Forum Follies Break the Wind

Not open for further replies.


Extremely helpful member
Nov 19, 2008
Starlett O’Plenty was quite beautiful and as her name suggested, filled the bodice of her new green flowered-muslin dress nicely. It was a warm April afternoon in the north Georgia county of Clayton in 1861 as she sat on the porch of her daddy’s mansion on their estate called Twitcha. Beside her (or more precisely, on both sides of her) were two of her many admirers twins Stump and Bent Charlatan. The twins had just been expelled from their fourth university, The Wright School of Neurology because they asked too many questions and got into a fight with the head master, Old Fogey, and were idling their time with Starlett to avoid going home to the wrath of their mother.

“Whatever is your mother going to say when she finds out about you two?” asked Starlett. “Well, it won’t matter anyway because there is going to be a war, if those yellow-bellied Yankees aren’t too chicken” replied Stump. While Starlett liked the twins and especially the attention that they paid to her she was bored with the talk of war because it was so tedious “Well fiddle-dee-dee, I don’t care about war or secession or any of that blather and if you two don’t stop talking about it I will go into the house and leave you here”

“Oh Starlett, don’t leave us, we’ll talk about the ball at Twelve Tokes tomorrow instead” cried the twins in unison (twins, especially identical twins do that a lot, at least in the movies). “Please say you’ll dance with us and not that boring Paisley Silkes” whined Bent “You know that everyone has been talking about how sweet you are on him, at least since you fell out with that rascal, Tartan Tweed. But Paisley is going to marry his cousin Melancholy Ann Hooligan; he is going to announce it tonight”.

“Stop talking nonsense or I’ll never speak to either of you again and what’s more, I’ll sic my dog Ernest (hint, hint) on you.” At that the twins decided to take their leave of Starlett before she set the small but feisty curly haired dog loose.

That afternoon at a garden party at Twelve Tokes, home of the Silkes, Starlett noticed a tall dark stranger staring at her. “”Why, that man is looking at me like he knew what I look like without my bikini!” she declared to no one in particular. “Who is he” she asked one of her many admirers, Charles “Taz” Hooligan, Melancholy Ann’s brother. “And why do you have that strange accent, always saying things like g’day? What kind of southerner talks like that? “Why that’s Frett Studler, he has a bad reputation as a gambler and womanizer. And as for my accent, well I am a southerner, just not from this south” replied Taz.

“Well I don’t like his greasy hair, it gives me the creeps! And that mustache! Yuck!” With that she went upstairs to join all of the other girls in a snuggle fest disguised as an afternoon nap leaving the men to have brandy, cigars and talk about the price of calico.
Last edited:
OK, the title alone just made me spill my coffee! :shock:
Last edited:
Starlett lay in the darkened room. Try as she might, she could not drift off into a pleasant nap. All around her was the sound of soft breathing. It seemed the other southern belles did not suffer from insomnia. Maybe they could sleep so easily because their conscience was clear...

Starlett tossed onto her other side with a huff. ... and that Mr Frett Studler... there was something about him... Oh, she may have declared she didn't like a mustache, but, secretly ....

She turned back over and flung her arm over her eyes with a heaving, undulating sigh, accidentally elbowing Melancholy Ann in the eye.
Last edited:
"Ouch" moaned Mel Ann weakly, "Oh, Starlett darling, I know you didn't mean it. You just need to relax." "Prissy, dear, fan Miss Starlett so she can relax. Oh, how delightful, I get some of her breeze. Now, Starlett, rest, Dear, and dream about the ball. All the men are going to want you rested so you can dance," Mel Ann gently smiled.
"Why Melly, don't you ever get just a little mad, annoyed, pissed off?" muttered Starlett "I do declare, I just don't know what Paisley sees in you!"

"Starlett, you scene stealer, you know that Melancholy Ann is just the nicest, sweetest person in all of Georgia and that you are just the opposite!" said the true Belle (hint, hint) of the ball, Starlett's sister, SueHelpful O'Plenty.

