a lady! The nerve, the confounded nerve of the man. And here he was talking as though a geography lesson was his only interest. That was not her experience with men before him, and she would teach him a thing or two. Frett suddenly turned around and winked at her. Well.


(I giggled Brunswick, Georgia earlier today, Barry)
 

peter57

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Just what is Frett up to thought Charles as he put the halter on. I might have been a bit hasty in telling him about the Brunswick here in Georgia. And what was his interest in the map, surely not the port area as I am. I guess time will tell.

Now Starlett, said Charles, just what are you doing here, having finished saddling the horse.
Starlett, sure that Charles hadn’t seen the incident with the gun and curious to find out why Frett winked at her decided to push the issue a bit and sidled up to Frett.
Why Frett and I thought that we might just spend some time together before the ball if you know what I mean, winking. Isn’t that right Frett.

Frett, caught off guard stammered out a, yeeees thattts right.

Oh ok replied Charles, turning around and leaving, stopping at the door to remind Frett not to forget that they had some things to do later on.

When Charles had left, they stood apart, Frett said now Starlett, just why are you here and not getting ready for the ball….
 
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peter57

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Meanwhile Charles had caught up with his sister, Ann and dragged her into the drawing room. Checking that they were alone he wanted to run something past her.

You know how we were separated when we were very young and I ended up in Australia, working for a sheep station, I told you when I found you last year, well that part is true, what I didn’t tell you is that I have had a change of jobs just recently. I didn’t want to tell you until I found out your views on politicians.
Now that I know I want to tell you this.

Ann, not sure where this was heading was apprehensive, go on Charlie, tell me it cannot be that bad can it?

Ok Ann, I work for the premier of South Australia, Thomas Reynolds, doing odd jobs for him if you know what I mean, not looking to expand my rubber business like I have being saying.

Well the parliament of SA is getting a bit wary of his dealings and he sent me over here to find a market for his alpacas he was exporting from Peru. He has done one run into Sydney but wants to turn over the money quicker so he thought why not here. So that’s why I am interested in the port of Brunswick. It has many secluded places where to unload them.

Now with the outbreak of war I guess the demand for alpacas is going to fall so that money spinner is gone. However, if you are game to be involved in something else, something that will not only make Thomas rich but us too, then I have a plan.

Ann, who was beginning to get a bit peeved at the behavior of Starlett and wanted some fun for herself said why not, is it dangerous?

Well it will be if we get caught by the Yankees, but it should be fine if we stay down south.
Oh goody replied Ann, jumping up and down, what is it?

Looking around again to check that they were alone he whispered to Ann, gun running.

We have a shipment that left England last month bound for Adelaide. Now they are currently holed up in the Dutch East Indies waiting to see if they will go to Adelaide or New Zealand as Thomas is negotiating a deal with them. Now the captain of the ship is always after some more money, I am sure that I can convince him to offload them here for a small share of the profits, then convince the SA government that pirates took them. We all stand to make money from the pending war.

We will have to be careful doing it replied Ann, there are some shady characters around here that I have met, especially that Frett person.

You are right Ann. I am not going to tell any one either, even my contact for the alpaca deal. I will just let him know that the deal has fallen through.

They headed out the door and their separate ways, unaware that someone had been lurking in the shadows, trying to listen in but was unable to.
 

abbas child

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(Hmmm. Commercial break! Does our Aussie with high governmental connections know who is sister, Melancholy Ann is? Could he have mistaken SueHelpful, user of drugs and booze for his sister? Or is Melly really an "Ann" who has cleverly given only the impression of a very ladylike demeanor, hiding a thirst for adventure? Stay tuned! Back to our program...)
 

BarryG

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The plot thickens. What no one, least of all herself, realized was that Melancholy Ann Hooligan and SueHelpful O'Plenty were two people inhabiting the same body. In a Dr. Jeckll / Mr. Hyde type of way these two totally different personalities took turns and no one knew because their appearance was so completely altered by a side effect of Dr. PZ's anti-twitching formula (had to get him and his medicine in here somehow).

So which one was it that Charles, the long lost brother of Melly from Australia, had confided in? Even she didn't know because at the time of his confession she was just beginning to change (a process that she had no control over or any way of predicting) from the meek and mild Mel, someone without a bad word about anyone, to the mean and nasty SueHelpful who definately did not live up to her name. What was she to do? Should she go along with her devious brother and his get-rich-quick scheme or should she report him to the authorities? And what would her true love, Paisley Silkes, think of her getting involved with gun running?

She didn't even like guns, Yes she did, No she didn't, Oh dear, why cant I make up my mind?

