Dealing with teens

[anneinma]

I hope I'm on the right forum. I had a tearful conversation with my 17 yr. old daughter tonight. She had become fond of a boy and finally told him about her Dad passing in April. He (boy) couldn't cope and totally dumped her. She is devastated. Has anyone had any experience with this? My daughter is not the kind of person who will go to counseling or a support group. I am her support when she'll talk to me.

 

[CindyM]

I think you are on the right forum. Did your daughter's Dad die of ALS? Whatever the reason, somebody around here has probably had a similar experience. I bet you will get a lot of ideas on how to help her cope. Cindy

 

[anneinma]

Yes my husband and my daughter's Dad died of ALS in April. It was very sudden. She (my daughter) was on a school trip to Europe at the time. My husband had been diagnosed less than a year. I think he stopped breathing.

She is having more trouble coping than I had realized. We are both trying to be troopers of course.

 

[fiddleplayer51]

Hello Anne,
I'm so sorry for the sense of not quite knowing what to do or say that you are experiencing with your daughter. Having raised three girls I can relate to the sporadic willingness of your daughter to communicate. Sometimes they open up and sometimes they don't. Of course, as time goes on, I'm sure your 17-year old will communicate more, and it could be that she can't at present articulate how she is feeling and needs to mull it over for an indefinite period of time before she is ready to express her feelings. She may not even know what she's feeling.
Is it possible for the two of you to go off somewhere away from the immediacy of home with its ever-present reminders of father/husband? Getting away sometimes helps us clarify our feelings. Often it's helpful if the area we retreat to is a neutral area that has no connection with our loved one. Sometimes the opposite is true, and it's more helpful to visit an area that was a favorite place to go with our loved one. Your daughter may be able to talk about what's on her mind if she can get away from where her father died for a while. She may need to step outside the immediacy of home for a while so she can begin to collect her thoughts.
It's too bad about the boy that dumped her. That certainly doesn't help matters.
Good luck, Anne. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Take care and blessings to you both.
Jane

 

[anneinma]

Thank you Jane. 17 is such a tough age! Unfortuantely, I don't think my daughter would want to leave right now. She has a summer job that she loves and has many friends who are being supportive. I am thinking that towards the end of summer we may take a trip to look at colleges. She would probably enjoy that.

I didn't really expect anyone to have answers for me. I just needed to "vent" having seen my daughter upset and really being unable to do anything.

Thanks again.

 

[anneinma]

Jane,

I took your suggestion and passed by my daughter us going to visit colleges at the end of summer. She is very open to that idea so that will probably help. Thank you.

 

[fiddleplayer51]

That's great that your daughter has a summer job she loves and supportive friends. It's nice too that she is open to possibly visiting colleges at the end of summer.
How well I remember the tearful conversations and boyfriend woes! Plus your daughter has so recently experienced the loss of her father.
17 is definitely a tough age regardless of circumstances. She's lucky to have a mother like you and you're lucky to have a daughter who opens up to you when she feels like it.
Good luck to you both. It's a tough summer for both of you and I wish you well.
All good wishes,
Jane

 

[Al]

Sounds like she was lucky to find out what a jerk he was before she wasted too much time on him. A view from a father that has a daughter who was once 17.
AL.

 

[anneinma]

Thank you Al. I think her Dad would have said the same thing.