Dad is really sick right now

[califsand]

I didn't go see my Dad for a couple of days because my brother finally got back to town and I needed a break. Last night I checked in with my brother and he told me that Dad was doing really badly, non-responsive and slept the whole time he was there. I called & spoke to the Hospice staff who told me that he had discolored phlem & a fever so they had been suctioning and medicating him with tylenol & trying to cool him off. Tonight when I went they told me he was sick all day today as well. I touched him and he was hot. The wet washcloth on his forehead was still damp but hot where it was touching him. He was lethargic, gave me a smile when I got there but not much else during my visit. He's gotten sick before but always pulls out of it. He hasn't gotten to where his phlem is discolored or where he has had a sustaining fever though. He has told me many times in the past that he doesn't want antibiotics and that when he gets sick like this to let it take its course, even if it takes him with it.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm sad & worried but it's subdued, almost numb... is that how I will feel when he goes, numb?

 

[elliekusa]

I am so sorry your Dad is feeling so bad. Please know that whatever you feel is okay. You will go through MANY emotions and just remember that we are here for you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Ellie

 

[brendapals]

Sandy,

Bless your heart. There's no way to know how you will feel when your Dad is gone. You might be numb, you might feel a sense of relief that he is no longer suffering, no one really knows. I hope it helps to know that many people are praying for you and your Dad.
I know it's hard to know what or how to feel. Thank goodness you got a few days of rest. Your Dad knows you were there to visit him, it's ok to feel numb, just make sure you get some good rest.
My thoughts and prayers remain with you,
Keep the faith, always,
brenda

 

[califsand]

Thanks you guys. I talked to one of my brothers last night for a while and got rid of some of the numbness... he said that my initial lack of emotion freaked him out because I'm a sentimental & passionate person. I think that the constant roller coaster of emotions really throws me off though. We have had so many illness, close calls, Dr's predicting he would only last a few days and then he improves and hangs in there for another year... more close calls lately of course, he truly is in the final stages. But it seems that every time we prepare ourselves for the worst, he stabilizes & improves and then it's like I feel guilty for mentally preparing myself for losing him. There certainly is no right or predictable way to react, and it's out of my hands anyways. For the most part I have learned to live with the roller coaster... it's the knot of dread in my belly that gets to me most lately.

I want to be there when he dies. I think that is what is getting to me the most, not knowing when that will happen and fear that I will be at work or out doing something or sleeping... so I don't do anything except for work. I make sure that I am always within 10 minutes of him right now. I make sure I have my phone with me and I have reception wherever I am. It's just how it is. Speaking of, guess I should get to work... don't really want to go but I'm used to that too, every day I have to force myself and though sometimes I cave in and stay home, I've been trying to do better and go no matter how badly I don't want to.

 

[Icanmanz]

So sorry about your dad califsand. Wish I had the time for a few comforting words, but I have to be at the doc's in 1 hour. He wants me to come in to discuss the results of my tests. Am praying for you guys. My days have been very, very gloomy, too. Not much posting, or internetting! My computer stays on, and I take a peek every now and then. Okay, gotta to docs, so he can give me "whatever" news. Will keep you guys updated! I am prepared to face whatever the doc tells me. My brothers, sisters and my son are concerned, but I told them let's not worry about it until we are told what the problem is, and then, it's going to be a different story. Take care of yourself, and hugs and prayers to Dad. God bless!

Irma

 

[CindyM]

Hello Sandy- the hospice website has a great booklet that you can download that will help all of you deal with your Dad's last days, when they come along. I say "when" because, like you, I hope he pulls through again.

We will help, too. Some CALS have posted wonderful things about their PALS at this stage. You are not alone.

As for your question about how you will react - I guess you won't know that until the end of this journey. Stay strong for yourself and your Dad. You guys sound like a great family! Hugs, Cindy

 

[JACKIEMAX]

Your Dad Has Pneumonia

I Feel Strongly Reading Your Post That Your Dad Has Developed Pneumonia
At This Point. My Husband Was Dx Jan. 07, And Is Bedfast Now Since X-mas
Of This Year, And They Doctors And Hospice Nurses Have Warned That His
Imminent Death Would Most Likely Be From Pneumonia Due To Laying In
Bed So Much.

He Does Cough Up Phlegm Now, But So Far It Is Clear. However, I Do Know
Pneumonia Is Probably Coming Soon. His Doctor Does Not Feel He Can''survive A Bout Of It, But His Living Will Requires Them To Treat It Only One Time, And One Time Only.

Just Let Your Emotions Go Where They Will. God Will Be With You Every
Step Of The Way.

Jackiemax

 

[freddiesnetty]

Have to agree

I would have to agree sounds like pneumonia to me also..........I hope things get better, I have been praying for your family.........Hugs to all!
netty

 

[califsand]

Yeah, he's had pnuemonia for a while but these symptoms are more severe with the fever and bad smell to the phlem. I'm hoping for him that it is time, he can't move, can't digest most of his nutrition anymore and there really is only a small measure of life quality. He's a tough fighter but at this point, what is he fighting for? It breaks my heart to see him so sick and helpless. I don't want to lose him but know it's coming and I'm as ready for it as I will ever be, because it hurts so much to see him this way. I figure I will be going every day and not taking any days off, no matter how tired it makes me... no regrets, that's the goal.

 

[Debbie54]

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I am like you I get upset really easy. When Matt chokes I cry. I will keep Your Dad and your family in my prayers. God Bless you All! Hug,Debbie

 

[freddiesnetty]

God will help you through this time.............I know how you feel my mother suffered horribly with lung cancer and died at home, she ended up weighing around 30 pounds at her death....I truly think of you everyday and am praying for God to take away some of the pain.....I do not always post like I used to, I have a three ring circus going on here........I am the sole caretaker of my husband and he has been on his back for going on 2 months. The insurance company was dragging on the chair..........aarrgghhh.....They told me today though that it was going to be approved per talk with Dr. Appel. If you google him Freddie Everett, you will see that he is a well known musician. So I did throw out some media involvement, and that did make things happen, even though that is soo sad for the average Joe. People do not get how devastating this disease is. We are in the midst of starting an ALS resource foundation, Rock 4 A Cure. Well I hope the best for you and your family... Do know that the people on here are praying for you as well. I love them all....
Sincerely,
Annette Everett

 

[brooksea]

Sandy,

Please know that you've been the best daughter your Dad could have. You are supporting him in his most time of need.

Thinking of you and your father...

 

[CindyM]

My htoughts are with you today, Sandy. Hugs, Cindy

 

[Al]

Hi Sandy. Maybe he just needs to hear you say he doesn't have to hang on for your sake anymore.

AL.

 

[califsand]

I can't tell him that Al. I keep trying but can't do it... my sister in law is now only 6 weeks from her due date, time is flying by. He is heavily medicated and seems to be adjusting to it so he is not as sedated, he actually smiled while we watched tv together tonight. I know that is still his goal. I go see him and he stares at the ultrasound picture of the baby until I pull it down and let him look at it close up. I can't tell him to let go... even though sometimes I really want to.

I wish that every moment didn't feel so hard right now, like every minute is a choice.