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happy

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I wanted to start a new thread because I have to talk about incredible pain that I am experiencing and I need help.
I had the worst outbreak of whatever I have ever had in my life this last 3 weeks. I did not know how I was gong to survive, I am truly scared. My husband and i have been married for 20 years. He has always been emotionaly abuse withholding care and communication. Blaming me for everthing. This week while I was so sick I endured alone he never talked to me about any of it telling me it was all in my head even thought the dr had referred me to neuro.
Today he is gone he has threaten to kick me out of my home because I have been drinking. I can not hacdle all the pain and suffering. I feel do alone. He has been so mean to me. Talking to my friends ( he has none never has our whole marriage) that I am a drunk and this is all in my head. Honestly I feel like I could really hurt him I am so tierd of hurting. I took him back 2 months ago because he begged me to and now that i am sick he is totaly taking advantage of me. He is planning on taking my children from me. I dont know how I will deal with all of this. I am on a medcical leave of absence from work. This is my second one because my first on set was in June. It is not good. I work for Sutter Medical Center so they have to go through all kinds of stuff to fire me but I am scared. I went and secured an apt for myself for tommorow, but I have never lived without my children. The whole 20 years that wer have been married he has just used me to take care of the house and kids. He admited that to me. But now he is trying to kick me out claiming that I am a determent to the family. I am so lost and confused, He makes me feel like i just want to die I cannot win with him he is too powerful and evil waht do I do. He talks about me behind my back and minimizes my situation and makes me seem like I am crazy. And because his faults are so secret no one see;s the real man,
an evil manipulating prson with tons of hate in his heart.
Please advise
Thank you so much in advance
love and prayers for all
Robin
 

Icanmanz

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Oh, Robin! God bless you! I wish you knew how much I HATE, yes I really Hate to read these type of posts. These type of posts do something to me, they put me in gear! You are married to a jerk! If he is really like that, do something now, before you become immobile. Who needs an "arse" like that? Do you have any family? How old are your children? What kind of work does this "mouse" do? Please keep us posted Robin. I feel for you and delb, you guys have married losers! Get rid of them! You don't need him. God bless you, dear. I will be praying for you!

Irma
 

happy

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He left with my children

Last night he left and stayed the night out with my kids.
He has a way of turning them on me where they believe I am the one who creates all the problems. If mom would just shut up let him have all he needs than everything will be alright.
I have never been on my own I have been married my whole adult life I especiall have not or can not concieve life without my children.
I dont know how I could have chosen such a loser.
My heart is breaking.
All I ever wanted was for someone to love me. I would have done anything for that man.
Thanks for your reply.
Right now my symptoms are tacacardia(sp) my heart is going about 100 beats per minute and I jsut woke up I hope I am going to be okay today.

Sincerely,
Robin
 

Mark

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Robin,

I think it would be helpful to see a psychiatrist for support, therapy, and possibly medication. This approach could help you get through this crisis and figure out how you got here and how to prevent this in the future.

Mark
 

vmd

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I would echo Mark's sentiments. In addition, psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors, can make suggestions about the situation at home with your husband. In other words, they have heard it all before and have the resources to help your situation.
 

CindyM

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These guys are right, Robin. Please find a qualified counselor who can help you sort things out, find the courage to make whatever changes in your life are necessary, and figure out a plan of action in general. And, a plea from your new internet friend, try not to self-medicate with alcohol, OK? There are answers to your situation, trust us! Warmly, Cindy
 

MtPockets

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Robin this is so sad. I hope and pray you find and get a way out of this situation soon.

God Bless
Capt AL
 

happy

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Thank you

Thank you all so much for the advice. I will start looking for someone to talk to tomorrow. I am encouraged. Cindy you are right I am self medicating with the alchol. I have been so scared and alone. It seems to help me forget, what possibly could be the worst news of my life. I am sure lke all of us here, I am not used to being house bound, Normallly I am very active. I love to keep busy and have fun go, go . go. And lately I am a couch potato. I hate it.
But it does take time for the adjustment and I am trying to adapt. I am not a good personality for change. Change is really hard for me.
Love you guys so much. Your better than 10 thousand friends.

Robin
 

CindyM

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Well, I believe you deserve support, and if it cannot come from your family then you must search around until you find it elsewhere. Nobody deserves to feel alone. As for dealing with change, it might hep you to read some of Quadbliss' posts. He says nothing is ever permanent, and when you think about it all life is nothing but change. Adapting might come easier when you find the support you deserve...JMO.
 

