Vince,
Thank you for sharing this, it helps me considerably. We too are married 31 years and also went through a rough patch. Our unfortunately happened right prior to diagnosis for my husband. Our problems was more his total and complete attention to the company we own to the exclusion of all else. It may be FTD as i've learned more, but other days I doubt it. I always felt it was the "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" type of thing.
Anyway, we have now been dealing with this monster for almost 12 years, 6 of which have had him on the vent and unable to move, and loss of speach about 9 months ago. At first I was still very touchy, feely with him. However, things I have to admit faded. I think in part being overwhelmed wtih everything. The part I think is bigger is the way he askes for things and this even before losing his voice. It was always do this, do that. Never a please, thank you, would you, could you. Just demands. I've asked over and over for the magic words. He will for a day or two and then gone again. At one time he told me "I'm not going to say thank you for every little thing" I've tried to impress upon him how much those words mean. They help lift someone who is so overwhelmed up just a little, they give us a little air.
From reading your post, I have a feeling they are already there. I agree with those who say flirt, or tell her how much you love her. I sure wish my PALS would. I've tried asking, but get no where. Now true it could be FTD. However, he wasn't always very expressive prior to all of this, so hard to tell sometimes.
As other have mentioned, there are many things we do, that you may not think about and sometimes other things feel like piling on. I still work outside the home to keep our business going and I'm too young to retire. However, all household chores are now mine, no one to share with. Cars getting inspected and up keep goes to me. Advocating, getting meds, calling Dr's, cooking, cleaning, making DH's food (feeding tube), making sure all the supplies we need for his vent etc are in order. While I have nurses, I still have to coordinate all of that, grocery shopping etc. That's only the physical list, along with bathing, meds, feeding, suctioning (things you need done to or for you). Add on the mental stress and strain. At the end of the day I am exhausted and then it takes another 1/2 hour or so for bedtime prep. DH isn't tired as he's been laying in bed all day. I lack proper amount of sleep. What I get is always with an ear open to the vent.
I'm not trying to complain here, I'm just trying to express what you wife may be facing and feeling. It's not that she doesn't love you. I love my husband so very much and as other have said the thought of losing you is very hard. The losses we've already sustained also very hard. However, you have given me a lot to think about and areas where I need to improve and for that I thank you.
I pray you can see some improvement over time. And as others have said, if you do have any movement at all left, reach out and touch her. She will appreciate it very much, even if she doesn't respond at first.
Hugs,
Sue