"Now you gals betta stop quarlin, you heah" scolded Mammy, the O'Plenty (ok what is she anyway? You fill in the blank) "It aint proper for young ladies to be arguin all the time and somethin else that aint proper is all the undulating that I am seeing when you gals is supposed to be nappin!"

Meanwhile downstairs the menfolk were discussing who had the bigger cannon and dreaming of all those heaving bosoms upstairs. Our hero, Frett, having made his point claiming that the biggest cannons were to be found in Charleston decided to go find some action. As he was wandering the garden he noticed some beautiful flowers "Hmm", he thought, "I wonder if those Irises were planted by Paisley's sister Iris Silkes?"

He made his way into the library where he found .......
Last edited:
Now, Paisley was a nefarious womanizer, known to appear and disappear at the oddest times, in the oddest ways. Once he had shown up at the Old Cotton Mill dressed in the greenest finery (hint, hint) fit for a king. But, everyone knew he had never made a true living in his life; and he was on a tight rein from the family rice plantation's riches. Afterall, war was looming and the family didn't want to twitch away their fortune, in case they needed it later on.

But, everyone was unaware that Paisley had learned much while on his family's plantation in S.C. and was currently selling his secret in the back alleys of Charleston...
Last edited:
Charles Hooligan, who was poring over some nautical maps, which he quickly rolled back up when he heard the door open.

Frett my dear man what are you doing here, trying to take the upper hand. Why I was going to ask you the same thing, old boy, trying to see what the maps were, but couldn’t so he walked over and spun the world globe slowly while looking at Charles to see if any reaction was forthcoming. It was not .

Charles, why don’t we go back and have another drink. The girls are still asleep and I am interested to hear all about the south where you come from.

No worries mate, lets go and walked towards the door. Strange man this Charles character, very strange. Nothing like his sister Mel Ann, nothing at all, thought Frett as they made their way back to the rest of the men. I will have to keep an eye on him.
Last edited:
Paisley Silkes, meanwhile, had returned to Twelve Tokes after finishing his business in Charleston. He needed to change into his dapper attire before the ladies finished napping. After finding just the correct matching shirt and tie for his paisley jacket, he left the valet to clear up the discards and debonairly strolled down the stairs toward the smoking room where he heard the talk of cannons drifting out the door. Abruptly turning around, he found Starlett inches away smiling up at him with her beautiful cat eyes.

"Paisley, darling, I need to talk about something with you. May we find a room without others listening?" Her smile was bewitching.

Paisley gulped and nodded his head, carefully keeping his eyes on her face. (It's Melancholy I love, it's Melancholy I must concentrate on, his thoughts desperately tried to keep him in control). "Why Starlett", of course we can talk, but why are you downstairs? The other ladies are napping, aren't they?"

The pair entered a large room and closed the door. Opposite them was a fireplace with a long sofa facing it, and the room was quiet.

Starlett heaved a large sigh and exclaimed, "Oh, Paisley, I had to see you alone. That's why I left the others. I do love you so! Tell me you aren't going to marry that mealy mouthed Melancholy Ann. Tell me she's just your cousin and you feel sorry for her. You know you love me! I've always known you love me." She grabbed his shoulders and held on tightly.

Upstairs the girls were beginning to stir, and of course, Prissy had the air stirring above them. Mammy came bustling in, her arms folded across her bosom. "Where is that chil'? Who's seen my Baby Girl, Starlett? Unh, unh, unh, she up to no good, sneakin off like that."
It actually was only a half truth that Starlett felt such an attraction to Paisley. She was attracted all right, but what drew her in was the certainty that he was onto something exciting, and, she was tired of the sameness of her existence in Clayton. She longed for adventure. Beneath Paisley's dapper if somewhat aloof exterior, was something bigger, hinting at a much more intriguing life than he let on about during the many social gatherings in their little society.

