joni51
Senior member
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2010
- Messages
- 992
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 10/2010
- Country
- US
- State
- Al
- City
- Valley
As most of you know I lost my first husband after 19 years of marriage to melanoma cancer, my kids dad. He fought a 2.5 year battle with 3 brain surgeries,radiation, chemo,trials.It devasated me when we lost him, during his illness my mom developed alzheimers, she did not even know me. I lost them both. Found myself in love again 4 years later, he is great, loves my kids, my dogs, everyone until August when he was diagnosed with Als. This is so bad that I am living losing him, and reliving losing my first husband. I work every day cleaning houses to try and pay bills, actually 12 house in 5 days this week, I am so tired when I get off, and still have to try to get something fixed that he can eat, clothes washed ect. Mediacare is dragging there feet on the dynavox, we can't afford an Ipad. I am just so burnt out. Oh and my eye exam showed I needed new glasses, but I have no eye coverage. Was diagnosed last week with arthritis too. I feel like a queen if I get a new tube of mascara...lol Today I was so depressed I really had some bad thoughts as far as myself, stupid I know, but I thought for a minute..just run your car off the road, or take a few extra pills. I know that sounds pissy with all that the people on this forum face, and I am truly sorry. I am just tired depressed, nothing to look forward too..work work work, see about things for Bruce, as he can't talk no longer. I just feel like I have a huge weight on my shoulders, and I don't want to face it. I am sorry this is long. Just had to get this out. Yes I am on an antidepressant, and something for anxiety, still does not take these feelings away some days.