Feeling all alone!

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skipper66

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Hi Everyone,
I am feeling so bad today. It will be my husband and my 19th wedding anniversary on the 11th of this month. Also, my dad's 78th birthday. I have friends but nobody close that I really do anything with. My husband unfortunately has abusive to me since the day we came home from our honeymoon. It was even physcial for awhile but now just strictly verbal.
I actually went to a lawyer two years ago around Thanksgiving and had papers drawn up to serve him for a divorce. But, I ended up collapsing and was put in a psyciatric ward for 2 1/2 weeks. I have suffered from depression since adolescence. I dated a guy before my husband who was several years older then for six years prior to my husband. He truly loved me and treated me like gold. I thought the age difference was too much for the long haul and walked away. I was a fool.
My current husband has never been supportive when I need him. I always wonder why he doesn't love me. Is it because I put on weight? When we got married I had a figure that was good enough to probally be in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit addition. My husband won't even talk to me about news events or anything. When my mom was in the hospital one of her many times before her passing and was on a vent he said to me "Kim, your mom is going to die and there will be no one to protect you. I am going to make your life a living hell." He said this while I was crying so hard over my mother that I was in the bathroom throwing up.
My dad has always been my rock. But, I can't go to him now. He can't help me now and can't handle the stress anyway. I go to a psychiatrist and am on depression meds. I have been to see a priest to talk about my dad's condition. Just started a new counselor but nobody can make my husband love me. I pray and pray that God will change his heart. Should I keep going to counseling? I just feel abandoned. Kim
 

vzandt

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I'm sorry Kim. Yes..keep seeing your counselor. 19 years is a very long time. Nobody can tell you what to do. You are your strongest ally and you have to decide what's best for you. Not your dad or anyone else. You need to. Talk to your counselor and figure out what you want and need. You really are stronger then you think. Hurt does not mean weak. You cant make anyone love you. They do or they don't.
 

ottawa girl

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Kim,

I am sorry for your troubles - and I can only suggest that you need to work on learning to love yourself. If you don't put a value on yourself - no one else will either. Stay with the counseling. Don't give up. That's how you will get well and strong and confident. Do fun things with your kids - they need you too. They need you healthy and present and mindful. Cultivate your friendships and give of your time. Warm up to your siblings. No one can "make" someone love them. Pray for a change in your own heart.

That being said, you may want to ask your counselor if your presence on this public ALS forum is indeed the best thing for you. Especially in view of your own personal difficult circumstances, above and beyond your Dad's ALS. The counselor may have other alternatives for you to explore.

Good luck Kim.
 

sadiemae

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I agree. We are not equipped to deal with serious depression issues.
 

Miss

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Try dailystrength dot org. They have a forum for people suffering from depression.
 

Danijela

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Kim, of course you are welcome on this forum as you can learn about ALS, share your experince and seek support. I'm very sorry to hear about your relationship with your partner. His words are cruel. I hope you can work the way out of the situation you are in. Abuse of any type should not be accepted. D
 

cervus

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I agree with everybody's comments here. You need to continue to seek counselling. You need help to feel good about yourself, Kim. And learn to love yourself and not let anybody put you down and abuse you in anyway. Please keep seeking help. Yasmin.
 

skipper66

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I know this forum is for ALS but I posted on the topic that said OTHER to get opinions. I wasn't trying to manipulate the forum from its original purpose. I am on here mainly to get support about my dad's conditions and learn about it. I have my counselor and a psychiatrist who are watching me extremely close while my dad progresses. Also, the staff in the ER where I work the switchboard have been alerted to the situation. I hope you all don't want me off here. Kim
 

ottawa girl

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NO No No - don't want you off here - thought only there may other places (sites) for you as an adjunct to this site. To find help for you. Miss had a good suggestion. It's not good to feel alone -especially whilst being surrounded by your family. Felling alone in a crowd is the worse kind of loneliness.

Kim, you posted some pretty sad and intimate things - we're trying to help you not feel so alone with your thoughts. You asked if you should continue with counseling - the answer was unanimous - YES!
 

scotslassie

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Why would we want you off here? Your dad has ALS, you need to be mentally strong to deal with that, if you're not happy he might pick up on your mood, so it IS an ALS issue.
Get rid of that idiot, you deserve better. Life is short enough without being miserable and putting up with nonsense. I'm onto husband No 3 now. Life with No 2 was like the film "War of the Roses". Neither would move out the house and we both tried to kill each other. Seriously. He tampered with the gas and I read instruction manuals for his car's braking system (didn't do it). I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush and kidnapped his dog tho'. He was physically abusive once, that was when he learned I could fight back and punch like a man. Don't put up with this any longer, you don't need this in your life right now. It won't be easy, but you owe it to yourself to be happy and you will come out of it a stronger person.
Don't be anyone's doormat/punchbag. Take care.
 

caldona

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Kim don't walk but run but before running get everything you want out of the house when he leaves and put it somewhere a friend of mine rented a storage building and kept rearanging things in the house he didn't notice until it was to late. My first husband was abusive he was also abusive to his second wife before he died let me tell you there is someone waiting for you then you will be like me thinking why did I waste my life taking that crap. This is his problem not yours unless you choose to stay It will not improve and you can not change him
 

scotslassie

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There's a lot of in's and out's and planning ahead. Kim, don't just walk away from everything you have worked for. Don't let him use your present state of mind as ammunition against you. You need help and support right now, not aggression and abuse. You need to be there for your dad with back up and help, not hinderance. I may be thousands of miles away but I am willing to help you in whatever way I can. Who knows how much longer you have with your dad. He is the important one here. He was the one who was there for you when you were wee. Don't be left awhiles from now saying "if only I'd" and "I wish I'd". If you truly believe your husband, and your marriage cannot be salvaged then walk away. Don't be left with regrets, because they stay with you for the rest of your life.
 

HelenL

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Kim, first, I also do not have a good relationship with my hubby... we were separated for years (didn't get divorced due to money issues). He moved "home" when I was diagnosed, and not sure that was right to do... but he is trying, and so am I. But you can't be the only one trying. If he won't go to counseling with you to work on the marriage, then you need to start planning the for the end of the marriage. By this I mean get credit established in your own name is you don't already. Start a separate bank account if you don't already. Don't tell him you're putting money away for a rainy day, you need to think forward.

If you haven't already done so, try making the appt with the counselor and tell him that you would like both of you to go. If he refuses that dat to go, go by yourself... and start the legal process when you are ready.

Above all, remember that you are valued, don't let him define who you are.

Good luck hon.
 

Miss

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Oh Kim, I hope you didn't think that anyone here wants you off the forum. Absolutely not! We just want to help you find the additional support that you need. ALS is enough to cope with. You don't need someone abusing you when you get home with all of the pain that ALS brings.
 

vzandt

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No Kim. We want you to stay here AND get extra help. You've got a lot on your plate and we are here for you.
 
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