I am trying to get my mother into either a Hospice or nursing home. You don't know how many times I have heard, "Well, if your mother were to get better and be able to walk on her own............" "If your mother takes a turn for the better................."
I am not trying to dash the hopes of anyone truly FIGHTING this, and I believe a TRUE FIGHT can be won, to at least some extent.
But, heck, don't people know what ALS is? My mother isn't going to get better and walk on her own!
Does anyone know what I mean? Doesn't Hospice know this is fatal and my mother likely won't "improve and get better?"
What the heck?
I had the same conversation with the case worker for a foundation that is supposed to help with medical expenses. This guy has another ALS patient, too, in his caseload, so he should know better, but during our interview he kept making remarks about maybe there would be improvements in my symptoms.
I said, "You realize this is ALS we're talking about. This is a fatal disease. The symptoms are not going to go away. It's not going to get better." He said, "I was trying to help you be optomistic." I said, "Optomistic about what? That they'll suddenly discover that it's NOT a fatal disease after all? That's not an option for me. I have to face reality."
(Of course, I was saying all this with a Light/Writer and my garbled speech.
)
I think for people like this caseworkers, who DO know what ALS means, they're so scared of it, they're scared to talk to patients, too. It's the way people used to deal with cancer ... never mention it and just pretend the patient doesn't have it. They used to use all these euphamisms ... "the Big C," ... so-and-so died "after a long illness."
Facing reality doesn't mean you've given up, or that you don't treasure every second of every day you're alive. It does mean acknowledging what this diagnosed means and living life as fully as possible while learning to cope with increasing difficulties.
I hope I got through to the caseworker that it is OK to acknowledge the seriousness of the disease, and that he doesn't have to pretend for my benefit that things will improve.
Lord, if hospice workers don't understand the implications of ALS, we're all in deeper doo-doo than I thought!
Good luck on finding a solution for your mother. She is blessed to have you helping.
BethU