Shatzie

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Before my symptoms started, I chose to get a divorce after 17 years of marriage mostly for my health and ultimately survival. I was never the victim of abuse or neglect, but my ex-husband has anger issues stemming from an attempted sexual assault when he was 15. I knew that the only times I felt suicidal was after he got mad at me for the smallest reasons. I went through counseling for four years to deal with my depression and his anger. I always thought that the healthier I became, the better I would be able to handle his anger, but the opposite was true. The healthier I became, the less the new me was willing to put up with this. I knew that I didn't deserve it. One thing I learned is that he can't do sad, he can't handle sad. Because of his abuse, he only has happy and mad. So when he is frustrated, he gets mad. When he is sad, he gets mad. Some of the times that I have needed him the most in life: when I miscarried a baby at 15 weeks, when my grandmother died, when I was seriously suicidal, when I had serious complications after my hysterectomy, instead of supporting me and giving me TLC, he got mad. Although I still love him and would really like to have someone in my life right now, I am not willing to put myself through this especially now that I have been diagnosed with ALS.

Please don't allow yourself to be treated this way. Get help as soon as you can. The stress will make your symptoms worse and when you add drinking to the mix, it could be dangerous.
 

Icanmanz

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Shatzie, you said it si well! Great post! I read your post oh so slowly, trying to absorb every word, and you did so well. I agree with you 100%. Your last paragrah said soooo much in just a few good words. Stress is not good at all when you have Als, and drinking on top of that is like commiting suicide. Alcohol will do a lot of damage. I pray to God our little friend turns to God before she decides to take another drink. I will be praying for her. Thanks Shatzie! God bless!

Irma
 

happy

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I thank god for all of you

I understand about the stress making the symptoms worse. I am so tired and stiff. I decided to go the the chiropractor today and he took some more x-rays of me and said that I have the bones of a 90 year old. He did not understand why my doctor GP after seeing my thenar muscle gone, did not take action alot sooner.
Oh well, my neuro appt is the day after tomorrow.
I am trying desparatly not to drink but at this point I am compulsed with forgetting about the pain and lonliness that I am experiencing.
I had no where to go but thank god my husband had to travel out of town for work he will be gone untill Wed.
Once I can get some clarity about what is going on with my body, because it is totally consuming my every moment. I think I might check my self into rehab. They have a hosp in the Napa valley called St. Helena. It is a medical facility. I dont know I am so confused.
Am I being a big baby? I feel like I am making such a huge deal out of all of this but I just cannot help myself.
I wished to God I could just go back to my life. Work. Gym, work gym every day. I used to think it was so boring and mundane but I would give anything to go back to those days. Forgive me, it's only been a short time and I think I am still in the processing stages of what I am experiencing. And the not knowing is driving me INSANE!
Thanks for your prayers and your continued support.

Robin
 

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Robin,

This IS a huge deal. Hopefully it is a crisis that can lead to positive life changes. This doesn't make you a baby but calling yourself a baby is very harsh and judgmental. I am hopeful that rehab and additional psychotherapy will help you figure out why you treat yourself this way and have accepted similar treatment from your husband all these years. You deserve better!

Mark
 

MtPockets

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OK, where do you go for help during this emotional crisis?
Well, just talking about it here is an excellent start. We all need someone we feel we can get these emotions out in the open with, before we explode with anger, rage, whatever. There are several steps we all go through. For the benefit of the new ones here they are:

1. Denial (Wasn't de-nile a river in Egypt?) :smile:

2. Bargaining (Now that, I can do, give me a good garage sale any day) :mrgreen:

3. Anger (How sweet the rage that rises up for naught. :twisted: For what has it accomplished?) :oops:

4. Depression / Anxiety / Grief (No one comes to my Pity Parties) :sad:

5. Acceptance (And now the healing of the soul and spirit can begin, and peace can be found, if you look hard enough for it)

How have I dealt with having ALS? Well to start with I turned to my faith in God. I talked with those here on the forum as much as I felt I needed to. I also got me a companion, besides my wife, who will listen to any complaints I have and not talk back. See Below:



We all have to work our way, S L O W L Y, through this process. It is not going to happen overnight. Take time to search the posts with the search icon above with subjects that you are having problems with and see how other people have answered these questions. Jump in on any of the topics and add your comments and someone will respond to your needs as best we can find the time.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! :)

There are around 3000 of us on here in various degrees of the process at any given time.

God Bless,
Capt AL
 

CindyM

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This forum continually amazes me, with the support and concern I see complete strangers offer to each other. You should all give yourselves a nice pat on the back for stepping up to help Robin when she reached out.

And Robin, Shatzee and others, give yourselves a nice pat on the back, too, for having the courage to tell perfect strangers your stories. :-D You guys are GREAT!
 
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