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Just wanted to share my situation with others to see if you have had similar experiences. Dad is having ALS for almost a year now and his speech is now barely understandable. He gets quite angry because we cannot understand him. He screams the second time when we cannot understand the first time which only causes him more discomfort like cough. Now he was never a person with good positive attitude. Even in his healthy days he was a man of low self esteem and it was a habbit for him to take out his frustrations on people close to him like mom or his children for quite flimsy reasons. He had a habbit of talking a lot (mostly negative). We are quite used to those idiosyncrasies of his. But now because of this disease he is getting increasingly upset with himself and others. He is obviously depressed which only causes him more discomfort.
We try to be as patient as possible with him but it is saddening to see his go down physically and psychologically. But what can we do other than just bite the bullet and try to love him even if he says something that hurts us.
 

hope

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Oct 1, 2005
Messages
230
What sometimes may seem like low self-esteem may not be. Sometimes depression or hurt feelings can make one seem angry all the time. It may be possible that your father was not able to express is inner feelings and lashed out to try and deal with pain deep within. I would say keep showing him lots of love and understanding. He is not angry with you, he is angry with the illness and feeling helpless. We as family or friends can walk away for briefs periods and cope with the frustration, like go for a walk, talk to a friend, do things but when someone is ill it is hard, they cannot walk away from the horrible disease and pain it makes them feel. My words of advice would be to just say to your loved one, I know you are angry and upset but I love you and I am here for you. I will not walk away from you. Just love them.

hope.
 

jbaiza

Member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
22
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
11/2005
Country
US
State
IL
City
Plainfield
I know what you are going through honey...my mom has als and has no use of her legs, her right arm, and her right neck muscles are giving out...she is also having problems with her speech...she has depression, bipolar disorder and OCD so she is mean to us and nice to her caregiver...i know she doesn't mean it when she's mean to my sister my dad and i, but it still hurts...I try and put myself in her position though if i couldn't walk, or brush my own teeth, let alone have a normal conversation everyday I would be grouchy too...but again it still hurts...keep in touch with me,, i was always taught to be the bigger person take a step back realize its not you, and try to reestablish yourself into the situation otherwise when you need a break take it...XOXO
 

BarryG

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
2,981
Diagnosis
02/2008
Country
CA
State
Alberta
City
Hinton
Oh man, do I know how your dad feels! My speech has gotten to the point where it takes a lot of effort and repitition on my part and a lot of concentration on the part of others for anything I say to be understood. I have become very frustrated at times and as a result have become angry at myself and others, especially my family. I am lucky that I have a wife who tells me what I need to hear and doesn't let me get away with being an ass. I am also lucky that I have always been (at least I think) a fairly calm, easygoing person so my anger is shortlived and easily forgotten. My strategy has been, if they don't get it the second time, write it down or use a speech device. In fact, I am using my speech device first more often now as it saves everyone a lot of trouble. I don't know if your dad has one or is even willing to use one but if he doesn't he should, it's not the same as talking but it's the best that there is right now.

I have not really had much experience with depression in my life but it has been hard in the last two years. All I can say is, stick with it and even though your dad may say hurtful things I'm sure he does love you and you have to be tough and love him back. Whenever you need to talk, we're here.

Barry
 
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