Meanwhile, back in the stable, Frett was attempting to extricate himself from the clutches of Starlett, who he loved but not in "that way". He was also wondering why Charles Hooligan, he of the strange accent, had gone to all of the trouble to saddle his horse, the beautiful mare, and then had not ridden her. "What a waste" he thought "she is obvoiusly an intelligent creature who is too smart to be drawn into this silly story"

"Frett, darling, you know that I didn't mean anything by pointing that pistol at your head, it is just my way of showing affection" cooed Starlett

"Starlett, my dear, you're like the thief who isn't the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he's going to jail"

"I only know that I love you" cried Starlett. "That is your misfortune" replied Frett coldly as he climbed onto Charles's neglected horse and rode out of the stable....
 

abbas child

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Why, Frett, you varmint. I told you so privately, so I'm NOT talking behind your back. (SueHelpful speaking)

Mel was concerned about the good name of her brother. True, she wasn't "in control" while speaking with Charlie, but she still knew what he had told her, and she couldn't believe he could possibly understand that it was an illegal and dangerous act he planned. Her brother was simply misled, and she wouldn't believe a word of it anyway. Melly wanted to find Paisley and enjoy his company. Suddenly the twitching began. What if Paisley saw her all a twitch? He was very, very loyal to the good name of their family. Perhaps she would not look for him after all.

As SueHelpful emerged, she smiled to herself thinking about all the money she and Charlie would make out of gun running. She'd love to see Charlie's face when he realized he'd given his plan away to a stranger as well as to his sister. She sort of liked him. He was a daredevil, just like she was. Suddenly she laughed. With war declared, that mealy mouthed Melly and Paisley had decided to advance their wedding plans to tomorrow. Now, she thought, how would Paisley like finding out he was stuck with her, Sue, as well as married to his gentle Melly. The man was in for a real stinker of a deal.
 
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peter57

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Charlie was confused when he was approached by SueHelpful at dinner and she winked at him and said, whats the next step Charlie?

What was she going on about, did this saucy, smoking, drinking lady know about the plan to bring in guns. Did she over hear them talking in the drawing room, or did Melly tell her of the plan.

Too many questions and no answers. I must fine Melly and try to sort this out else it could all blow up in my face.

Excusing himself from SueHelpful’s company he started to head out, looking for his sister Melly. On reaching the door he turned around just in time to see SueHelpful give a large twitch.

Oh no thought SueHelpful, I am changing back to that mealy mouthed, goody two shoes Melly again. Just when things are started to happen here too, heading out the door, up to her room to complete the transformation.

Meanwhile Paisley, too was looking for his sweetheart and having no success decided to head outside for some fresh air, just in time to see Starlett come from the barn and Frett ride off.

Well well well what do we have here thought Paisley, ducking back into the house. I might have to keep an eye on those two. Now where did Melly go, I really need to see her.

Melly was indeed a wanted person.
 

peter57

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Charlie decided to check Mel’s room again and seeing the door ajar he knocked and went in, just in time to see SueHelpful, well it looked a bit like her twitch and shake violently on the bed, roll over and then roll back, looking like Mell, his sister.
What the ! cried out Charlie.

Quick shut the door Charlie and I will tell you what I know.

Charlie shut the door and sat on the bed, holding his sisters hand.

Well its like this, I don’t know what happens but every time I twitch I change into, well I don’t know what but it seems that I am gone somewhere for a short time, being a totally different person.

Well I know who you end up being replied Charlie, you end up being that SueHelpful. When I came in I recognised her in you. That explains a lot of things to me, like how she knew about the guns we are going to bring in.

Guns, oh no replied Mell, I hate guns.
Mmmmmm thought Charlie, I must have told her just as she was changing into SueHelpful about the guns, what am I going to do?
Mell continued and said, as you are my long lost brother I will support you in any thing you do but just don’t bring the guns near me, you understand?

Perfectly my dear sister, thinking all was not lost.

Now I just might have something for you to stop those twitches as I used to get them, but since taking this, dragging out a small bottle from his vest pocket. It might work for you too, but you have to take the first sip just as you are twitching.

What is it replied Mell.
Well its an extract of a combination of local Adelaide seaweeds and the tree fern, “Dicksonia antarctica” , found on the slopes of the Mount Lofty Ranges, and made by my good mate Ernst Heyne.


Just then a small twitch began in Mell’s leg. Quick Mell, have a sip, I don’t know what will happen but it is worth a go.

Well Mell had a sip and immediately fell back on the bed twitching and writhing in shear agony. Oh no thought Charlie, what have I done to my sis, what have I done.

The twitches went on for 10 minutes or so, then suddenly they stopped and Mell rolled over, away from Charlie. Then she slowly rolled back looking more lovely than before as Mell.

How do you feel now, well I feel sort of different, you know like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Phew said Charlie, I think it might have just worked, hugging his sister.

Just then a knock on the door startled them, getting up Charlie was fronted by Paisley and a girl, only clothed in a sheet.

