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New member
May 27, 2007
my brother received a feeding tube 2 days ago. I am curious as to how long people have once they get a feeding tube. He can no longer talk and chokes all the time. We have been trying desperately to get him removed from his wife because of his daily abuse and neglect. APS has been called numerous times to no avail. He goes 8 days without a bath and she withholds his meds from him. He was getting his dinner at 11:30 PM. She is horrible. The Pastor and a psychologist are aware of the severity of his abuse. She has even told him to hurry and die. One minute he says he is ready to leave but the next he wants to stay for the sake of his children. His wife refuses to cook or clean. She laughs at him when he cries out in hunger. We as a family are totally lost. We want him here with us. I do not think he has more than a few months left. Last year at this time he was walking and talking. He is going rapidly. If anyone has advice please pass it on to me. Thanks!
Hi TanaLea- I see this is your first post. I am sorry for what is happening to your family and I know others will jump in soon with lots of advice. We have guite a few caregivers on this forum (they call themselves CALS.) I am sure you will get lots of good ideas from our CALS.

One thing that would help is if you could tell us what country or region you are in. Services differ from state to state.

My first suggestion is to get the help of a social worker. Is your brother a patient of an ALS clinic? Hopefully you live where one is available. A social worker might also be found at your local Hospice-again depending upon your area. Your family needs and deserves support. Please keep in touch! Cindy
Thanks, Cindi for replying. We are in Dallas, TX. I am not sure if he is part of an ALS clinic for his wife keeps us out of alot of he information. He does see a doctor once in awhile. He had 5 previous appointments to have the feeding tube put in place and his wife canceled them all. My husband had to drive to their house and bang on the bedroom window so she would have to wake up. I have to run for now but will post again later. Thanks!

If you can't find out about the ALS clinic your brother may be going to in order to contact the social worker there, try contacting the ALS Association in Dallas. They may be able to go to your brother's house to evaluate his needs.

I know our ALS Assoc. has intervened between caregiver and patient before, only the patient was abusing the caregiver. lol.

Anyway, I would definitely get in touch with the Dallas chapter of ALS. They can help you as well in understanding the disease and what you may be able to do to help him.

Hi TanaLea, it is good to know you and your brother are near some help.

If your sister-in-law is too depressed to cope then I'd see if Texas offers any in-home care for ALS patients. A feeding tube requires extra attention and care, so you may need to become his advocate and learn what needs to be done and when.

If depression is not her issue then I'm puzzled why she is so mean to him. Could it be some mental health issues or substance abuse on her part? Either way you and your siblings need to take charge. You've got a big job ahead of you! Keep us informed and write back with any questions. There is a lot of expertise on this board! Cindy
If you know this abuse is going on, I suggest you contact the local police department. This would probably qualify under a domestic abuse statute and if they could evaluate your brother's wife, they might find she needs mental health treatment. Many departments have specially trained crisis intervention officers who are able to do field evaluations for emergency orders of detention.
Brother with Feeding Tube

When my brother lived in WV, I called the local DHR and had them go out there. Thats one of the ways he ended up in Alabama. His wife has CP and couldn't take care of him and he has elderly inlaws(which are wonderful people). He couldn't get help. I had to do what I had to do. Then his Doctor called me and told me he comes to Alabama or a State facility. I was just waiting on that call and was ready for Timothy to come home. It had to be his decision, I didn't want to get the flack later on. We did the right thing.
He is well taken care of, one worry off my mind.

I'm with Smith, Call the police and have them bring DHR with them. Who knows she might be abusing the children to.
Keep trying, its nice to know you care so much for him.

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