BlueandGold
Senior member
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
- Messages
- 634
- Reason
- PALS
- Diagnosis
- 04/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- WV
- City
- Sandyville
Hi wonderful CALS. I know I don't belong here as a PALS but I just have to get your opinions as they are the only ones that count on this subject.
My wife and I have been married 31 years. We had a rough patch for a couple of years around our 15th anniversary but it was all worked out. No infedility, nothing like that. Anyway to get to my point, why has our intimacy faded? I'm not referring to sex as that was out the window 2 years ago for medical reasons. But hugs, kisses, stroking hair, the little things that say "I'm still in love with my sweetheart". I miss my wife's touch so very bad and every day that goes by I know I'm closer to never touching her again.
What she does for me right now:
Prepares and gives morning meds
Helps me take a shower and dry off
Blends me meals in the Vitamix
Gives me my evening meds
I know that's a lot but I do everything else for myself. I'm not a demanding man, never have been. In our 31 years, if there was ever something she wanted and I had a way to get it, it was in her hands as soon as possible. I love her so very much. However for at least the last 9 or 10 months she is simply my home health aid. I get no affection. I would love to be awakened by a soft kiss on my forehead instead of dishes clanging in the kitchen as she prepares my meds. When she is helping me shower, instead of a marathon "scrub off" in 2 minutes why not be gentle and after rinsing me off give me a light kiss on the back of the neck. When drying me off, wrap that towel around me and give me a 30 second hug. 30 seconds. Is that too much to ask? And at the end of the day when she gives me my evening meds, why not crawl up in bed with me for 15 minutes, snuggle against my back and rest her hand on my heart and know I'm still alive.
I'm so very lonely and hurt but I fear bringing any of this up for fear it might make things worse. I don't want to make her feel guilty. But I seriously only have months left according to my doc. This is it. Our last time to spend together. Should I bring this up or let it be? You guys are the CALS. Please chime in.
Vince
My wife and I have been married 31 years. We had a rough patch for a couple of years around our 15th anniversary but it was all worked out. No infedility, nothing like that. Anyway to get to my point, why has our intimacy faded? I'm not referring to sex as that was out the window 2 years ago for medical reasons. But hugs, kisses, stroking hair, the little things that say "I'm still in love with my sweetheart". I miss my wife's touch so very bad and every day that goes by I know I'm closer to never touching her again.
What she does for me right now:
Prepares and gives morning meds
Helps me take a shower and dry off
Blends me meals in the Vitamix
Gives me my evening meds
I know that's a lot but I do everything else for myself. I'm not a demanding man, never have been. In our 31 years, if there was ever something she wanted and I had a way to get it, it was in her hands as soon as possible. I love her so very much. However for at least the last 9 or 10 months she is simply my home health aid. I get no affection. I would love to be awakened by a soft kiss on my forehead instead of dishes clanging in the kitchen as she prepares my meds. When she is helping me shower, instead of a marathon "scrub off" in 2 minutes why not be gentle and after rinsing me off give me a light kiss on the back of the neck. When drying me off, wrap that towel around me and give me a 30 second hug. 30 seconds. Is that too much to ask? And at the end of the day when she gives me my evening meds, why not crawl up in bed with me for 15 minutes, snuggle against my back and rest her hand on my heart and know I'm still alive.
I'm so very lonely and hurt but I fear bringing any of this up for fear it might make things worse. I don't want to make her feel guilty. But I seriously only have months left according to my doc. This is it. Our last time to spend together. Should I bring this up or let it be? You guys are the CALS. Please chime in.
Vince