Charlie let out a gasp, it was SueHelpful.

Mell my dear girl, we need to talk about the wedding, but that can wait. I found SueHelpful wondering around the garden, looking lost. Cannot get much sense from her, she keeps on mumbling something about you though, something about a boat. Could you look after her and give her some clothes, she looks to be the same size as you.

Come on Charlie, we will leave the girls alone, lets go and have a drink.
Right on mate, replied Charlie, I certainly need one.


(editors note: now we need a SueHelpful, any one game to take up the role, CJ, any one?. No experiance nessessary :lol: )
 
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BarryG

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Well I am so glad that is all straightened out, it was a bit too surreal even for the follies!

Meanwhile, the war is now actually underway and there is real fighting with many of the local menfolk signing up to support the south.

Paisley and Charlie were talking guns in the bar while they sip their bourbon. "You know, as soon as Melancholy and I get married I am going to join up" stated Paisley. "I have connections and should get a fairly high rank and if I do then maybe you and I can make some money off of your guns"

"Sounds like a plan that I can drink to" replied Charlie as he raised his glass

As Frett was having such a good ride he decided to go all the way to Atlanta to visit his favourite house of ill repute and maybe to take in a Braves game. For her part, Starlett had decided that none of the men were paying enough attention to her so she went looking for the nearest army barracks to find some real upstanding men of the south.
 
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abbas child

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Melly and Paisley Silkes were married the following afternoon at Twelve Tokes in the ballroom, and Charlie gave his sister away (easy come, easy go, but as Paisley was also his cousin the marriage would help his business). Paisley was now an officer of uncertain rank, not wanting to go to war or to have to fight, but hoping that with Charlie's help he could make enough money in Confederate bonds to keep sweet tea on the table until eternity or by and by, whichever came first. Yes, he also wanted to keep his honor.

Starlett was pitching a hissy fit when she saw the two newlyweds saying their "I do-s" and said to herself, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Then Charlie approached her, bedazzled with her beauty.

"Starlett, honey, you know we'll be back directly. This war of Northern Aggression won't last but a month." Starlett thought fast and hard. Charlie saw the wheels turn and recognized that unlike other young ladies of the South, Starlett moved fast, Yes mam, and pressed on, "Starlett, will ya marry me? I'd be so honahd if you would. You will? Oh, Honey, give me some sugah!" Charlie may have grown up in Australia, but he was quick and wily and figured out these southern women and their menfolk and could, if needed, pretend to speak just like them. "Will you wait for me and marry me as soon as we beat those Yankees?"

Starlett bit her lip. Actually she did that often. In fact, biting her lip was a sure sign she was plotting something brazenly selfish. Unfortunately, at this point, the only one who knew it was Frett, so Charlie went unwarned. "We'll marry before the waor. Let's marry tomorrow, the day before you have to leave. We don't wahnt to wait, Charlie, do we?"

Two days later Starlett hid from everyone while waiting for Paisley to appear. When he did, she presented him with a sash she claimed she'd made for him (actually Mammy made it for Melly to give to him but those kinds of problems didn't trouble Starlett.) Paisley was "honahd to receive it" and flattered, but a bit scared when Starlett threw herself into his arms for the umpteenth time. "Oh, Paisley! Whatevah will I do if something happens to you?" He climbed out of her tight embrace terrified that Charlie would perceive exactly what she was (still) doing. "Starlett, now you behave, or I'll call Mammy," he said sternly in his rather weak way. "Mammy will take you in hand and MAKE you behave, and Starlett, I want you to take care of Melancholy Ann for me. You and she can go somewhere and wait for us to finish off those Yankees."
 
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peter57

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Charlie had contacted the captain of the ship and it would dock about midnight in 5 days time.

Paisley had indeed pulled some strings and been put in charge of logistics and supply for the local division. He didn’t hesitate in making Charlie in charge of the Sea Supply Section, giving him a warning though that he had heard that the Yankees were planning a sea blockade in the near future so he had better get their guns on land ASAP.

Paisley meanwhile was busy canvassing the local plantation owners in an effort to source not only supplies for the army, but for money to pay for the guns, with the promise that those that volunteer from those plantations will be the first to receive them.

Back at the Twitcha estate things were a bit hectic with Starlett and Melancholy Ann busy packing every thing up so they could leave in a hurry if required. Well Melly did most of the packing with the aid of Mammy, the 4 house servants and Winton, the old one armed gardener. Starlett was conspicuous by her frequent trips away, always for abut the same time, 4 hours, looking sometimes quiet flushed.

Frett meanwhile was on his way back to the estate from his jaunt to Atlanta, keen to see what Charlie, Paisley and especially Starlett were up to as he was keen to make the most of this war, financially that is and didn’t want any body messing it up for him.
 
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