caregiver issues

[jpsugar123]

My mom was diagnosed with ALS in May 2008. She has since lost all mobility except eye movement. She's on a feeding tube/vent/catheter. Up until this week everything was going well. The family as well as nurses were taking care of her. I definitely did my fair share of helping my mom because I wanted to and out of pure love for her. Before I vent, I wanted to let you know I am 31yrs old My entire family(father, sister, aunt,uncle) spent Easter bashing me and my husband. This week my aunt lashed out at me telling me I am not helping enough(I work fulltime at a private school where teachers help run all the duties at the school along with classroom duties). I clean their house, take total care of my mom's beauty/bathing needs, shave her legs, shop for my parents, go to the library and check out audio books for my mom, bring over DVDs to watch with her, do the laundry, take care of my parents' dog, etc. My aunt accused me and told me that the entire family thinks I am selfish and I do not do anything to help out with my mom. I spend all day Saturdays with her as well. In the summer when I am not teaching, I do all of the above, plus take care of her 5 days a week. I also take care of my parents' yard! My aunt yelled at me because I had to do a 5 day summer camp last summer as part of my master's degree in education. My aunt also told me that I am dead to her. She said that my MOTHER said it was OK that she yelled at me the other day?!? My aunt also told me I should just move to where my husband's family lives. I just feel totally blind-sided by my family's horrific behavior. I then informed my father that I am taking a "time-out" from the entire family and that maybe they will all realize how much I did do out of LOVE for my mother.

 

[irismarie]

Poor dear friend! You only have to glance around the forum here to see how many families really hurt us. It sounds as though you are doing all you can. It is probably a good thing to tke tims ou from the family but dont include your mom in that, of course..........
QYou are not alone. This illness brings out either the best or the worst in people, it seems. But we are always here to listen and to soothe when we can
Love
IRismarie

 

[indigosd]

Oh, the Monkey's need to visit your Aunty and practice their Tazaaar skills on her! Take deep breaths. It sounds like you are such a loving and wonderful daughter. You have done sooooo much. REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYONE TO DEFINE YOUR REALITY or your being! Personally, it sounds like the "Aunt" is lashing out at you because SHE FEELS GUILTY for not doing her fair share of the care. Sending you courage and hugs from the Prairie! Kay Marie

 

[sharona]

My God I don't know how you do all that you do & still work, Tell that Aunt to take a hike.You have to take care of you & your husband too.God Bless
Sharon

 

[jpsugar123]

Thank you for your kindness, love, and support! The unfortunate part is that while I am taking a "time out" from my family (they pretty much don't like me anyways) I won't be able to see Mom. My aunt's daughter works at a hospital with all of my mom's nurses so she's been telling them what a "no good" I am for the past year. It just seems everyone is against me except for my wonderful, loving husband and his family and a few friends of mine. I'd like to think that they feel that they are not doing enough and are projecting that on me. The only thing keeping from moving away to the West Coast where my in-laws live (and want us desperately to move out there) is Mom. Now because of all my aunt's yelling and family's talking poorly of me, Mom wants to go on hospice meaning if she gets sick/pneumonia she will refuse treatment and die. My dad is all for hospice. I feel if we ditch my aunt then my mom, dad, sister, and I can begin a path towards healing. OK I'll stop rambling, lol.

 

[wanda brittle]

do what you think you have to do. when it is time to make dession you will make it. dont let your family take what time you have with your mother. take care.

 

[LauraW]

Oh, man. I just hate it when family acts that way. It is bad enough that you have to deal with what this disease has done to your Mom. Your Aunt has no right to bash you like that. I would write her a letter telling her how you feel....you don't have to send it but it might make you feel better. Instead of hurting you she should be asking what she can do to help! UGGGG!

 

[sadiemae]

The letter writing, and not sending is so helpful. My mother disowned me 10 yrs ago(I am 52) when my husband and I reconciled after a 1 yr separation. I called in tears after his DX, and she told me she wasn't surprised," he deserved it." HUGS Lori