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Jomaine

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Joined
May 21, 2012
Messages
2
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CALS
Diagnosis
06/2011
Country
US
State
Ca
City
San rafael
Hi,
I am new here. My husband was diagnosed almost a hear ago. Now is almost confined to a wheelchair. I am 68 and he is 73. Today I got angry and yelled at him. I feel terribly guilty, and he says I am guilty of abuse to a helpless victim. I spend all my time trying to make him comfortable, cook his favorite foods' etc. I know I shouldn't get angry, but sometimes I just feel like his servant. I love him more than anything, but I am so discouraged. Has anyone else. Ever lost their temper at their ALS loved one?
 

LizT

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Aug 8, 2010
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Lost a loved one
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State
WI
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Beaver Dam
Please do not be hard on yourself. Yes... the majority of us have gotten angry and lost our tempers... ALOT
Keep in mind that your husband isnt the only one going thru this. And to be blunt- your hubby had no right to say that to you. you do everything for him and he should appreciate that. Wonder if he would lose his temper if the tables turned?
Just because someone has ALS, it doesnt give them the go ahead to do as they please and treat people poorly. Do you have any help with him?
 

sadiemae

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Joined
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2,527
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09/2009
Country
US
State
NV
City
Reno
Yes. Saturday night. I try to not argue but every once in awhile I can not take his mean attitude and Put downs and so give it right back to him. He deserved it and your husband probably did too. We can not be saints all the time. I always apogize after. He has also apogized once or twice.
 

Miss

Very helpful member
Joined
Apr 11, 2010
Messages
1,781
Reason
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In the Land of Cotton
City
Way Down South
Absolutely! More times than I can beging to count.
 

panguinjen

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Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
529
Reason
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Country
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Stockton
Yes, I've lost my temper, like all of us. You are his wife, not his servant and unfortunately you have to deal with this disease as well. Tomorrow is a new day for you both!

Jen
 

Pandora

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Joined
Apr 30, 2011
Messages
130
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
01/2011
Country
US
State
Texas
City
Crowley
Yep. Sure did! It is a hard thing to be a caregiver. I used to get tired, upset, frazzled, you name it. I even yelled. Did you ever yell at him B4 he was sick? Im sure you did, we all have. Just chalk it up and move on. This road is full of bumps for the both of you, gotta roll with the punches and get over the small stuff. The sun will come up and the new day will start. :) Dont worry, its all normal. :)
 

Danijela

Senior member
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
667
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2008
Country
UK
State
UK
City
Bolton
Yes. When he pushes me too far, when he can see my hands are full and I am about to faint with exhaustion and yet asks for something to be done 'there and then', something irrelevant that can usually wait. Also, when he obsesses about himself and his needs ( I know ALS it tough), and disregards everybody else (me, our son).

I tend to challenge behaviours that I would find unacceptable if he did not have ALS. I accept limitations, but if I am making mega efforts to accommodate him, I expect something back.
Dani
 

rachelg

Distinguished member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
226
Diagnosis
05/2009
Country
UK
State
Somerset
City
Yeovil
Yep! When I'm tired and wobbly and need just 5 minutes break and a demand is made that could have waited those 5 minutes.
 

Bella77

Active member
Joined
Jun 16, 2011
Messages
36
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
06/2011
Country
US
State
Michigan
City
Fenton
Same thing here, hes always been a spoiled brat and at 76 he still is. he's got to change his ways or I'll be the only one left and I can't do much. You can't belittle people and then want them to accomidate your every whim, or fix some machinery for you and get mad if it's not done exactly the way you would have done it. And don't sit on the tractor looking down on someone fixing a problem and tap them on their head to tell them their not doing it right while your drooling on them! Not a good thing to do!
 

caldona

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Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
402
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
01/2007
Country
US
State
Ar
City
Mtn. Home
Ask your husband if he knows someone that can do better than you do or that will do the things you do.
Yes, I think if we told the truth we would all say we have been there. I didn't use to cry so much but now I can cry at nothing which really upsets my husband.He says it makes his chest hurt but with us we don't stay angry.
I like for my husband to go have coffee anything to get him out side. He now carries a baby monitor out side now .
Now do I think it would be different if he had this yes I really think he would not want me to be gone very long
 

joni51

Senior member
Joined
Sep 8, 2010
Messages
992
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
10/2010
Country
US
State
Al
City
Valley
Yep just last night, it was a war to get him to use the nebulizer, as he is congested. We all do it because we are human..
 

HelenL

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Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
1,602
Reason
PALS
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US
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MA
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Southborough
I'm not a caregiver, but I would certainly EXPECT you to get angry at the patient... he's your husband! After all, their quirks and stubbornness probably drove you crazy before he got ill, why should you be treated like a King (or Queen, in my case) just because you need a lot of extra help? If I get too demanding, I WANT to be told off! Well, probably not really, but I would hope that whoever is doing their 110% taking care of me should be treated well, and that includes from me.

We're all only human, none of us are perfect, least of all us PALS.
 

Barbie

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
2,681
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
01/2007
Country
US
State
FL
City
orlando
He's been sick a year and yesterday you yelled at him for the first time? Oh My--you are a saint! I get fmad on a regular basis--just like a normal wife even though I am anything but...

ALS does not just affect him--you are being affected too and it is hard not to feel like just a servant. that is a common complaint of mine also and usually what we argue about.

hang in there. give him a kiss, explain how you feel, say you are sorry and ask him to say sorry too!
 

vzandt

Senior member
Joined
Nov 12, 2011
Messages
582
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
04/2010
Country
US
State
N.H.
City
Noneknown
Yep, I get angry and yell and feel guilty. and I got angry and yelled before als, but then I didnt feel guilty. lol
 

Katie C

Very helpful member
Joined
Aug 1, 2009
Messages
1,563
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2009
Country
US
State
CA
City
San Jose
Oh honey... you bet I got angry. One day I had a big acrylic water glass in my hand... he said something really out of line, I no longer even remember what it was. I chucked that water glass... at the wall! The dent in the sheet rock is still there and will always remain as a testament to the fact that I maintained enough control to not chuck it at Glen. Being a caregiver is brutal. If there are any cognitive issues, it's even worse... there are studies that show that caregivers for dementia patients burn out at double the rate of other caregivers. Be good to yourself, and give yourself permission to forgive both of you and move on.
 
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