AnxiousWaiting
Member
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2016
- Messages
- 19
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Country
- NA
- State
- DC
- City
- DC
All -- My mother is in her late 70's, has no ability to move her legs and has limited use of her arms, which means she has limited strength in her hands and forearms and that's it. Her breathing is okay but below 50 percent. She is only beginning to have trouble swallowing. She lives with her older husband and gets help from day time attendants.
I have two older siblings who are involved in my mother's care. The oldest one, who has a strong personality and is influential but lives abroad, is in complete denial of the diagnosis. She believes that the paralysis is a combination of lumbar nerve root compression, anxiety and a failure to properly do PT exercises. She has advised the caretakers that my mother needs to be encouraged to do things on her own as much as possible (e.g., attendant should not hold the cup for her when she struggles to drink and should have my mother try to push the wheelchair forward even if she can't make it turn corners).
I am concerned about this. This sibling's denial contributed to my mother declining to get a feeding tube. Her breathing levels are now too low to get one. It also led to my mother refusing to switch from a walker to a wheelchair at a point when she clearly needed a wheelchair: she fell trying to walk to the bathroom with the walker and fractured her leg, which landed her in a miserable rehab place for 4 months.
I would like to insist to the caretakers that they help my mother to the maximum extent possible. This is not the time to change my mother's personality and make her less anxious or more inclined to be independent. The key, in my opinion, is to have her be safe, not tire her out, and maximize her time with family and friends. It kills me to see her attendants refuse to help cut up her food even while she is struggling. They are good attendants, but they are just following my oldest sibling's advice.
Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Any suggestions on how
to advise the attendants? Some would say that it's up to my mother to push back. But I think that, at times, she takes hope from my oldest sibling's denial. Then she gets upset with the attendant for not helping out more and the lack of help feeds her anxiety and depression.
Note that I am the one child in town with my mother. Other siblings visit for a few days and then return to their homes.
I have two older siblings who are involved in my mother's care. The oldest one, who has a strong personality and is influential but lives abroad, is in complete denial of the diagnosis. She believes that the paralysis is a combination of lumbar nerve root compression, anxiety and a failure to properly do PT exercises. She has advised the caretakers that my mother needs to be encouraged to do things on her own as much as possible (e.g., attendant should not hold the cup for her when she struggles to drink and should have my mother try to push the wheelchair forward even if she can't make it turn corners).
I am concerned about this. This sibling's denial contributed to my mother declining to get a feeding tube. Her breathing levels are now too low to get one. It also led to my mother refusing to switch from a walker to a wheelchair at a point when she clearly needed a wheelchair: she fell trying to walk to the bathroom with the walker and fractured her leg, which landed her in a miserable rehab place for 4 months.
I would like to insist to the caretakers that they help my mother to the maximum extent possible. This is not the time to change my mother's personality and make her less anxious or more inclined to be independent. The key, in my opinion, is to have her be safe, not tire her out, and maximize her time with family and friends. It kills me to see her attendants refuse to help cut up her food even while she is struggling. They are good attendants, but they are just following my oldest sibling's advice.
Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Any suggestions on how
to advise the attendants? Some would say that it's up to my mother to push back. But I think that, at times, she takes hope from my oldest sibling's denial. Then she gets upset with the attendant for not helping out more and the lack of help feeds her anxiety and depression.
Note that I am the one child in town with my mother. Other siblings visit for a few days and then return to their homes.