whimsy_1971
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2008
- Messages
- 78
- Country
- US
- State
- Illinois
- City
- Noble
I have visited here in the past and have posted a couple of posts. Im glad to have a place that belongs to us, the caregivers. I have been having a lot of low days recently. My husband was diagnosed with ALS Oct 2007. I remember the nurse saying I hope the best, and Im thinking, " hope the best for what". I had no idea what we were facing.
My husband has rapidly progressed at least in my eyes. I remember him telling me in the Kohls Parking lot " nows the time to go if you want to go". I looked at him and said I'm not going any where.
This has been a daily struggle. I'm having such a difficult time adjusting. I can never get ahead, and alway seem to be falling two steps behind. My husand can no longer walk, feed himself and barley talks( i can still understand him but barley). He gets so frustrated and angry. We are still waiting for his wheelchair. I feel all alone at this and dont have much help. Im working so we can keep insurance (I work 3p-11p) and pay bills. I feel useless, I dont feel like I can take care of my husband the way he needs to be taken care of. Im scared to death. I get upset and think what the heck do I have to be upset for I have no right, Look at my husband he's the one that deserves to be upset.
Im very angry, Im so tired, I feel so helpless, and to be honest Im not sure how much more of this I can take. My husband had to use a bed side camode today, I cried when I emptied it. Telling myself "you know your husband would do this for you, why am I having such a difficult time" . I have no family they are all gone, except for an aint but we dont communicate. He has some family but one of his sisters live in Texas, the other lives close but she has to take care of their father. So my husband is dependant on me for everything, I work, and shamlessly ask myself if I can do this? (We have children too, but they are living w/ their other parent. )
Im am a wreck and wonder if one day I will no longer be able to do this. I want my husband back and I want to wake up from this nighmare, but this is one hell that we cant get out of.
My husband has rapidly progressed at least in my eyes. I remember him telling me in the Kohls Parking lot " nows the time to go if you want to go". I looked at him and said I'm not going any where.
This has been a daily struggle. I'm having such a difficult time adjusting. I can never get ahead, and alway seem to be falling two steps behind. My husand can no longer walk, feed himself and barley talks( i can still understand him but barley). He gets so frustrated and angry. We are still waiting for his wheelchair. I feel all alone at this and dont have much help. Im working so we can keep insurance (I work 3p-11p) and pay bills. I feel useless, I dont feel like I can take care of my husband the way he needs to be taken care of. Im scared to death. I get upset and think what the heck do I have to be upset for I have no right, Look at my husband he's the one that deserves to be upset.
Im very angry, Im so tired, I feel so helpless, and to be honest Im not sure how much more of this I can take. My husband had to use a bed side camode today, I cried when I emptied it. Telling myself "you know your husband would do this for you, why am I having such a difficult time" . I have no family they are all gone, except for an aint but we dont communicate. He has some family but one of his sisters live in Texas, the other lives close but she has to take care of their father. So my husband is dependant on me for everything, I work, and shamlessly ask myself if I can do this? (We have children too, but they are living w/ their other parent. )
Im am a wreck and wonder if one day I will no longer be able to do this. I want my husband back and I want to wake up from this nighmare, but this is one hell that we cant get out of.