Emotionally Distancing

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ruthiep

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Feb 28, 2011
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174
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
01/2011
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US
State
AL
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Enterprise
Have any other CALS experienced an "emotional distancing" by their PALS early on in this process? I've noticed my Hubby spending more and more time in his workshop/man-cave. He's been hanging out there almost every evening, watching TV, playing with his fishing stuff and generally seeming to stay away from the basic household activities. Even though we've gone on several trips outta town the last several weeks, he just seems to be.....I don't know the exact way to describe it other than "taking himself outta the darn day-to-day activities"! As bizarre as it may seem, sometimes I feel like he's trying to prepare me for life without him..... if he's not readily at hand, then I have to deal with the immediate "here and now" and not involve him! Grandbaby having a meltdown, dogs puking or light fixtures blowing===I'd better deal with it despite him STILL being here to help! I'd like to think I'm a relatively sane person and not subject to wild imaginations, BUT THEN AGAIN....! Just curious if I need to be checking in at the local nuthouse or if this may be normal behavior for other PALS! Take care to all!


Ruth
 
My mom distanced herself emotionally in the first month or so but I believe hers was a depression issue. She became very withdrawn. Her progression was so fast it wasn't really possible for her to distance herself physically as your PALS is doing as it really wasn't safe for her to be alone anywhere, but she would do strange things like hang back several steps behind us when we were out. Once we got her on anti depression meds it made a world of difference. Is your PALS taking anything for depression?
 
I understand the distance although I like to be close to my husband as much as possible personally. I do find myself getting frustrated and sometimes irritated because simple day to day tasks aren't simple any more. And my sweet husband is on a different time schedule than I. Losing independance means doing things someone elses way rather than your own. Maybe rather than being frustrated and irritated with you he distances himself. Guys are a little different than we gals. Just a thought.
 
There are several possibilities that I see here: You could be absolutely right in your assessment. Or he could be having trouble dealing with his diagnosis and be developing some depression around that. OR you could be seeing the early signs of cognitive issues that can come with ALS. Distancing/lack of communication is definitly an early sign. Have you spoken to your husband about the time he is spending out in his shop? That might give you some clues. It could be something as simple to fix as getting some anti-depression meds, but it's definitly something I would document and discuss with his neurologist.
 
I distance myself from friends, mainly because I haven't told many. Like Marta, I get frustrated at not being able to do things I used to do because of weak hands and slurred speech. I stay at home more but I always was a homebody.
I'm more short tempered with people who are not doing their job which is not my nature.
Your not nuts :)
 
He may be trying to make his own memories with "his" things before he can no longer do them. He may be using his man cave as a place to think about life and what you two are dealing with. Its more than difficult to process all of this. He may also be wanting some alone time. If you think about it, as this disease progresses, that alone time goes out the window as someone always needs to be around to make sure he is safe. could be a number of things. try to talk with him about it. but above all, try to be as understanding as possible. good luck
 
bruce did the same thing, he lived in his man cave, every since he had the feeding tube put in, he kinda stays more in the house with me, of course he is usually playing games on the computer.
 
my hub also distanced himself at first--and still does a little--but claims it is us not him! He has gotten better since getting on Nuedexta--he was trying so hard to control his emotions that he could not deal with being part of a family.
 
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