Starlett had witnessed Paisley and Charles in an animated discussion in the library. The door was ajar when she passed it on the way to join the other belles for a nap. She'd been unable to hear the subject of their conversation, but they both appeared to be gesturing at a map which was on the table before them.

Before she could learn anything more, that infuriatingly mysterious newcomer, Frett Studler, came into the library from another door, and she'd had to leave, lest they notice her standing there.

...So, as she hung onto Paisley's shoulder with one arm (making sure her bodice made full contact with his vest), her other hand carefully wandered down his jacket, ever so lightly checking for a concealed document. ..
Golly, Rose you beat me to it! Not exactly what I was going for, but almost the same! LOL LOL I was typing as your post appeared!
Last edited:
CJ, my laptop was running so low on battery, I thought I needed to look it over better, but was afraid the whole thing would disappear if I waited. Now, its your turn!
Just then, Mammy appeared! "Gul, somebody need to fry yo hiney!" Mammy bustled about rustling up Starlett, "What you think you doin' in gintamen's comp'ny wid out no buddy but yosef and yosef alone and dim him alone?"

Starlett protested only in vain, as Mammy shuffled her off to the kitchen to fetch the homemade Mammy-cure...
Last edited:
Back in the smoking room, having sorted out where the biggest cannons were the men were still quietly discussing the price of calico when Charles and Frett returned.

Now Charlie, said Paisley what do you think of the price, will it go up like the rest think? Frankly Paisley, I don’t give a dam replied Charlie. I got out of calico a few years ago and into rubber, now there’s an industry of the future.

Mmm thought Frett, having been around the area all his live and not seen any rubber plants here. Now listen here Charlie, just where do you come from.

Well I come from……….., just then the door burst open and there stood Starlett, sun shining through her dress, outlining her body beneath it. A site to behold.
Who would like to take me for a walk out in the garden it’s such a nice day.

There was a stampede towards the door and first there was Paisley with the vivid memory still fresh in his mind of the encounter in the hall way before.

That was the distraction Charlie needed and made his way outside via the French windows, hoping to find his way back to the library undetected.
Last edited:
Frett, having woken from his secret power nap on the couch facing the fireplace, stretched, checked his cannon, err, his pistol and decided that what he had heard Starlett and Paisley talking about was almost as interesting as the map that Charles and Paisley were hiding.

"That Starlett is such a tease! What she needs is to be spanked, often and by someone who knows how!" he muttered to himself not realizing that SueHelpful had overheard him because like her older sister she wasn't a napper. In fact SueHelpful was an insomniac who hardly ever slept and had made it her mission to see that Starlett was never happy. Booze and pills made her sleeplessness complete and also helped to stop her left leg from twitching uncontrollably, an embarrassing problem when she didn't want to dance at he ball.

Just then a rider galloped up the lane of Twelve Tokes, screeching to a stop (do horses screech to a stop?) in front of the group of men spilling out of the smoking room. All the noise had the snoozing young ladies awake and madly trying to get back into corsets, petticoats and gowns all the while trying to overhear what what was being said outside.

"War, it's War" cried the rider. "Well Chuck, we'd better keep that secret map secret for now" whispered Paisley. Frett, on the other hand, had other plans....
Last edited:
When the men had cheered for their war, bottles raised high, they began thinking of weaponry and how dashing this would look. Those thoughts were followed by the remembrance that there was a ball tonight at Twelve Tokes. In general, the male contingent was united in hoping to ask for Starlett to marry them before they went off to glory in the battlefield. They nudged one another saying, "We'll have the nauth crawlin back home on theyah bellies in a month, mahk my words." (ok, CJ, with the "r"s?)

The women had no interest in the war, but times were prime for marrying and partying. Melancholy Ann, however, knew Paisley would announce their engagement at the ball, and went about unruffled. Life wouldn't be changing for her; the plantation would simply be run by her softly spoken wishes.

Starlett had other plans. As far as she was concerned, Paisley was still free, and Mammy or no Mammy, her neckline would bring him in line tonight.
Not open for further replies.