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whimsy_1971

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It hurts me that I have to ask this question, but you are the only people I have to talk with that I feel understands me.

I am finding myself becoming angry at my husband (Als). He seems to be fighting me every step of the way on some days. Instead of making things easier he seems to want to make it harder on me.

Last night I was trying to trasfer him to the toilet. I tried 2 times to pull him up, but his legs were giving out on him and I after making multiple transfers was getting weaker. By the end of the 2nd attempted his behind was coming close to the edge of his wheelchair seat. He then request that I roll him back into the dinning room and pull him to a standing position and reset him in his wheelchair and then go back into the bathroom and pull him up again to put him on the toliet. I had to leave him set there for a minute or so because I became so angry. Then he started grunting and saying he needed help. Sometimes I feel as if I could explode and it scares me. I dont want to feel this way. I dont know what to do.

I get so angry sometimes. I feel like he tries to make things more difficult for me, and then I become angry with myself because of how I feel. :neutral:
 

brooksea

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Well, Christy, your frustration is well founded. I remember you said your husband was over two hundred pounds! I'm sure a physically fit male would even have a hard time with the situation.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are still who you were before and he is still who he was. Circumstances have changed, but I bet if you put your mind to it you will come up with different solutions to overcome difficulties that arise. And if you can't then I would have the ALSA come in and offer suggestions on how things could be handled better.

If you find your level of frustration is out of control, then I would seek counseling from your local ALSA if they have a family counselor or call the social worker at the clinic!

My husband is not at the same level of progression as yours, but he's very "vocal" and stubborn. He is used to getting his way about most things, because he is a smooth talker. Now people just rudely tell him they can't understand him and walk away or hang the phone up. This angers him immensely and I in turn am brought into the fray! LOL:evil:

I just tell myself, this is the way things are. I will do the best I can and that will have to be good enough. Don't be afraid to tell your husband that you are frustrated. Tell him it is not his fault , nor is it yours. It is merely the circumstance of the day. Try to imagine something funny if you can and I bet it will lift your spirits. Maybe while you are doing something difficult for him, talk to him about a good time y'all had in the past. Maybe this will calm his nerves as well as yours. JMHO

I appreciate you and others sharing your stories, as they are helpful to me and the other CALS that visit here.
 

whimsy_1971

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thanks CJ

I'll look into the Counceling. It wouldnt hurt anyways.
 

CindyM

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Hi Christy- I definitely want to thank you for voicing what is a totally normal emotion for many people. I remember once snapping at my Mom for asking the same question over and over. When I got frustrated, she looked hurt and said, "But sometimes I forget." She has Alzheimer's.

Her nurse did the best thing. She gave me a big hug and said I should go get some rest. "You will not have patience if you are over-cooked," she explained.

I am glad you decided to get some counseling. We think we are supposed to know how to manage it all but ALS has a huge learning curve. And maybe the counselor can help you find some outside help for your hubby.
 

Lorie

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Christy

I know about your Anger. I do not get angry with my brother Tim. I approach everthing for him with Love. What we are Angry at is this Disease. They can't help it because they have it. And we know that. My brothers lift on Tim. They will not allow me to. I do pull him forward to caugh up. You have such a Emotional and Physical strain on you. I dont know how you do it! You need help for sure. Can he get some in home Health Care? Does he qualify for Hospice? Any other Family that can lend a hand? Bless your heart for doing what you do. I think you should be commended for giving it your all.

You have our support! Keep us updated.

Lorie
 

whimsy_1971

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Lori

I know about your Anger. I do not get angry with my brother Tim. I approach everthing for him with Love. What we are Angry at is this Disease. They can't help it because they have it. And we know that. My brothers lift on Tim. They will not allow me to. I do pull him forward to caugh up. You have such a Emotional and Physical strain on you. I dont know how you do it! You need help for sure. Can he get some in home Health Care? Does he qualify for Hospice? Any other Family that can lend a hand? Bless your heart for doing what you do. I think you should be commended for giving it your all.

You have our support! Keep us updated.

Lorie


I have been talking w/ the home health nurse that comes in once a week to check his blood. She said she was going to look into hospice but wasnt sure. She stated he qualifies but if he chose to have a feeding tube wasnt sure if he would, but she will talk w/ the nurse cordiantor and see what she can find out. I wish we had family available. He has a sister with in 20 mints but she is taking care of thier father right now, he has a lot of health issues too. I on the other hand dont have any family around. Right now I have a friend coming in almost nightly to give David his night medication while Im at work, and we started at a new ALS clinic and Im hoping they can lead me in the right direction. I sure hope so, cause I do need assistance, but trying to find it, or get it is another thing I have found difficult. I was looking into caregivers but they cost dearly, and I dont think insurance pays anything on that.

Thanks so much for you support. I dont know what I would do with out you guys. :mrgreen:
 
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