cheerleader
Senior member
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2013
- Messages
- 979
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 08/2012
- Country
- US
- State
- Midwest
- City
- Small town
In the short time since my husband's death, have learned much. Sharing it is cathartic in the grieving process, and hope it will be helpful to others. Some things will not apply to everyone- since we were vacationing out of state when he died but.....for what it's worth, will share it anyhow. This post will deal ONLY with the immediate burial issues. More later on all the practical, day to day stuff. Refer to the ideas in "CALS - what to do along this journey" for additional ideas. I include some costs because, unfortunately, they are a reality we have to deal with.
Okay. Your PALS is now free of the bonds of this monster ALS. Hopefully, you have made decisions together about what your PALS wants. If not, you have many options:
Cremation, burial, donating to medical research, organ donation (thanks Igelb)
Because we chose cremation, here is what I discovered about the cremation process.
1. It took 13 days because a medical examiner had to certify the death, death certificates had to be issued, etc. maybe less time in other places. We also had thanksgiving holiday which added to the time. The hospital ( in our case, a VA hospital) arranged for the pick up by the funeral home we requested. It is my understanding Hospice will make the calls as well.
2. Two forms of death certificates. Long form lists the cause of death, short does not. Some places require an original, others will take copies. Each original cost $9, but you want to be sure you have enough as they are more difficult to obtain later. Unless you have a lot of really involved finances, 5 long, 1 short should be ample and copies usually run 25 cents.
3. Knowing ahead of time what you/your loved one want will save you a lot of money. Even ethical funeral homes will encourage you to go bigger and better. And when you are grieving, hard not to be swayed! Because my husband wanted his ashes scattered, we didn't need a fancy urn, and because the only viewing was by us, there was no need for "a special viewing room", etc. Another thing to keep in mind if you go this route is the ashes can be divided. My hubby chose some here in Florida, some at our
home. The funeral home will divide these for you into separate bags within a single box.
If you are choosing burial of the ashes, you will need to arrange for that with your cemetery, as well as for a marker or gravestone.
4. If you need to travel with these, check airline restrictions. Some require them in checked luggage, others like Southwest require you to carry them on. Some may require the death certificate so, carry one with you.
5. Ask the funeral home for a checklist of things to attend to. Some will provide this as a helpful guide. (Ours did not, so I'm learning by doing!)
6. Write the obituary. Most newspapers publish a death notice for free. A regular obituary is usually priced by the #of words/letters. Our daughters had written a basic one ahead of time and found a great picture to go with and it was a big help to me as a starting point to turn it into my tribute of love to him. Again, be prepared for sticker shock. An average length obit will run over $500.
7. In both our home state and here, the basic cost of cremation is about $1900. Be prepared though, as there are lots of add ons- cremation container, container for ashes, fees for the medical examiner and those death certificates.
8. If your PALs was a vet, some things are reimbursible. Keep your receipts and check with your VA rep or PVA rep. You will have lots of forms to fill out regarding these.
Because I could not return home right away ( sadly, our house was totally torn up- being remodeled for handicap accessibility) we had to postpone a service. In retrospect, think it was the best way for MY family. It is giving us time to shed our tears, make a video of his life, not be as rushed in finalizing the obituary, choose a time that works for family needing to travel, coordinating with our church, etc. and hopefully since we are not totally in the"shock" stage of grief, this can truly be a celebration of his life. Think that is one of the advantages to cremation, that the immediacy of a funeral isn't there. ( THIS IS NOT a recommendation for others- it is just working with our circumstances!)
Sure our past CALS will add to this with ideas if you choose something other than cremation.
Donna
Okay. Your PALS is now free of the bonds of this monster ALS. Hopefully, you have made decisions together about what your PALS wants. If not, you have many options:
Cremation, burial, donating to medical research, organ donation (thanks Igelb)
Because we chose cremation, here is what I discovered about the cremation process.
1. It took 13 days because a medical examiner had to certify the death, death certificates had to be issued, etc. maybe less time in other places. We also had thanksgiving holiday which added to the time. The hospital ( in our case, a VA hospital) arranged for the pick up by the funeral home we requested. It is my understanding Hospice will make the calls as well.
2. Two forms of death certificates. Long form lists the cause of death, short does not. Some places require an original, others will take copies. Each original cost $9, but you want to be sure you have enough as they are more difficult to obtain later. Unless you have a lot of really involved finances, 5 long, 1 short should be ample and copies usually run 25 cents.
3. Knowing ahead of time what you/your loved one want will save you a lot of money. Even ethical funeral homes will encourage you to go bigger and better. And when you are grieving, hard not to be swayed! Because my husband wanted his ashes scattered, we didn't need a fancy urn, and because the only viewing was by us, there was no need for "a special viewing room", etc. Another thing to keep in mind if you go this route is the ashes can be divided. My hubby chose some here in Florida, some at our
home. The funeral home will divide these for you into separate bags within a single box.
If you are choosing burial of the ashes, you will need to arrange for that with your cemetery, as well as for a marker or gravestone.
4. If you need to travel with these, check airline restrictions. Some require them in checked luggage, others like Southwest require you to carry them on. Some may require the death certificate so, carry one with you.
5. Ask the funeral home for a checklist of things to attend to. Some will provide this as a helpful guide. (Ours did not, so I'm learning by doing!)
6. Write the obituary. Most newspapers publish a death notice for free. A regular obituary is usually priced by the #of words/letters. Our daughters had written a basic one ahead of time and found a great picture to go with and it was a big help to me as a starting point to turn it into my tribute of love to him. Again, be prepared for sticker shock. An average length obit will run over $500.
7. In both our home state and here, the basic cost of cremation is about $1900. Be prepared though, as there are lots of add ons- cremation container, container for ashes, fees for the medical examiner and those death certificates.
8. If your PALs was a vet, some things are reimbursible. Keep your receipts and check with your VA rep or PVA rep. You will have lots of forms to fill out regarding these.
Because I could not return home right away ( sadly, our house was totally torn up- being remodeled for handicap accessibility) we had to postpone a service. In retrospect, think it was the best way for MY family. It is giving us time to shed our tears, make a video of his life, not be as rushed in finalizing the obituary, choose a time that works for family needing to travel, coordinating with our church, etc. and hopefully since we are not totally in the"shock" stage of grief, this can truly be a celebration of his life. Think that is one of the advantages to cremation, that the immediacy of a funeral isn't there. ( THIS IS NOT a recommendation for others- it is just working with our circumstances!)
Sure our past CALS will add to this with ideas if you choose something other than cremation.
Donna
